kieranperez

No Motivation To Even Bother Doing Anything

2 posts in this topic

Severely depressed right now. I just feel so checked out from life. Nothing feels like it matters. Nothing feels to have any meaning. I'm by no means suicidal anymore. I'm just sleeping my days away. I'm trying so hard mentally to be on top of my personal development and finally get my life going. I really am. I'm an avid watcher of Leo's channel. However, he's 100% right regarding the tendency of just watching and listening and reading personal development material as mere mental masterbation. I want to apply all this material. In the end though, I seriously don't have the heart to do it. I try using leverage on myself (reference to a Tony Robbins concept) which just get's me feeling more neurotic. I listen to everything and all this stuff. When it comes down to it though, if I sit down for example and try to study for my real estate license, which I do want to pursue now, I just hit this wall. 

I was also journaling the other day and I discovered a couple things:

  1. Regarding my addiction to sleeping my days away - I do so as my way to escape from all that's going on in my head. It's like my ultimate procrastination tool when I'm so overwhelmed and depressed. It's my way of shutting everything out. However, even when I try to stay up and focus, I could be studying sitting down and then all of a sudden I give in and just fall asleep on my desk. It's like I can't escape this fatigue.
  2. My whole life I've always wanted to live a life with a sense that my life mattered. I wanted to do something significant and feel like what I wanted to pursue actually meant something. As the years have passed though and throughout the course of my failures over the last 8-10 years going back to when I was in the 7th & 8th grade, the more I felt like it didn't matter. That in the big scope of things, I don't matter that much. I've felt like my life has lost it's meaning. Due to that, whether my life is actually meaningful or that whole notion is all a fiction, I feel like I've been stripped of all the core motivations that drove me before this point in my life. 

I just feel like I'm in such an empty whole that part of me is refusing to try and let me get myself out...

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The Fact that you're studying personal development says that you're on the right path even if you feel stuck at the minute.

Sometimes we hit bumps in the road, keep going you'll get through this period in your life.

When you talk about your failures remember Edison failed more than a thousand times before he got it right.

Get knocked down 7 times, get up 8. 

You've just gotta keep getting up

You can do this

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