What Constitutes A Healthy Ego ?

[Visitor]

16 hours ago, Loreena said:

Is there anything like a healthy Ego. And if it does exist or is beneficial for growth in life, then how should someone define it. 

What will be the characteristics of a healthy Ego ? And how should one cultivate it ?

Let's assume a person is suffering from low self-esteem (ego-energy). Their ego is largely based on shattered hopes (the bankrupt idealist). They need to find a new hope and to rebuild self on a more solid footing of truth, reality and love. In this way, they learn the truth about their ego and can learn to not rely on it like they used to. In fact, they can build up enough truth and love to no longer needing validation (humble and meek) like the ego does.

So, a healthy ego is one who is okay with being not okay (so to speak). The fears which once ruined the ego has been replaced with the love of truth. Though it likes the love, but the truth keeps it quiet, humble and meek.

Cultivating it? Deep introspection of one's truth, and accepting it, (eventually) puts one's ego in a safe, calm, soft place (which it loves). For it knows that it no longer needs to work so hard from keeping the person in denial of itself. It has already been exposed, dissected, de-mythivized.

[SOUL]

17 hours ago, Prabhaker said:

The East takes the ego itself as the disease; the whole mind is the disease.

This type of thinking reminds me of the western religious concept that we are born sinful and is just as much the manipulative dogmatic belief.

 

17 hours ago, Prabhaker said:

Leave this forum and listen to western psychology, otherwise you may be confused. This forum is about eastern spirituality, which teaches non-ego.

Your telling someone to leave the forum if they have a differing view because it only belongs to the religious rhetoric that you embrace? Wow, that's pretty egoic.

[Natasha]

7 hours ago, jimrich said:

SWEET!  LOL, now go tell that to a rape or incest VICTIM!   Go dump that lovely little concept on a PTSD soldier just home from a war!  Give that cute little speech to one of the Boston Marathon victims who lost their legs or more!  Tell those happy little stories to the mom's who just delivered STILL BORN babies!   I'm quite sure that all of those Victims will be ever so happy to be told that this is all just an egoic illusion.

Yes, those who are still identified with their ego, would not understand and accept that. Self-realized, though, if put under the above mentioned circumstances, would feel deeper and move on faster, because they no longer identify with the ego. Their sense of victimhood is greatly diminished.

[Prabhaker]

19 minutes ago, SOUL said:

This type of thinking reminds me of the western religious concept that we are born sinful and is just as much the manipulative dogmatic belief.

We are not born enlightened, we are born sinful, to live unconsciously is sinful, living consciously is our achievement. All sufferings happen due to our unconsciousness, which is a sin. If we are not born sinners, why anybody will need a spiritual journey ? 

29 minutes ago, SOUL said:

Your telling someone to leave the forum if they have a differing view

She is studying western psychology, she wants to have a healthy ego, to adjust in society, maintain healthy relationships,  eastern spirituality will create only confusion. 

I know her views and I love her, it was my friendly advise.

[Loreena]

@SOULThat's ok.

@Prabhaker Thanks.

Edited July 9, 2017 by Loreena

[Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj]

 

[ajasatya]

Loreena said:

What Constitutes A Healthy Ego ?

• a peaceful mind
• healthy eating habits
• an exercising routine
• no possessiveness towards others
• the willpower to live today
• compassion

[Toby]

It is often not the situation what is traumatic but the reaction towards it. Some people are more resilient psychologically and physiologically than others. Minor things could be traumatic to someone while "major" things could not be traumatic to someone else. In fact there is a spiritual teacher (Isira) who - afair - woke up during being raped at 16 or something because she was able to surrender completely to the situation.

Edited July 9, 2017 by Toby

[SOUL]

1 hour ago, Prabhaker said:

We are not born enlightened, we are born sinful, to live unconsciously is sinful, living consciously is our achievement. All sufferings happen due to our unconsciousness, which is a sin. If we are not born sinners, why anybody will need a spiritual journey ? 

Doubling down on a dogmatic belief doesn't make it valid.... it's just a belief. It's one that is built on the premise there is something wrong with us for just being us, that our naturally occurring human existence itself is diseased and this is just manipulating others with the idea that your dogmatic beliefs can save us from it.

Here's an alternative perspective you may consider, it's based in actual human experience for it's premise. We are born an awake being, simply aware with virtually no ego and very little self since we...well, are just born. Then as we grow over a number of years our self conscious is constructed by our mind as a naturally occurring mechanism and that includes as part of it an ego.

So whether the ego/self is healthy or unhealthy depends on what was put into it while it is being constructed by the mind and continually goes through changes as more and more experience happens. It can also be intentionally transformed by us through inner work. It definitely could be said that most if not virtually all common conditioning that happens induces a sort of zombie mind even before we have fully matured.

Although to conflate the two, the naturally occurring mechanism in our mind and what gets put into that mind which is used to construct the ego/self, is itself an unaware perspective. It would be like calling a car broken and blaming it for the actions of a bad driver. A dog isn't diseased for just being a dog and a human isn't diseased for just being human.

It may be a popular view with many "eastern" spiritualists to believe as you do but popularity doesn't validate it either. Ironically, this "diseased" concept is just some unhealthy conditioning you are attempting to project onto others in hopes they will believe it, too and that just bolsters your own ego sense of justification in believing it yourself.

1 hour ago, Prabhaker said:

eastern spirituality will create only confusion. 

Yes, I do see the confusion that eastern spirituality creates in the people who believe it.

Edited July 9, 2017 by SOUL

[SOUL]

@Loreena That's good to hear though I was addressing the comment in general terms, this forum doesn't belong to solely eastern spirituality and nobody should be told to leave if they don't wish to adopt those beliefs.

Edited July 9, 2017 by SOUL

[Toby]

Look. I know what I am talking about from direct and my own experience. But I am not willing to disclose every private detail of my life. I agree with you that trauma and let's say integration is a very important part on the path. I can only say that I am not a therapist myself but I studied a lot of approaches in depth regarding trauma because it was necessary for me. And I took enough therapy sessions to be qualified to make a statement about trauma relating to spirituality. But I am not going into details here, because it might even trigger myself or others even though in my story there was no sexual abuse.

[Seeker_of_truth]

1 hour ago, Sri McDonald Trump Maharaj said:

Wow !! Always at the back of my mind I was worrying if I'm making a refined ego by trying to be egoless. Now I have a clear goal to accomplish - help my ego grow but consciously. This sounds simple, let me see how it goes....

 

[Natasha]

@jimrich Yes, I was born into an extremely loving and supportive family. Even though my Dad had somewhat narcissistic personality, the family were simple, hardworking, and content in their life people. My parents divorced when I was a teen and I remember that event didn't affect me so much, because I wished them both to live peacefully, even if that meant staying separate. Throughout my school and college years I was an avid track athlete and always loved learning and exploring. I don't remember ever dwelling on negative stuff growing up, though I lived in a Soviet society with a lot of BS politics, run down economy, and red-tape. I also try to see all my  friendships/relationships as teachers. After I got my degree, I moved to the U.S. - another good chapter of my life. A few years later - husband dies and a cancer diagnosis for me. Kept working, raising my son, living life to the fullest.  So, no I was not in the war, a rape-victim, mother of a still born baby, but I did have my share of suffering. This suffering is what prompted my awakening 2 years ago. That doesn't mean I'm free of ego, but see through it's BS and render it no power. This is what liberation is all about. Peace.  

[Toby]

Ok. I write how I write and when I say "often" I am not referring just to myself but also other people. I've seen enough people that brought traumatic events or episodes up in "Satsangs" or other group settings. Or I spoke with other clients. And I also worked with people even though not as a therapist.

[Deep]

@Loreena In reality there is no such thing as healthy or unhealthy ego. There is only God's will running through us. If God wants someone to be a serial killer, that's what they will be. They don't have choice in the matter. 

To answer your question, a healthy ego is living in alignment with your values. What are you desires? What do you want in life? 

[Ananta]

8 hours ago, jimrich said:

Please tell us about your own REACTIONS towards traumatic events.  How many have you survived and what happened to you then?

I didn't post on this thread, but just reading your responses to other people's posts was disturbing and triggering.

Some people don't want to talk about their personal experiences, reactions, traumas and recovery on a forum- that's their right. It doesn't mean they can't post a comment or opinion regarding the OP's question.

Why must you also write in bold and caps so much? That's like yelling the word or phrase at someone.

If you want to spill your guts out on the forum, so be it, it doesn't mean others want to and they don't have to.

 

Edited July 10, 2017 by Anna1

[Joseph Maynor]

Another perspective.  A healthy ego is one that a person is super conscious of.  Like levels of awareness up from the norm.  So the ego is smaller basically.  It shrinks as the subconscious beliefs shift due to increasing awareness.  Increasing awareness dissolves the ego over time.

Edited July 10, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[SOUL]

@Prabhaker I apologize for my harsh tones towards you earlier, I am not sorry about the message, that remains the same, I think it's manipulating to tell someone they are born "diseased" and to then suggest the only way to be saved or heal from it is to believe the dogmatic beliefs of a religion or specific form of spirituality.

So, I really do apologize about my accusatory tone, I wasn't really meaning to accuse you per se and I don't think you actually do it to justify your ego beliefs but to present my view I chose to use it with you and I should not have.

I hope my words didn't hurt or harm you in any way... of course if you are egoless no selfing then it shouldn't have but I apologize anyway.

Peace to you.

Edited July 10, 2017 by SOUL

[SOUL]

@Joseph Maynor  I really appreciate a couple of your observations about ego in relation to happiness you expressed elsewhere and now with a similar idea here although allow me offer another way to view it.

Ego may not grow or shrink in size or relative strength in that way but as we habituate ourselves to less egocentric patterns the ego eventually becomes less egotistical about it's own existence because it uses our experience to form it's identity. It just adheres to what we give it and if we give it less ego centered experience, it becomes less egocentric with it's manifestations in our mind.

Does that make any sense to you?

[Joseph Maynor]

30 minutes ago, SOUL said:

@Joseph Maynor  I really appreciate a couple of your observations about ego in relation to happiness you expressed elsewhere and now with a similar idea here although allow me offer another way to view it.

Ego may not grow or shrink in size or relative strength in that way but as we habituate ourselves to less egocentric patterns the ego eventually becomes less egotistical about it's own existence because it uses our experience to form it's identity. It just adheres to what we give it and if we give it less ego centered experience, it becomes less egocentric with it's manifestations in our mind.

Does that make any sense to you?

Ah.  So it's kind of like getting off an ego addiction.  The longer you stay sober the less and less cravings arise over time.  I love this way of looking at it.  It's very hopeful.

Edited July 10, 2017 by Joseph Maynor