Polyamory - Our Future In Relationships?

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, GeorgeLawson said:

Has anyone read 'Sex At Dawn?' This book goes into a lot of detail about how prehistoric humans were in fact polyamerous. 

I have read it, but I doubt its accuracy. Human beings seem waaaaay too possessive and prone to jealousy to fit the Sex At Dawn model. You gotta wonder where the whole girlfriend/boyfriend dynamic came from. It certainly didn't come from mainstream society. Mainstream society ultimately reflects our own nature back at us. The human animal seems to like to pair-bond, at least for 2-7 years, which makes sense given how human children take a while to mature.

[Ajax]

13 hours ago, Ayla said:

I come from a VERY orthodox background, where a girl gets married (a virgin) with a man that her parents also like, has a couple of children (or more) and stays with that spouse "until death do them apart" ! 

Wasn't that idyllic ? But is it still? Do people still dream about that type of relationship? 

I've lived a polyamory situation 3 years ago. I was really truly deeply in LOVE with two men and they both loved me. One brought me one bundle of satisfaction - professional and sexual level, the other the stability of a family life and a cord to my past. Both new about each other and understood/accepted the situation. Even tho my upbringing was crippling my view of things, the experience itself felt SO right! It was THE best time of our lives! 

What are your views on this?  

 

That wouldn't work  for me at all. As the Bible states, a couple is meant to be one unit. That is hard enough, if not impossible for some. Three  or more people serving as one unit? ...Too unrealistic for me. Seems like Hedonism.

Of course, God gave me the gifts of open-mindedness and non-judgement so I am always ready to learn and grow from other peoples thoughts and ideas. I feed on it.

[daing]

I think Leo has an excellent point.  Spot on, in fact. 

With all of that said, and in the spirit of having a seemingly positive discussion about polyamory, I am going to go ahead and play devil's advocate here.

A number of the posters here seem to support this concept completely.  Some of them seem to feel that it brought satisfaction to their lives.  I personally cannot provide any personal experience regarding this subject, but I heard polyamory worked out pretty well for this guy:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muhammad%27s_wives

*** DISCLAIMER ***

I am not promoting or insulting Islam, or any religious group.  I want to make this very clear right now.  I am also not promoting or insulting the entire subject of polyamory.  I just would like point out that the concept has been employed throughout history, and I would like to spark some interesting discussion.

[the dream]

MULTIPLE WOMEN??!?!?!?! OHHH MY GODDDD YESSS GIVE ME - says my ego

[Baby]

Personally, the physical body is way too attached to the ego, before any "awakening ".... The physical body is more concern with sex, making babies, keeping us alive and going... Passing down our genes and what not... Those drives, can blind females to accept just about anything.... Leo's question is awesome it in that following nature and nurture we need one committed great relationship. Sure I could use the hands of a few sister wives but I need the ultimate gift. A soul being to be able to not need anyone but me. And still that is the cry of nature. I'm open. I'm open to the wisdom of the " I " with in me, of its needs and the "me" that needs to also feel safe and happy, and supported. Sure it can work, sister wife better hope I'm all into it though. Cuz other wise I need my man to be mine and mine alone. 

[Kelley White]

On 2/7/2016 at 9:44 PM, Ayla said:

I completely agree with you. The one difference is that in my particular situation, I did not chose that experience, or searched for it or wanted it or even accept it in the beginning, in fact, at that time, it didn't even have a name or a concept associated with it. It just happened naturally. It profoundly disturbed a stale status quo that my life had become and catapulted me into a whole new life. 

It was not a flirt, a fling, an adventure or a mental wanting - on the contrary. 

Looking back at it now, it cracked my Ego sufficiently as to bring me into this new path

@Ayla  Right there with you.  Thank you.  Frankly I wholly lacked the courage to bring this one up!  Its been teaching me I'm not a jealous person, I've been learning to communicate and I've had to get over tons of fears and conditioning about love and relationships.  I've thus far found it healing.  Its actually facilitated my self actualization.  They told me, stop doing.  Just be for awhile.  Create a life in reality.  They support me in taking Leo's course and doing this because they genuinely want to see me come into my full potential.  I have to say its for me the most loving paradigm I've experienced.  Not at all what I had feared, or expected.   My dynamics are different, but I am not going to out my family so to speak without their consent.   Thank you for posting this.  Really helps me with feeling like I have to hide apart of myself.

[Kelley White]

On 2/8/2016 at 4:25 PM, the dream said:

MULTIPLE WOMEN??!?!?!?! OHHH MY GODDDD YESSS GIVE ME - says my ego

I think some men might view it that way.  Interestingly enough, you never know they dynamics which may lead to such a relationship.  Its not about ego, its about consent.  Its about being independent so you have a wholeness to offer the larger group.  Its interdependence versus co-dependence.   Multiple partners might equate to feeling very responsible to remain worthy of their time and attention by avoiding that very notion. 

Its not about sex, its about relationship.  The ego equates multiple women to sex. Aren't I special? My observation.  The spirit looks at multiple partners period and now you must be like water and work with one another. 

How can I be of service to those I love and in doing so, my needs are met as well?  Just some thoughts. 

I'm not advocating for it or against it, just pointing out its often portrayed this way but its not actually that way in all dynamics.

[Kelley White]

On 2/8/2016 at 5:07 PM, Baby said:

Personally, the physical body is way too attached to the ego, before any "awakening ".... The physical body is more concern with sex, making babies, keeping us alive and going... Passing down our genes and what not... Those drives, can blind females to accept just about anything.... Leo's question is awesome it in that following nature and nurture we need one committed great relationship. Sure I could use the hands of a few sister wives but I need the ultimate gift. A soul being to be able to not need anyone but me. And still that is the cry of nature. I'm open. I'm open to the wisdom of the " I " with in me, of its needs and the "me" that needs to also feel safe and happy, and supported. Sure it can work, sister wife better hope I'm all into it though. Cuz other wise I need my man to be mine and mine alone. 

I think when it comes to multiple partners the courtship, the decisions...they are all made transparently as a group with consent and renegotiation every step of the way.    It requires excellent communication skills.  I don't think I can own another, or that another can own me.  I can give them the gift of me, I can accept the gift of them.  The "mine" thing?  Looking at the divorce rate?  It just doesn't seem to work.

I don't know if this will work either?  But so far?  I love each person in that relationship even if its not sexual love. 

[Baby]

Do not judge what is the norm, do not accept the unknown, be in the now. As a female, and all that is privileged to female, we tend to give heart and soul. Males, not so much, not that they can't, just that is privileged to few.... Do not freely give. Do not freely take. For we walk in desperate times between the here and now. You'll know it, just listen hard to your inner voice.

[Cherylann]

Exclusive has always been my desire.  I'm not so sure anymore.  It's hard to choose between a great #1 or #2 because I have never experienced either one... haha  -nor have I become my "best self",  I don't think the me that I am right now is "ready" to make that choice.   I feel open minded. 

   (what about disease, pregnancy....)  

Edited February 12, 2016 by Cherylann

[DanoDMano]

Here's a day dream on the subject. 100 years into the future.

The majority of the world has entered the "green" state.

There are a variety of communities specializing in; Artistic, Environmental, Agricultural, Technogical, Industrial, etc., etc..

Each child is taught a variety of subjects until their natural ability shines through. Then they are given every opportunity to thrive at it.

There is no such thing as marriage anymore although if desired I suppose you can make a "commitment" vow to one or more persons.

Because we have all become enlightened, we have complete control over our egos and the negative emotions that come with it.

We are now free to enjoy each other, together in harmony and equal understanding. All taking care of each other in different ways without conflict.

Man... what a dream.

      

[Lup18]

I am currently experiencing difficulties with my husband, since I started meditating. And this has made me wonder if I choose correctly or if I did what society told me to do, that is get married, now that we've been married for 10 years and have 2 kids I am start thinking I did a mistake, but it might be too late to correct, in this instance polyamory might be the only one that will save our marriage, but I am scared to ruin it too. Any help?

[Ayla]

6 minutes ago, Lupita said:

I am currently experiencing difficulties with my husband, since I started meditating. And this has made me wonder if I choose correctly or if I did what society told me to do, that is get married, now that we've been married for 10 years and have 2 kids I am start thinking I did a mistake, but it might be too late to correct, in this instance polyamory might be the only one that will save our marriage, but I am scared to ruin it too. Any help?

Polyamory is very different from what you are implying. 

Poly = more than one

Amory = Love 

My advice is to solve the issues within your marriage by first realizing yourself. Your husband will either follow you on that path, or the relationship will end..

[Lup18]

@Ayla Thanks Ayla for you answer, so simple and so truth, I am just starting to meditate and it can be scary at the beginning when things I thought were really well supported, are actually falling apart.

[David1]

On 2/7/2016 at 2:59 PM, GeorgeLawson said:

Has anyone read 'Sex At Dawn?' This book goes into a lot of detail about how prehistoric humans were in fact polyamerous. 

I didn't read the book, but it seems logical. Humans lived for tens of thousands of years in small groups. A man probably didn't even know if a child was his or not. They had to think in terms of 'our' children.

[GeorgeLawson]

On 2/13/2016 at 9:56 AM, David1 said:

I didn't read the book, but it seems logical. Humans lived for tens of thousands of years in small groups. A man probably didn't even know if a child was his or not. They had to think in terms of 'our' children.

That seems consistent with the Tribal/Purple stage of psychological evolution (Clare Graves Model) of humankind where you had to sacrifice yourself for the group. It's then easy to understand how religious attitudes towards sex in the sense of monogamy came about during the Dogmatic/Blue stage in Graves' model. 

[Rita]

@Ayla if both men were aware and cool with it.....than points to you for knowing your needs and getting them met (creatively I may add).

but was only 1 of the relationships sexual?  (Kinda sounds like you had a husband and a lover....)

it's hard for me to believe 2 men would be 100% okay with sharing you sexually...

 

 

[Ayla]

5 minutes ago, Rita said:

@Ayla if both men were aware and cool with it.....than points to you for knowing your needs and getting them met (creatively I may add).

but was only 1 of the relationships sexual?  (Kinda sounds like you had a husband and a lover....)

it's hard for me to believe 2 men would be 100% okay with sharing you sexually...

 

 

The point isn't the sexuality in this context, but the love that was shared...different people, same feelings, same timeframe.

 

[Rita]

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imo, it's a not moot point....it can't be.

we have many categories of needs; sexual, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, etc. etc.

if 'Man A' cannot fulfill your emotional needs but DOES fulfill your sexual needs (i.e. makes you "o....") than I think its OK to get your emotional needs meet with 'Man B'.

but if your overlapping (i.e. 'double-dipping') your needs with different men.....than, to me, it sounds kinda like your having your cake and eating it too.

 

 

 

[Ayla]

@Rita ,

What you need to understand, is that the polyamory situation is something that comes to you. There's no need or searching to it (sometimes one fights it with all his/her being as being so inconceivable to the society at this point). The feelings get installed and you find yourself trying to figure out things. to let go of one and not the other, and you simply, truly, absolutely cannot chose. 

Every case is special. But this is what they have in common: LOVE