Awakening/enlightenment Experience

[Voyager]

My friend and I went camping in the forest for 2 nights. The first night we "candy flipped" 200mg MDMA, then 320mg LSD 2 hours later. 

I was enjoying the heart opening of the MDMA and realised that I'm quite authentic in general because I don't tend to open up much more than usual on it. There's still some enjoyable body feels and conversations with my friend become additionally loving. 

When the LSD started kicking in, I was feeling quite unsettled. I had been contemplating Leo's video about the Paranormal. Before starting down the Actualization path I had a fear of Hell, because I was brought up in a Christian High School, and they drilled us with the consequences of not signing up to their dogma. I had been feeling quite comfortable in the knowing of God and Non-Duality but this really threw a spanner into the works and re-implanted thoughts and fears into my web of beliefs. So anyway I started freaking out a bit for the first time in a long while, even after some previously heavy trips .

My friend guided me to lie down and I surrendered to the experience. The loving warmth of God started to wash away the fear and I started to calm down and relax into it. I arose 10 minutes later and proceeded to sit near the fire. For the next few hours some very interesting feelings and “knowings” started to arise. I started getting orgasmic body sensations. I was squatting in stillness near the fire trying to embed myself into the loving warmth. It was utterly orgasmic. I was literally making orgasm sounds. I felt myself sinking into nothingness over and over.

I looked up at my friend and I was like “REALLY?”, “NO WAY”, he replied “I know, I KNOW”. For the next hour we literally kept repeating the same thing over and over.  We were both experiencing the cosmic joke. There was this raw infinite energy just pouring out from within us. I started ripping and dropping heavy chains off myself to the floor. I was getting lighter and lighter. My awareness / consciousness was sky rocketing. I let out a primal growl and shock wave of energy exploded from within. I looked at my friend and he looked at me with a sort of sadness. He said “it’s all done”, “it’s all done”, It’s ALL done”.  We were on a higher plane of existence, like how heaven would feel like. Looking him in the face, I saw myself plain as day in his eyes. It was as crystal clear as looking in the mirror. I had seen through the cosmic joke. THIS IS IT, THIS IS IT. It was the only way, the only way. I had to trick myself into believing I exist. I had to trick myself into fetching sticks and chopping wood. It was the only way, the only way. Because I am nothingness. Shit, I have awoken.

I seriously couldn’t put this experience into words. I’ve experienced myself as God before on 10 grams of mushrooms. This was so different, so different. I honestly thought that I was done, that I was awake for good. That maybe that night I would just dissolve into nothingness. Of course the Ego is too sneaky for that. I am back, and I am so confused. I feel like I KNOW the truth, but it’s so, so hard to accept.

I have imagined this entire reality, and now I’m typing to myself.

Help…

[Arkandeus]

now that's a trip, congratz on getting there.  

remember, the universe is infinite, there are experiences even beyond that , it's never done 

[Principium Nexus]

@Voyager You went through the eye and came back, I know what that feel like and it can be both amazing and confusing. As long as you are human, you cannot escape from this conceptual world that is hold by all ego's. We all together keep this matrix of thought alive, it's so hidden because we don't recognize it is this "way" of thinking that imprison us, which doesn't have to be bad by the way!

Psychedelics dissolve boundaries, the ideas of absolute concepts, that things are separated. We are not, you are not. We are all one. Now, the logic part kicks in, OH MY GOD, but I  still have a life to live. This is where you learn to integrate and transform this god experience by doing mediation, it's the vesicle you will use your entire life, to find balance in between.

The greatest artist/visionaries are made by learning to bridge these two worlds, in the form of paintings, music, writings, etc.

The only thing you can do is learn to live with this, try to find balance between knowing the divine and living an ordinary human life where most haven't even had a glimpse of the knowledge you had to experience.

Psychedelics are no joke people, only for the toughest of minds! Namaste

[nightrider1435]

I'll never forget how that high plane of existence felt while on MDMA, truly incredible. I've heard of this "candy flipping" technique before but never have personally tried that, mainly out of concern for my brain.. This sounds like one hell of a trip you had, well done! 

[Voyager]

@Principium Nexus I have a sense of nihilism after that experience. I don't know how to continue operating as if I am a human on a planet interacting with other humans. It feels so strongly like I have created this entire perceived existence and that even evolution didn't actually manifest within nothingness, that perhaps I made up that story to give myself a perspective in which to operate as a self. Did I imagine all the Gurus of the ages, did I imagine Leo? How "real" is "mine" and "everybody elses'" existence exactly? Is "being alive" a thing? I can't tell if i'm going to deep on the questioning now, but when I was losing my mind I just could not understand how "ANYTHING" could possibly actually exist at all. 

[Principium Nexus]

@Voyager But if nothing exists how do you explain the experience you are now having? Even joy or anxiety, why would you be able to percieve those feelings if it is all nothing? I know your mind is grinding on some very tough existantial questions, but you have to find some peace of mind to evaluate these things in a calm and objective manner. Don't draw conclusions too fast. Life is a paradox, I think most people can agree on that, but how much does that matter?

I feel we are all here because the universe is in balance. I enjoy the act of being alife even while it feels like the most crazy irrational thing ever.

What you have had is an ego death, a very prominent one. To asure you things will become more normal again, I have stood in your shoes 5 years ago. You probably feel like reborn at the moment and that you have been thrown back into this world after millions of years. You will familiarize yourself again with the ordinary things you do in life but it does cost effort.

You have had one of the fullest ego deaths one can experience, which is the most enlightening but also the most unsetteling. Try to take some rest for all the theories you are having, go chill, experience your senses with awareness, let the sense of you slowly grow, but this time differently!

You have to chance to fully rediscover all the mechanisms behind action, which no normal man ever will learn. It will only help you to come close to the truth, to seek it and to find it and live closed to your heart.

Try to cover all the basic understanding which human society has generated so far and question its validity? What characteristics of reality can you identify, what forces do you feel, how would your perfect story of how things would work look like?

Those are some questions you have to answer. You feel like a long way from home but you will get there

[starsofclay]

Yeah, I turned into God on about 12 Baby woodrose seeds (LSA) and a few hits of marijuana. The cosmic joke made me laugh like a maniac, although now I can't remember what it was.  Then I kept repeating "It hurts so much... but in the end it was worth it... because it was beautiful." (I was talking about existence, not the trip). There was also a very creepy nursery rhyme repeating in my head that I made up about finding a bean under a bed... 

I also thought that I was done. That I had "cracked the code", as I kept telling myself.

I don't regret the trip, but I don't think I will do it again. After the comedown, i realized I don't like the feeling of loosing my mind like that. 

Edited July 15, 2017 by starsofclay

[Voyager]

@Principium Nexus Your words were really helpful, I appreciate it. 

[pluto]

Reminds me of my 1st LSD experience with my close friend, it felt like we became gods and lived for thousands of years in that night alone we had no recollection of time whatsoever. It was bliss and yeah words are pointless explaining experiences like these ahaha just gotta embrace and express gratitude and eventually energy circulates thus reality shifts

Edited July 16, 2017 by pluto

[pluto]

On 7/15/2017 at 1:08 PM, Voyager said:

@Principium Nexus I have a sense of nihilism after that experience. I don't know how to continue operating as if I am a human on a planet interacting with other humans. It feels so strongly like I have created this entire perceived existence and that even evolution didn't actually manifest within nothingness, that perhaps I made up that story to give myself a perspective in which to operate as a self. Did I imagine all the Gurus of the ages, did I imagine Leo? How "real" is "mine" and "everybody elses'" existence exactly? Is "being alive" a thing? I can't tell if i'm going to deep on the questioning now, but when I was losing my mind I just could not understand how "ANYTHING" could possibly actually exist at all. 

100% there is no one else here you created it all You created Leo too as he created you, grasping it is pointless but enjoying the play is the best thing we can do for now. Were all one consciousness and the higher we vibe the closer to that oneness we become and see so it all looks the same, all perspectives become one. Ultimately.

[Paula_]

When you are about to have an ego death is that when you feel like you are literally dying? Heart beating fast and feels like you are looking at everything with different eyes and then you realize there isn't you. It's just awareness right there. It happened to me last night, sober, and I was so scared. Did not know what to do. Yes, surrender, but my ego did not want too. I was loosing my mind. 

[nightrider1435]

@Paula_ Yeah this has happened to me twice so far since I've been on this journey. I couldn't surrender, my ego wasn't having it. Facing death is no joke at all.

Edited July 17, 2017 by nightrider1435

[mp22]

On 14/07/2017 at 9:36 AM, Voyager said:

My friend and I went camping in the forest for 2 nights. The first night we "candy flipped" 200mg MDMA, then 320mg LSD 2 hours later. 

I was enjoying the heart opening of the MDMA and realised that I'm quite authentic in general because I don't tend to open up much more than usual on it. There's still some enjoyable body feels and conversations with my friend become additionally loving. 

When the LSD started kicking in, I was feeling quite unsettled. I had been contemplating Leo's video about the Paranormal. Before starting down the Actualization path I had a fear of Hell, because I was brought up in a Christian High School, and they drilled us with the consequences of not signing up to their dogma. I had been feeling quite comfortable in the knowing of God and Non-Duality but this really threw a spanner into the works and re-implanted thoughts and fears into my web of beliefs. So anyway I started freaking out a bit for the first time in a long while, even after some previously heavy trips .

My friend guided me to lie down and I surrendered to the experience. The loving warmth of God started to wash away the fear and I started to calm down and relax into it. I arose 10 minutes later and proceeded to sit near the fire. For the next few hours some very interesting feelings and “knowings” started to arise. I started getting orgasmic body sensations. I was squatting in stillness near the fire trying to embed myself into the loving warmth. It was utterly orgasmic. I was literally making orgasm sounds. I felt myself sinking into nothingness over and over.

I looked up at my friend and I was like “REALLY?”, “NO WAY”, he replied “I know, I KNOW”. For the next hour we literally kept repeating the same thing over and over.  We were both experiencing the cosmic joke. There was this raw infinite energy just pouring out from within us. I started ripping and dropping heavy chains off myself to the floor. I was getting lighter and lighter. My awareness / consciousness was sky rocketing. I let out a primal growl and shock wave of energy exploded from within. I looked at my friend and he looked at me with a sort of sadness. He said “it’s all done”, “it’s all done”, It’s ALL done”.  We were on a higher plane of existence, like how heaven would feel like. Looking him in the face, I saw myself plain as day in his eyes. It was as crystal clear as looking in the mirror. I had seen through the cosmic joke. THIS IS IT, THIS IS IT. It was the only way, the only way. I had to trick myself into believing I exist. I had to trick myself into fetching sticks and chopping wood. It was the only way, the only way. Because I am nothingness. Shit, I have awoken.

I seriously couldn’t put this experience into words. I’ve experienced myself as God before on 10 grams of mushrooms. This was so different, so different. I honestly thought that I was done, that I was awake for good. That maybe that night I would just dissolve into nothingness. Of course the Ego is too sneaky for that. I am back, and I am so confused. I feel like I KNOW the truth, but it’s so, so hard to accept.

I have imagined this entire reality, and now I’m typing to myself.

Help…

You tricked yourself yet you knowingly put some substances that can help you remember who you are in strange places, such as on toads.