An In Depth Post On My Enlightenment Experience + Analogies

[WaterfallMachine]

I felt a peace. 

Not just any ordinary peace.

It was the most profound peace I ever felt. A feeling of deep satisfaction with my life and the world. A feeling that all this peace would remain stagnant even in times of trouble. It seems weird to explain it this way. If there is a state without any words, then what is being in trouble?

It was triggered when I read More Than Allegory. According to the author, you don't actually see the past or the future. You're seeing your memories of the past and the ideas of the future. You're experiencing those memories and ideas in the present, not actually experiencing it. You can't write notes in the idea of a book. Pretty hard to sit down in the concept of a chair. And challenging to use your toothbrush with the image of your teeth. This does not mean that these images are false, but they're still images.

And that the idea that there was a separate world out there is something to be skeptical about. After all, you perceive this world only through the senses you're given. Like Leo said once, you happen to have sight but a bat can't see. So what's the difference between existence and non-existence if they're both coming from your mind?

It's more in depth in the book but as I thought of the regrets of the past and the hopeless of the future left me. Because it did not exist. I put these ideas in deepening my practice and I saw.

It's strange. But a wordless experience feels like the ideas that brought me down — feelings of worthlessness, of not knowing enough, of not being perfect enough and the rest was lost during this state. It's like thinking you're in a locked room and thinking you'll be stuck in there forever. But the door is actually language, a human constraint made by your own mind, and when you realize you can just open and close this door as you wish ; those ideas don't lock you in anymore. You can see them. Believe in them. Desire them. But you can walk out if you want to and see them from the outside.

I don't think my pursuit of enlightenment has ended of course. This stuff could go on for years considering the glimpses of all the different schools of thought I could see. The more I know, the more questions I have. I'm feeling pretty calm right now as I type this but I bet it won't last all the time. 

Shortly I tried Kundalini Yoga and next after a short mantra meditation, It unlocked another insight.

I compared myself with people who were better. But I realized I was everything. I was the wise and the naive. I was the young and the old. I was the poor and the rich. I was the failure and the success. I was the leader and the follower. How could I ever feel superior or inferior in a state like that? It was a feeling of overflowing acceptance and love.

In the book, it said time does not exist. You can't pinpoint it exactly. Can't see it, touch it, hear it, taste it or smell it.

I was always worrying about time. Time. Time. Time. Not enough time to reach my successes. Not enough time for my own hobbies. Not enough time to work on my health. And so on. 

But when I stayed there just in the present, time did not exist. Because if there is no past and future, then all there is the present. In the book, the author said this is your Big Bang. Everything beginning all over again. Each moment a new universe. A new world. And when I understood this in practice, I felt it was all enough.

It felt like I was a damn volcano. Erupting with joy. Lava spewing forth. Dust released into the sky. But after that initial excitement, I calmed down and felt a profound stillness.

I always felt my time was limited, but I understood limited was another story I told myself. A person with so much time usually would see a constraint on their day as limited. While a person who usually has a busy workday from financial problems would see the little freetime they have as rewarding. More and less is subjective. It was a creation of our minds and if reality was our minds ; could I actually change it? And without words, the door that locked me in momentarily disappeared and I walked out of the room.

And it was deeply. . . 

deeply beautiful.

 

 

 

Edited July 21, 2017 by WaterfallMachine