Crying While Self Observing

[Mondsee]

Today I sat down to contemplate on what I am.

At some point I started really grasping, that there definitely is a possibility that I am deluded on what everything is, just as a mentally ill person is, who finds logic explanations for everything so that it fits into the story they're making up.

And then my mind was like, "ok fine, there is that possibility... so what do I do to know the truth?" And then it would answer itself, "you know what you have to do, the question is, will you do it?". In retrospective, it seems funny, but at that moment my mind was like "no, I don't know what to do" and then it would answer itself "yes you do!", the conversation continued with my mind asking "ok then, what do I have to do, tell me and I'll do it" and it answering itself "you have to disappear! kill yourself!". The answer to that was "I can't" and then I started crying and my mind was saying "I can't because I don't know how to, tell me how to and I'll kill myself".

It was a horrible contemplation session. Now that I'm writing about it, it seems an inner conversation you can laugh to, but it wasn't funny while it was happening.

What do you, fellow self-observers, recommend me to do if I hit that same point again, of my mind playing the victim of not knowing how to do what it has to do?

Thanks in advance.

[Shin]

If you can already sees it as a mind and not yourself, then there is nothing to be done.

Just observe it, and if it's not already the case, the mind won't even be on the foreground of your experience after a while, but rather an aspect of it just like any other thing.

Ultimately, we all know what we have to do, it's not like it's rocketscience, it's just extremely scary for the mind, to accept and surrender to the fact that he's just an aspect of reality, and is just one perspective among an infinite number of it.

The path is simple, just be.
That doesn't even mean to do nothing, that means being conscious whatever happens.
It feels amazingly awesome to be able to just sit and admire reality as it is, but that's not a prerequisite (albeit you will want to do that anyway).

Edited July 24, 2017 by Shin