Codependent Relationship

[Guest]

I've been in a codependent relationship for two years after getting out of another codependent and abusive relationship. My question is it possible for my current relationship to become interdependent and how do I go about it. How can I communicate this to my boyfriend without him being resentful? 

[Ayla]

Co-dependency has of course its roots in childhood and it has deep roots you need to look into> Here's some of them: 

• worthlessness
• invisibility veil
• abandonment
• passive-aggressiveness

Look into all these concepts and educate yourself about them. YouTube is free and full of info. Just drawing the light of your consciousness upon them will help loosening them up   

[Guest]

So in other words in order to be free from codependency I have to be independent? I want to make the best decision but I get sidetracked when I start thinking which leads to many emotions. 

[Ayla]

@Soniablade47

You need to be whole in order to be free  Right now, you are giving away parts of yourself in the hope that you'll receive something you think you lack. 

Teal Swan and Noah Elkrief on youtube might help you tackle all these issues. 

 

[Sarah Marie]

@Sunshine I've been diagnosed as a co dependent before, mine is slightly different than the love codependency but I would say no. The boundaries are already not there. 

[FindingPeace]

On 18/02/2016 at 4:44 PM, Sunshine said:

My question is it possible for my current relationship to become interdependent and how do I go about it.

First things first you need to become independant, self-sufficient and able to take care of your self and your own needs. In essense, an interdependent relationship would consist of two people who are already like this before comming together.

You can't really change your current relationship because you can't 'change' your boyfriend. He is who he is. If he isn't already an independent person then you can't change him in to one. That is something only he can decide to do for himself if he ever sees the need to do so. You can't communicate that need to or for him.

The fact that you have been in another co-dependent and abusive relationship previously implies that you need to do inner work on yourself so as to avoid getting in to these situations again in the future. The work needs to start with you and not with the other people you get involved with.

Once you have developed yourself then the kinds, and quality, of people you become involved with should improve accordingly.