My First Mushroom Trip (5g)

[Ape]

The trip I will write about is my first and only Magic Mushroom (Psilocybe Cubensis) experience so far. It happened more than 10 months ago and I slowly feel like I'm done processing what I experienced.

What I did was utterly arrogant and stupid and I hope other people can learn from it as well.
I took a 4,5-5g(dried) dose without having ever experienced psychedelics of any kind previously and I was alone.

I was under the silly impression that because I have an easy time accessing the mindfulness state and had some spiritual insights that therefore dealing with these mushrooms would be easy.

Boy was I wrong...

 

It all already started 5 min after I ingested the mushrooms (eating the dry flesh) with me getting stomach ache and my breath feeling "weird". Those feelings continued to become more intense for me and about 10minutes in my body began to feel heavy. 

In restropect-  I have practised to watch my breath without manipulating it way too little until this trip and the come-up made me very self-conscious about all my usually automatic body activities. At this point in time I was not able to focus on my breath without manipulating it and because of that I progressively felt more uncomfortable in my body, especially with the shrooms' body load. 

About 20 minutes in things started to get weird and it dawned on my that I took way too much because it would obviously become a  lot stronger.
My thoughts felt  very agonizing to me. In retrospect I realized that I just experienced my usual thought patterns and "algorithms" but it felt so artificial and I felt disconnected from it. Also just sitting in front of my Computer felt very uncomfortable so I went back and forth between my bed and Computer without being able to find rest. 

About 40 minutes in I felt alive for the first time. Every sense felt clear and sharp and things smelled as though I smelled them for the first time ( the smell of fresh bread was orgasmic). Then suddenly it all made sense (in an intellectual way). I concluded in different ways (of which I non remember) that all of me and what I think of me and other people is just a story. 

This realization made me laugh hysterically. At that moment my laughing sounded to my spectator self like a shouting monkey and I started to completly emerge in the role of a monkey. I rolled on the floor and laughed  hysterically while ripping apart a paper towel roll. After an unknown amount of time I realized that I could not be a monkey forever because I was exhausted as fuck. As I laid on the floor and catched my breath I looked into the wall and got sucked into one point deeper and deeper(I stopped breathing while I was sucked into it). I had this amazing insight that even if this body dies,  there is still something.. the kind of awarness that there is when I am mindful. And It felt like I had a direct experience of exactly this. After an unknown amount of time it felt like I was just at the moment at which I would lose consciousness if I didn't breath again so I gasped for air. For a moment it felt like "I am here" again but before I could realize it I was sucked into another point and the same thing repeated. This happened some more times but after the second time I got to my bed. While I was sucked into the point I had a very hard to describe moving Kaleidoscope effect with many colors.

At some time I got into a loop of me standing up from my bed, going a circle in my room and laying down again. I did this multiple times and it felt to me like I can't stop this. The fear that I would continue this for the remainder of the trip let me to the realization that time is absolute fiction. But out of delusion I thought time stopped and I am stuck in time forever. This made me think my only way to escape was suicide but I could quickly disregard this idea again.

When I calmed down I stood up from my bed and when I stood there I became "one with my entire room". Though this sensation is way more complex than this cliché statement makes it sound. My sense of awarness was no longer bound to this body, it was free to whatever was inside my field of awarness. I was as much the body as I was everything in my room.

I also had an amazing insight on how I project my inner world onto others.

 

All in all I can now say that I look back very positive on this experience but for  the first 1 or 2 months after the trip I got breathing problems and anxiety whenever I thought about it. It was a very difficult and intense experience that required a lot of processing but It gave me many precious insights.

 

Edited July 20, 2017 by Ape