Hopelessness, Mundane Tasks

[dew]

I'm new to self-actualizing although I've have been watching Leo's videos on youtube for months now. I've been meditating for 2 weeks and I have also cut down my internet use. I used to have music playing in the background all the time while doing the dishes, cooking, etc but not anymore. I feel so tempted to turn on the music but I know that it's just me trying to avoid and escape my own thoughts. This afternoon, I was thinking and making a to-do list in my mind and I realised that I'll never really be finished. There will be a new to-do list tomorrow, the day after that and on and on forever. I had to do grocery shopping three days ago and had to go again today and will have to go every three days till the end of my life. Its like life is an endless sequence of mundane to-do lists that despite their pointlessness we cannot avoid. I don't know where these thoughts are coming from. Maybe its because I used to be so immersed in mindless stimulation all the time and my ego is just trying to force me to go back to that? Did anyone else go through this? I know I should be strong but these thoughts are very upsetting.

Edited July 16, 2017 by dew

[Erlend K]

If listening to music makes mundane tasks more enjoyable, I don't see why not. If you want to be more constructive you can replace the music with an audiobook or podcast about something you want to learn about. Or, if you want to be really hardcore - retreat style - you can use mundane tasks as active meditations, trying to be mindful of all the sensations you experience.  

[dew]

I cannot pull off the retreat thing yet. In fact I was trying to do that the other day and I got really bored and even more tempted to distract myself with music. I dont want to give in because I recently realised I never sit alone with my thoughts, I always play music to tune out the thoughts and it has become a serious addiction. I do like the idea of using it as a time for learning new stuff. Think I'll try that. Thank you. 

Still feeling low-key disturbed by the perpetuity of chores though ?