How To Deal With Those Who Push Your Buttons

[IVONNE]

I have noticed some things happening recently whilst i was conscious of my surrounding and awareness. At work for example, a man approached me and shouted my name across the room and i never experienced someone reacting in this way but i was also not scared, rather, surprised. His a team leader. And believe me im very friendly with every team leader and coworkers and he have been watching me a lot although i was never in his team before. I didn't know the reason for this. it was weird and usual, however, the fact that he needed me as there was nobody covering someone that left his team, i was told from my own team leader to go and help him out just for a day. And so i did. When i went in his team, he reacted towards me, i remained calm and i knew that i had absolutely nothing with this. I didn't even felt anything but i think that he wanted to show me something or scare me or maybe make me feel like a victim.  when he said that i was slow and the length i used to work in the area and yet not as fast, he tried to make me feel as if i was doing nothing. i had thoughts in my head that she had problems and so on. but then he would come a humiliate how i dont know how to do something fast and that id the other members complain about me then ill be sent home. knowing this made me assertive and talk to him back saying that i dont work with his team and have nothing to do with him and he said that he will call the coordinator and send me home.i looked at him and remained firm on my ground and  steadfast. at the end, he simply exchange me with someone faster (who has dong something easy) and i did their thing instaid. my point is, if iam a guest for a day to help out or cover someone, i should be given something manageable. 

My point is how do deal with unexpected situations like this in life in general?

I think its comes with vulnerability.

there are many situations like that in my family also, for example if i wake up and make breakfast and go shopping or print some things out and head for and event or work etc, there is always someone in your way that that prevents you from going further and they make you feel selfish or a victim. 

Are you guys familiar with this?

Any advice and tips would be much appreciated guys

 

[ajasatya]

@IVONNE compassion is the key. i can lend my glasses to you. buy your own later.

notice how every human being is always struggling in suffering due to their spiritual poverty. mankind looks like a fat pool of suffering.

the best thing we can do is get out of that mud and purify ourselves by practicing the art of presence. just be present. it's not your fault.

[IVONNE]

2 hours ago, ajasatya said:

@IVONNE compassion is the key. i can lend my glasses to you. buy your own later.

notice how every human being is always struggling in suffering due to their spiritual poverty. mankind looks like a fat pool of suffering.

the best thing we can do is get out of that mud and purify ourselves by practicing the art of presence. just be present. it's not your fault.

i like your point of view on this. thanks, much appreciated ajasatya<3

Edited July 21, 2017 by IVONNE

[Shin]

Someday along the path, all of this will be irrelevant.
You won't be able to be triggered, because you'll really know and feel why those people act this way.

 

[Principium Nexus]

@Shin Very wise words, I like it.

@IVONNE He is just projecting his frustration on you. If you try your best like you said, it is not your fault to directly know how to do everything for someone's position you are covering out of the blue. Compassion is key.

[IVONNE]

40 minutes ago, Principium Nexus said:

@Shin Very wise words, I like it.

@IVONNE He is just projecting his frustration on you. If you try your best like you said, it is not your fault to directly know how to do everything for someone's position you are covering out of the blue. Compassion is key.

Thank you. 

[IVONNE]

48 minutes ago, Shin said:

Someday along the path, all of this will be irrelevant.
You won't be able to be triggered, because you'll really know and feel why those people act this way.

 

thanks 

[alyra]

I am unsure about your specific circumstance, it does not feel real to me, this is the way the life of others are to me - it is their life and not mine, so I would trust their decisions and intuitions over my own - when it is for their sake. 

 

but I have a lot of difficulty with unexpected circumstances. Right now the thing I'm working on to see if it helps dramatically, is to think about humility. when I am alone with my thoughts, I feel powerful and godly! but when others give me their thoughts I am stubborn and rude. but, the reality is that there are many ideas and observations to be had out there, that I couldn't dream of stumbling upon. but someone else might come along and give me such a thought or idea that inspires my discovery of new things. If I am never humble, then I will only learn at a predictable pace. but when I am humble and hear something novel, it is liek a dimensional leap in my reality. 

 

naturally tho - there are things to be said that aren't so important to listen to. there are times when people are angry or frustrated and say something that isn't so meaningful as their emotions blind them to be. so it is at our best judgement of when to listen, and when to reject the words of others. 

 

 

 

from some of the language of your story, it sounds like you felt kind of manipulated and threatened by his words in actions. intuitively due to that alone I would recommend attempting to ignore what he said. maybe there is insight to be found from his biased advice, but it would be too difficult to sift through and you feel too concerned of negative aspects of it - you won't want to let his behavior bring you to doubt yourself. You have made it this far so you're guaranteed to be doing something right. 

 

 

I have two short stories to speak of. 

 

the first - when I was in high school, one time. some guy told me randomly in a class, "you always smell!" with quite a rude tone. that has haunted me ever since. I am always worried about if I smell. but at the same time, if no one ever said such a comment to me, I wouldn't know if my heigene was poor. the fear of his words is a positive motivator when it reminds me to pay attention to heigine. it is the primary driving force of such things. it is try that too often I let it bring worry and doubt, and bully myself into staying in home some day when I skipped a bath and feel kinda lazy. but more often than not, I feel proud and confident after I've bathed and brushed my teeth and etc, because I know I've done a good job of it today. 

 

the second - in my first job. I went at the pace I liked. it seemed to work. I thought I was doing good - I was learning and I was providing output. I'd talk to my teammates once a day casually when I needed a break, and we'd have daily meeting in the morning and I'd reveiw with my mentor in the afternoon. everything felt fine! one day the project manager of our department, the manager of i think 5 teams, ~24 people. he came by and gave me a review - after 6 weeks he said - wanted to see how I was doing. asked me if there was anything I was concerned about. I said everything was good. he seemed a little as if he didn't expect things to go so simply. and that was mostly that, there were some other things we said but i forget... 

but then about a week later. someone came by and asked me to come meet with them. and I got fired. and then I suspected - i wonder if the person came to me to try to encourage me to change? that, there was something I needed to do to be better. and didn't know it. My uncle told me once - in the business world, too often they can't put trust in you to be amazing. it is less risky to let you go and cut you off if you aren't up to speed. they'll give you so much of freedom before they give up on you. I personally don't get that. if someone has a problem with my performance, well, if they tell me I'll figure out how to improve it pretty quick. and if they don't tell me, well, I just won't know about it. To me, it seems like an unhealthy relationship, to have someone be frustrated with what I'm contributing to our partnership, and not tell me. to let it bother them all the time - burden them - when it is easy to make changes when aware of conflict. I wouldn't want a boss who doesn't tell me what concerns him. at least - I'd ask them if I suspect such a thing, and trust them to be honest if asked a direct question. I am! that is what I'd do I guess. I'd go back to the guy with a few questions practiced or written down, and ask him about  if there is anything I can do to improve my performance. or, I guess, if you don't like the attitude he had, look to someone whose attitude you do like, and ask them instead. 

[Markus]

Shit happens.

To paraphrase Eckhart Tolle: if you don't like a situation: leave, change sth, or accept. All else is madness. 

People will treat you in ways you don't like. And you will treat people in ways they don't like. C'est la vie, get used to it  

Love ya,
Markus

[Loreena]

@IVONNE

6 hours ago, Markus said:

Shit happens.

To paraphrase Eckhart Tolle: if you don't like a situation: leave, change sth, or accept. All else is madness. 

 

I like this quote of Tolle here. 

@IVONNE There are a lot of destructive forces in the world. We might want to completely get rid of them but as single individuals we're not well equipped to deal with them. So they remain. The best choice is to be who we are and not let bad circumstances and toxic people ruin our day. 

Don't let that team leader ruin your day/week. If you think too much about it, or start to feel nervous or bad, you will be giving more power to him. Notice when you do it. More power should be to you and not to him. 

Be strong. The more you get affected/impacted you suffer and others win. 

They behave the way they do because they themselves have frustrations, pent up anger and insecurities in their life. So they unload it on others. They remain unhappy and also end up making others unhappy with their obnoxious presence. You should not become a part of their presence and their world/energy. 

Be in peace and not let it affect you. Let it be far from your beautiful soul. 

[Loreena]

@IVONNE Everytime when someone is toxic to you, it only shows who they are, not who you are. 

I always use this thinking these days whenever such situations arise. So it helps me a lot. 

Before I used to blame myself even if it wasn't my fault. It's just a subconscious way of reacting to things. But now I have figured out that my reaction is wrong and I should be thinking logically about myself in the situation. 

Edited July 23, 2017 by Loreena

[Key Elements]

@IVONNE That is very unfortunate. I think every workplace has someone like that. I would just try to remain calm and still be friendly toward the colleagues you get along with. Is this a reoccurring behaviour? Try to work with the team members you get along with. I would continue working on my life purpose so that one day I'll gain financial freedom from all this.