Daddy Issues

[Mondsee]

Just a few days ago, I realized I might have strong daddy issues.

The figure of my father has always been a very dominant one in my family. I have seen my mother being afraid of him since I was a child, and I was and still am occasionally also scared of how he might react because he literally explodes in anger and looks for a threat or punishment. Also, he likes to have everything under his control, and for example gets especially mad when he calls me and I don't answer the phone. He absolutely hates feeling like he is loosing control over someone.

My relationship with him isn't always bad, sometimes it is actually really good, but from time to time we have serious discussions that mainly start in him heavily criticizing something about me, the most common is about the way I do/did something, and how that is terribly bad and should be improved.

I know the reason why he still has some power on me and actually scares me, is because as I am on the transition of becoming financially independent and right now, his economically support is still crucial for me. On the other hand, he knows that when I am independent, his power on me will be heavily reduced, so he already is trying to compensate in other fields, I guess.

I'll add in here that when I was a child, I actually sometimes fantasized of an adult man falling in love with me. The reason is probably very related to this issue.

Now, this isn't only about me. Probably many other members of this community have daddy issues of some type, and hopefully some others have gotten themselves out of that hole.

Please share here your experiences and advice on how one can get over that trauma, that oftentimes is an unconscious one.

Thank you very much.

Edited July 12, 2017 by Mondsee
forgot to mention sth.

[egoeimai]

I won't say much.

If you want this issue not be a part of your life no more, you know what to do, love and accept your daddy as he is,and everything will be fine,you him and everyone. 

[ajasatya]

@Mondsee he's extremely attached to you and suffers a lot. it's that simple. the solution, in other hand, is not, because it involves pain, frustration.

if you live trying to postpone/avoid that pain, you'll be feeding his attachment and your prison, which causes more suffering to both of you.

if you face it for once and start living for the sake of your freedom, there will be liberating pain (not suffering) for both of you. talk to him about his attachment to control and how it affects your life.