Can Others Make You Feel Anything?

[blissofbeing]

Intellectualy I understand that others can't make me feel anything. I understand that it is my reaction and story placed on the facts that make me feel a way.

Firstly is this true? If so what are some things I can do to experientially understand this truth, that is, to not be effected by others actions?

Edited July 18, 2017 by blissofbeing
Grammer

[Truth]

Consciousness. Especially in the moment when someone or something triggers you or effects you. Notice the thoughts and interpretations going on in your mind and you'll see it for yourself. 

[dew]

I feel like there are some people that are highly unaware and very toxic and they will affect you no matter how hard you try not to let them affect your state of mind. It's best to walk away and try not to blame yourself if you have someone like that who's disrupting your peace of mind.

[Visitor]

8 hours ago, blissofbeing said:

Intellectualy I understand that others can't make me feel anything. I understand that it is my reaction and story placed on the facts that make me feel a way.

Firstly is this true? If so what are some things I can do to experientially understand this truth, that is, to not be effected by others actions?

Yes it is true.

Let me first give you a simile. Imagine watching a dramatic horror movie on your TV. Relate to how watching it can make you feel tense and fearful. Now as seen as you shift your focus from the TV scene to the scene of the TV itself in your lounge room, all tension starts to dissipate. Even a scene of relief may be experienced. The truth about the movie was that it was make believe picture show, and not real.

Likewise, come to realize the truth behind other peoples thoughts and actions by first discovering your own truth. For example, all forms of tension in a person is cause by some fear that they are believing in. For instance, an angry person is afraid of having to change their plans / attitude / perception. An anxious person is afraid of what might not go their way. On the other hand, there are those calm and soft behaviours which is caused by being loving. In all cases, see what is behind the other persons thoughts and actions. Look more for where they are coming from than where they are going with it.

Some of the dramatic actions which can easily effect us, is mostly based on some irrational self-centered belief. They may have lost the plot.

As they say, the truth of the matter will set you free; to are large degree. I remember a time when a very dysfunctional and angry man was sent to me for counselling. After awhile, he jumped out of his chair and suddenly leaned over my desk, planted his face in front of mine, and started screaming blue murder. However, I saw it coming and did not flinch. As he withdrew to sit back in his chair, I said calmly: "We'll work on your anger as well". He was so impressed that he was keen to come back for more counselling. However, here is something that I could not control at that time. My adrenaline hit the roof. After my client left, I noticed that my whole physiological system was buzzing at high frequency for many hours. So, to a large degree, we can avoid being effected by others thoughts and actions while understanding the truth behind it all.

Oddly enough, after not seeing this client for several years, he visited me last week. He has changed so much since then. He seems to be so serene and accepting of life, and he was very accepting to talk truthfully to me. He apologized for screaming at me. He said he was afraid that he would be wasting his time with me, because he actually thought he was incapable of change.

[Nahm]

Take responsibility for everything. How am I doing this? How did I bring this upon myself? What is the message I am sending to myself in this? The truth is it's all you, so doing this brings you closer to the truth by taking you straight through the illusion being held about what you are.