Social Interactions - My Proposed Solution

[Loreena]

This is one the many realizations I had over the past week. I know that socialization is a very useful skill and man being a social animal needs to be in a family structure which is the basic unit of the society as a whole. However over the past few days, I had been reading about a lot of abuse cases involving children who were abused by their parents. It was disturbing to.say the least. And I gave it a thought which led me to a few realizations. 

It seems that living as families is beneficial for getting love  and affection which are very basic human emotional needs, however it can even be that it is all a part of deep social conditioning that makes it seem like living alone or in isolation to be an oddity. 

Humaninteractions are beneficial only if they're conducive to emotional growth, positive and non-toxic. 

However if such interactions are dangerous, abusive, dysfunctional, toxic then it's best to cut them off isolation is preferable over such a system. 

So the conclusion  I came to is this -

Interactions which are beneficial need to be kept and encouraged.

Any interactions which are destructive to progress and growth should be immediately cut off and the person should be taken away from such an environment and raised independently in isolation or at least surrounded by a less toxic people in sort of a general commune where people are not related.

We should get rid of the social conditioning that parental and spousal relationships are indispensable because they're not. They're only essential when they are conducive to love and growth. We should not be ashamed to stay single and devoid of social interactions. There should not be any pressure on an individual to follow social norms. 

As a society, we should not demonize, isolate, ostracize those who wish to cut off family relationships and stay single. Their choices should be respected. 

Also it's important to condemn domestic abuse severely.

It's not all bad if a person lives in isolation as long as he is able to stay away from all the toxicity that arises out of relationships. Isolation can hinder social skills but social interactions come with their own set of pros and cons that generally get ignored by society which is deeply conditioned to believe that human social interaction is foolproof. 

Human social and family system is not foolproof and hence a family is not always a perfect option.

We should embrace isolation especially in abuse case scenarios.

If we adopt such attitudes, we can curb domestic abuse to a certain extent. 

After some thinking, I have come up with a solution keeping abuse case scenarios in mind. 

And this solution is to keep and maintain an ambiguous social structure and get rid of the fixed structure. 

Till now, humans believed in a fixed social structure or unit consisting of parents, children, siblings and spouse.This was considered to be the closest circle meant to support you through life. 

However I thought of a new flexible social structure. I am not sure if such an experiment has been tried before. 

I don't think foster homes is a very good solution since a lot of abuse happen even in foster homes. 

So the flexible structure should consist of both families and communes. Only those families should be maintained who are happy and healthy. Any family which is abusive, dysfunctional, unproductive should be disintegrated and the family members should be separated and sent to stay in different communes. These communes should consist of people who do not necessarily have relationships with each other but they stay in separate houses like employees in a company, disconnected from each other and formal in behavior towards each others. It will be more or less like people living in hotels/hostels. This reduces the toxicity that arises out of close relationships and gives the chance to grow independently. 

Such unrelated formal communes(not the cult types)  can be a better option to reduce family abuse in society and it can serve as a secondary alternative to a fixed family structure. 

 

Edited July 20, 2017 by Loreena

[Vladimir]

@Loreena I agree with what you're saying here, lots of great points. I think social family structure is one of the most rigid ones and very difficult to escape. I stopped seeing and talking to my parents about a month ago because they only brought on negativity. For a long time, I've been trying to cut them off but I also kept sub-consciously guilt tripping myself for "abandoning them" - but they are family, we must help each other and stick together no matter what. What helped me make the decision and not have any regrets about is switching mentality from "abandoning them" to "helping them because I'm helping myself", the more I heal and become happy, the more I will help my family and everybody else in the world, we are all one. I've never felt happier in my life as a result and things are really starting to move for me, I think it was a major burden that has finally been lifted and I'm starting to get a sense real freedom. 

Also, you could ask yourself a question, if these people were not my parents or family, would I still keep them in my life? If you laugh at the ridiculousness of this comparison, then there is something to think about.

I love the system you're proposing, it would produce a lot more happier and healthier people. Unfortunately, I think it's going to be one of the last to go in our society. The ingrained programming of "owing" something to your family, especially your parents because they gave you life, is one of the most difficult things to let go, I think.

As far as other social interactions, in my case, I kept a lot of people around that I called friends for many years, including girlfriends, just to maintain the social status appearance, so I could say look I have friends, and here is my girlfriend, no matter that they are all contributing to my misery and thwarting growth, I have something to show for it so I'm not a loser. Crazy how the social structure perpetuates these beliefs on a very deep sub conscious level right?

Well I'm at a point now, that I have completely cut everybody off lol, and I can honestly say I haven't been happier in my whole life! And I'm also, slowly starting to attract and communicate with like minded people that inspire me and give value, without much effort.

Solitude is what everybody should be striving towards, from solitude can bloom authentic friendships and relationships.

[Gabriel Antonio]

facing the fact that i was destroying my life due to social isolation was hard. when i was a teenager, i convinced myself, "oh, you know what, i will be happy here at home, all the time. i don't care. i don't need interactions." man, was i wrong.

touching and being touched by another human being is a wonderful feeling if people did that more often, there would be no wars, because "when we are filled with love, everything can be tolerated."

the question is: "have you been feeling well on a consistent basis?" if not, it might be a good idea to explore the other pole. so, if you have been too much with people, spend more time by yourself. if you have been too much by yourself, spend more time with people (yes, i know, it looks boring).

one thing that has helped me connect with Love is physical touch. I feel my problems dissolving, my overthinking, my ego...

be happy Now =)

 

[Loreena]

@Vladimir @Gabriel Antonio  Thank you for sharing your insights and experiences. More experiences from others are welcome. 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited July 21, 2017 by Loreena