Pick Up Went Wrong, Suggestions From Experts Needed!

[Jordan wang]

So I've recently cold approached this girl, got exchanged facebook contacts with her and asked her to go watch a movie with me. She agreed to go for coffee, but I had to pick her up.

At first the meeting went on pretty smoothly, I joked a little bit and she laughed. But since it is our second time meeting, we soon ran out of topics.

She was in my car as we drove down the beach during sunset (sounds romantic but the mood was a little bit awkward), on the car we just talked about directions and how to get to the beach (since she holds the map)

At the beach we talked about some irrelevant stuff (like where have you studied before... how many languages do you speak) I knew this was bad topics to say to a girl if I want to have something happen with her, but I just couldn't find anything else.

eventually we sat down on a log viewing the sunset (it was pretty)

she laughed and said: are you always this nervous when you are with a girl? (I guess my body language suggested that I am nervous while i thought my voice was pretty confident)

I just didn't know what to say, I was like; ".... I guess I don't know how to be confident"

Things got a little bit awkward, at that point I just see this "date" going nowhere, I just bluntly asked her "do you want to kiss me?" 

She said NOOO, in a over-exaggerated motion.

Later on she said: do you see me as that type of girl? 

I didn't know what to say, I just said no, tried to explain a little bit, but didn't go anywhere with the explanation. (she was wearing make up and a sexy dress on that day) (since she replied: I am free today, but busy for a long time afterwards when I initially asked her out on facebook, I thought she just wanted a quickie with me or something)

Eventually I said: "I guess next time I go on a date with a girl, I have to specify it to be a date huh?" 

and she just turned around and left.

 

I sort of know what I did wrong here.

Can any expert analyze this situation for me? I have experienced this a couple of times before.

How do I improve?  I really want to be able to pick up woman.

Jordan wang

[Lynnel]

16 hours ago, Jordan wang said:

I sort of know what I did wrong here.

Nah you don't you wouldn't be asking if you knew

16 hours ago, Jordan wang said:

, I just bluntly asked her "do you want to kiss me?" 

This is very easy.

This may seem like a little thing but it is actually a huge fuck up.

It's your role as a "man" to lead, not to ask for permission, to have the social skills, to know when to kiss her, so on and so forth.

Here you're just putting HER on the spot by taking the responsibility away from you and putting it on her to initiate something sexual.

HENCE :

16 hours ago, Jordan wang said:

Later on she said: do you see me as that type of girl?

= Did you really tell me I was a slut ?

Because only slutty girls will kiss you = social conditionning women are brainwashed with.

Then the next mistake is changing her mind : aka logically arguing with her while she is pissed instead of shifting her mood and making her forget about this crap. => She is more and more pissed and just goes away because you're not attractive and you've pissed her off.

Go and brainwash yourself with RSD videos until you understand the basic of women psychology, dating, etc.

Good luck.

 

[Emerald]

It seems like you jumped the gun psychologically on expecting things to get physical on the first date. She might have agreed to go out with you to see what you're about and to get to know you. But jumping ahead and asking if she wants you to kiss her or assuming that a date failed (and displaying this with your body language and words) because nothing physical happened, is just going to make her feel awkward and is going to make you look socially unaware.

Chances are that she didn't just want a quickie with you. A girl can get a "quickie" from just about anyone and anytime. There's no scarcity there, so women don't really tend to hunt for it. It's less common that a woman is just looking to hook-up, unless they're out having a wild night. If she agreed to go on a date with you and she got dressed up, it's probably because she had a curiosity about you as an individual and might have thought you were a good guy for a potential relationship.

So, if a date is already awkward and not going well, don't try to make things go physical. It will only make the situation even less comfortable. It's just going to come off as rude and may feel objectifying. And there's a certain defensiveness in the statement about having to tell the girl that it's a date. So, she probably thought that you were messing with her mind. That's probably why she left. 

[ajasatya]

@Jordan wang it will never work until you learn to fully appreciate the presence of a woman. nothing more than that. just her presence.

do not listen to demanding thoughts.

[Girzo]

3 hours ago, Lynnel said:

Go and brainwash yourself with RSD videos until you understand the basic of women psychology, dating, etc.

This.

There's so much free content on the Internet, not only from RSD, but many others too. I would suggest learning about the idea of calibration and reading a few articles on the topic of how a proper date should look like.

Also, the problem is not being nervous around the girl, but not being ok with that. Leo's "How To Be A Man - Part 2" talks exactly about that issue. So don't freak out when you run out of topics to talk about or she tests you hard. Being natural always pay off, even if she will reject you, you will learn something about your true self, because you weren't faking anything.

[Toby]

Just because a woman agrees to a date doesn't mean she has to be super-interested in a relationship or sex or whatever later on. There is no way to know that if you did everything right (which doesn't exist imo) that she would have been interested. It's imo one of the biggest myths of the self-help- and pickup-industry that you can control how others perceive you.

[poimandres]

23 hours ago, Jordan wang said:

So I've recently cold approached this girl, got exchanged facebook contacts with her and asked her to go watch a movie with me. She agreed to go for coffee, but I had to pick her up.

This is only the beginning of where you went wrong.  But it's all a learning opportunity! Keep fucking trying!

Some critique: You cold approached a girl and got her FACEBOOK information. You need digits, not friends.

My strategy is never give them a choice. Make small talk, then start to pull your phone out, then say "Give me your number".

Next you negotiated with her on going out with you AND you bent to her will by agreeing to pick her up. You basically let her run the show from the start.

When I would contact the women after getting their numbers, only contact them for a single purpose. You aren't trying to have an hour long conversation with them via text or voice call. Just text them "You and me, 7pm Friday night,  XYZ (insert address)". They will text you their reply (yes or no, obviously).

That being said, ALWAYS listen if a girl says "NO". You do not want to cross so many boundaries that you no longer sympathize with people.. If she refuses to give you her number, you shake her hand, say "nice to meet you, have a good day". And leave. The fact that you don't try to force it says more about you than attempting to force it.

One time, I approached someone in a world market. We got to talking, I told her to give me her number, but she replied "I have a boyfriend." The look on my face basically said "You're lying and I know it." But I did the above, put my head phones in and kept on walking. She attempted to recover while I was putting in my earbuds, but I just brushed her off and said "I'll see you around."

Edited July 22, 2017 by poimandres

[Moreira]

First stop filtering yourself, dont try to find interesting and meaningful topict to talk, whatever you say interesting if you find it interesting.

Its not about the content but how you say it, the energy and feeling behind. Try not to be very serious and logical, make jokes.

Also you need DIRECTION, I mean the interaction has to have a goal, escalate, if you dont know it your relashionship wont progress.

 

[poimandres]

1 hour ago, Toby said:

Just because a woman agrees to a date doesn't mean she has to be super-interested in a relationship or sex or whatever later on. There is no way to know that if you did everything right (which doesn't exist imo) that she would have been interested. It's imo one of the biggest myths of the self-help- and pickup-industry that you can control how others perceive you.

I'm not trying to hijack this thread, but this is not accurate. Psychology of others is VERY easy to manipulate (I'm no exception, a friend showed me a few hacks today). Communication is a multi dimensional phenomena and tapping into all of those dimensions is what morphs the perceptions. Social engineering, NLP, Covert Hypnosis, whatever you wish to call it..

Edited July 22, 2017 by poimandres

[Bas]

 

@Lynnel @Moreira @poimandres made good points above. There is some really really bad advice by others, not to be mean but it must be pointed out. Bringing quasi spiritual terms in pickup when you're just a beginner can very easily turn in a big trap. 

You'll get confident when you approach so many women it becomes boring. These 'mistakes' are essential for your development, mastery takes 10,000 hours remember. Just turn the club in your classroom (or anywhere else you meet nice ladies).

Also a small thing: Never take your date to the movies. You're literally watching television for 2 hours together, it's ridiculous when you think about it! You meet each other to connect, going to a place where you have to be completely silent and can't see each other is a place where you want to stay away from. (Besides.. she probably has had sooo many awful dates with other unoriginal guys at the movies, you don't want that association.)

Keep up the good work!

Edited July 24, 2017 by Bas

[eskwire]

5 minutes ago, Bas said:

You'll get confident when you approach so many women it becomes boring.

Exactly. It sounds like you overly cared about this day date due to inexperience, so you acted awkward and scared her off. Keep messing up!!! Get those experience points. 

[Lynnel]

8 hours ago, Bas said:

There is some really really bad advice by others, not to be mean but it must be pointed out. Bringing quasi spiritual terms in pickup when you're just a beginner can very easily turn in a big trap.

Honestly, even thinking about it is a huge trap. It's a luxury you should get only after a lot of hours in the field.

I remember a LONG time ago @aurum did a magnificent topic on how to bust approach anxiety for @Frogfucius . So dear @Frogfucius mentally masturbated, read tons of advice, and did nothing. I hope he could report whether he got laid or  is still integrating some mindfull fear practice or w/e unefficient crap and spiritual progress to get better with dating.

It's like in consciousness work : direct experience above all.

[Markus]

You don't need expert advice. Just an ability to look at this from the girl's perspective for a moment. First of all, you try to fake confidence which you clearly don't have. Everything you try to be you actually aren't. And she can pick it up, she isn't stupid. You're inauthentic - you want to fuck her yet make safe small talk.  She can sense you're not congruent. That is creepy. You also want something to happen which is very far from the situation you're in, making you extremely needy. If you were a girl, would you be attracted to such person? Eww, fuck no. Then, all of a sudden, you ask her if she wants to kiss you. "Gosh, this guy is a social retard." Then you get defensive, ashamed of your sexual interest in her. And then you get reactive and basically lash out at not getting what you wanted. "What a baby".

If you were a girl, you'd want nothing to do with that guy either. Pff. Who in their right mind would let such person's dick or any other body part anywhere near them? I hope this brings you some awareness. Note, I'm being purposefully provocative. 

Love ya,
Markus

 

Edited July 24, 2017 by Markus

[aurum]

On 7/24/2017 at 4:37 AM, Lynnel said:

Honestly, even thinking about it is a huge trap. It's a luxury you should get only after a lot of hours in the field.

I remember a LONG time ago @aurum did a magnificent topic on how to bust approach anxiety for @Frogfucius . So dear @Frogfucius mentally masturbated, read tons of advice, and did nothing. I hope he could report whether he got laid or  is still integrating some mindfull fear practice or w/e unefficient crap and spiritual progress to get better with dating.

It's like in consciousness work : direct experience above all.

This is an interesting point because every area of success does still follow from certain spiritual principles. And yet if that's all you focused on you'd be fucked.

For instance, let's say you were doing meditation with the intention to get better at game. It would definitely help. But if you're new to game, you'd be WAY better off just taking that hour and actually going out because game is a skillset.

Imagine you're trying to learn guitar. Sure, meditation could help you get into flow states easier and release your creativity, but more important in the beginning is you just sit there and play for many hours. 

Plus, there's always a large element of strategic thinking in success. Guys who aren't doing game in a strategic way will spend hours and hours trying to do something that would be stupid simple with an effective system.

So ideally, it's always a balance. I want to meditate, be authentic AND I want to systematize every detail to what seems like an obsessive degree where everything I'm doing is conscious and on purpose. Right brain, left brain.

[sheenp24]

Sounds like you just need a little more practice. As far as the date, you guys probably wasn't a good match for each other, if you were, I believe that conversation would have been easier. One of the factors that women look at is confidence, so it probably wasn't a good idea to admit that you were lacking in that department. If you have a problem with being shy or effectively conversing with anyone, apply for a sales job or customer service job and believe it of not, that can help you with being confident in general! Good luck man! By the way, try not to ask a lady for a kiss that early because the likelihood of that happening with a respectable lady that values her reputation is slim. 

[Lynnel]

@aurum I do agree with you.

The deal is people generaly avoid the practical work aka going out and actually talking to girls.

You have to handle the spiritual and other aspects for amazing results - that's for sure.

But newbies tend to choose it over the dirty work because just thinking about it is easier.

Yeah it comes down to theory vs practice. 

But at the start practice always wins. ALWAYS. Theory only masturbates.

[faith]

@Jordan wang  You should have just slowly turned your head towards her while you were going down to the beach, just stared at her for a little bit, turned your head back and locked the doors

[Deep]

@Jordan wang I got bored reading your post, your personality is boring. Imagine how bored a girl would be around you. Your goal on the date should be to increase sexual tension. Being nice and boring doesn't increase sexual tension. You should've asked for her number instead of Facebook. It would be better to keep the date short, like 1-2 hours max. 

[Jordan wang]

@faith what do you mean lock the doors?

 

@Deep You can't tell what my personality is just by reading a post.

But thanks though, it was a boring date.

[Deep]

16 hours ago, Jordan wang said:

 

@Deep You can't tell what my personality is just by reading a post.

But thanks though, it was a boring date.

Sure, you might be fun, but maybe you didn't express your personality fully during the date. How would the girl know you are fun if you don't express it? I'm not berating you because I feel anxious and insecure sometimes as well. I'm just helping you toughen up.