Do I Need A Relationship?

[Electron]

• Some stuff about me ?
• I am a seriously introverted guy.
• I don't go out much and even when I do, I go alone.
• Right now I am focused on my career and spend some of my day doing consciousness work.
• I am not engaged in any socialization whatsoever and I am 21. 
• I have never been in any relationships or ever had sex. 

 

A lot of people have advised me to try going out with girls, because, as they told me, its important to learn about these things at my age and to really understand the mechanisms of girl/boy bonds and I am at the appropriate age according to them. 

 

But I don't buy that. I don't really feel the need for any human being. I already feel like I am satisfied alone. It just doesn't occur to me. 

 

 

 

[Michael569]

The key to successful relationship is being content in the presence of solitude in the first place. If you require other people to feel whole, you will always suffer once they all leave you. 

That being said, socialising can be very beneficial but also very toxic. I'd rather be alone than hang out with people who socialise to elevate their "social hierarchy status", polish their ego, boast, talk shit and generally waste time. Listen to your own intuition instead of other people out there. 

You don't really need many people in your life but it can be contributing to have a like minded person or two in your life. Seeking  friends should not be random like we did in highs school by becoming friends with people who sit next to us but very picky and deliberate action ( as dicki-sh as that sounds). You want people who grow you and challenge you, you want people who will hold you accountable and give you critical but constructive feedback. You don't need fake, pretenders who will complements you and stick a knife in your back as soon as you turn around. 

As per the ladies, well again listen to your intuition again. It definitely has its benefits to experiment with sexual partners and it is also a pleasant distraction but you don't want to make it a priority ever. 

Just make sure you do not justify your solitude to give yourself a reason for self pity  because that will damage your mental and physical health and make you very miserable person. 

[ajasatya]

8 hours ago, Electron said:

I don't really feel the need for any human being. I already feel like I am satisfied alone. It just doesn't occur to me.

then why did you create this thread?

are you running away from your social phobia when deep deep inside you may not be so sure about your lonely satisfaction?

do you strive to maintain the mask of the satisfied lonely guy but you secretly watch porn, masturbate and waste the shit out of your sexual energy more or less everyday?

how hard is it to feed the politically correct self-image when you are actually carrying a crapload of guilt and fear within you?

[pluto]

All you need is yourself, society and its expectations are only distractions from authenticity.

[Loreena]

21  is pretty early for you to decide about your entire life. Focus on your life and career. Maybe a few years down the line, you could accidentally get hitched and then who knows how your plans change, possibly for the better. 

Hang on.....it's not too far.

I think you should look around a little bit. You may want to explore that side of you because later when you turn 35 or older, you don't wish to regret your decisions so its better to go out and explore it for yourself. 

Its not a good sign that you're not socializing at all at this age. Don't get offended but this is the age at which people have enough time to date, go out, hang out with friends, socialize and have relationships. 

Sometimes having a relationship with someone is not so much about a deal, contract or a plan of life, it is also a way of exploring yourself as a person. You get to know what you like/dislike in the other person. So don't think a relationship is like an extension of life. Its not a big deal. If things don't work out, you can always break. But you learn important lessons about you, the world, society, life etc. 

I think you are in a hormonal sorta stage where you are not naturally feeling to go for it. It happens generally during pre-puberty stages. A lot of people feel that way. I felt that way too at 15, like relationships are not for me, only career career career....but it smoothed out later and I got out of that rigid mental box. 

Don't take very direct decisions at a very young age. Because they are generally influenced by innocent thinking rather than experience, maturity and internal growth. You may not be at that stage yet. 

I was hella naive before starting out and mingling with people. But in the past two years, there was a rapid intellectual growth in me after doing massive insight work, watching everything on TV, YouTube, socializing, thinking about life, society, world, people and working outside changed a lot for me. I became a different person. I lost some of my introvert-ness, although I still have some of it. But I learned a hella lot. 

Its like you have to go on a world tour and then return back to know about life. 

You can't sit in a room, away from all practical experiences and learn about life. 

Life is not to be learnt in a beaker in a laboratory but in the field outside. 

So push yourself a bit and you'll get big returns.

Right now everything looks unnecessary, limited or even impossible to you, but once you go out, get going, you will realize that are just too many opportunities to learn and grow. 

Let your life come full circle. Go out.

Edited July 14, 2017 by Loreena

[aurum]

@Electron

What if you were lying to yourself?

You don't seem that content being alone 24/7. You're seeking out strangers on the internet to get advice from.

 

[Shin]

You need to have a girlfriend and have passionate and dirty sex with her.
You need to have some friends with similar interest and hang out some time.
You definitely need to learn how to be at ease socially without any judgment or anxious thoughts.

You need to do those things, not because you need them, but because you need to really understand why you don't need them.
There is no need for anything actually, but really knowing that is very different than doing mental masturbation about it, which means taking actions.
There is no shortcut here, your mind actually doesn't know if it doesn't need those things, it thinks it does, but it doesn't.

[ajasatya]

21 hours ago, Quantum Mike said:

This is horrible. 

What kind of horrible person thinks like this?

hello dear brother.

i am playing a role on this forum. the ugliness/beauty of what i say is correlated with the ugliness/beauty of what people need to hear (read), which is correlated with the ugliness/beauty of what people are doing to themselves.

sometimes i wish i had someone in the past with enough courage to throw my own lies on my face, just like i did with our friend @Electron. it would have hurt like hell, but it would have saved me from many ailments that i was summoning to myself due to ignorance.

healing can get very dirty, ugly and painful before it blooms.

[Justin Evans]

@Electron If you don't authentically feel the desire to get in a relationship, then don't do it in my opinion. Relationships are a huge time investment, complicates things, and effects the other partner. If you are forcing yourself to get involved into a relationship, it won't work, and she will be a casualty. 

Thats just me though, you know you better than ANYONE. You'll know when you meet a girl that your crazy about, that's when I would go in.

[Santiago]

Hey dude, I have been in the same boat for some years now. I stopped talking to all my friends because I just got bored of them, they just do drugs, eat trash food and watch tv to be happy... I am 26 btw.

I am a virgin, I feel fine without women and all this time I thought that I didn't need a relationship to be happy, I am happy on my own, but lately I have been thinking that this makes no sense at all.. How can we say that we don't need to have sex with girls if we haven't tried it yet?? Maybe you try sex and it's much better than being alone and fapping. Just think that dating is one of the biggest dimensions of human life, at least that is how society puts it, so why not give it a try? and then after trying a couple times you can decide better if you really don't want to do it.

Now a big factor in my life that has led me to where I am now is the absence of healthy relationships in my familiy, I have never seen a happy couple in my entire life, and so I have all this negative ideas about relationships in general. My parents got divorced, then my mother got married again and divorced after some violent years.. My dad is now with a girlfriend but they are about to break up.. My best friend has a psycho as a girlfriend and he is getting destroyed.. It really is discouraging, maybe this is happening in your life too.

But the reality is that this people experience bad relationships because they are broken inside, my mother has huge psycological problems, my friend has 0 self-steem, my dad who knows... 

 

Anyway, I think that if we work on ourselves and build up our self-steem with some luck we might get a healthy relationship.. But yeah I understand the idea of trying to get to that point and doing all the work and then meeting girls and then finding the right one is just too much struggle... 

 

If I were you I would try to answer this:

*Are you surrounded by unhealthy relationships?

*What are the first 3 ideas that come to your mind when you think about relationships?

*What would a girl think about you if she gets to know you? would she think that you are weird or (insert negative aspect about yourself here)?

*Are you happy with your body? with your penis? would you be 100% secure naked in front of a girl?

*What would a girl think if she finds out you are virgin?

 

I have found in myself a lot of insecurities that keep me from trying to meet girls, and maybe they too apply to you, and you start to understand better why could it be that you are avoiding relationships.

 

PD: I am starting nofap, just to motivate me to go out and talk to girls, maybe you should try it too.

[Arion]

@Electron I am everything you described, except the introverted part- I won't say I'm seriously introverted.

 

my point of action I said to keep searching for truth, and blasting my career.

whichever friends , girls etc I meet on the way, so be it