Question

[goodguy]

Hello.

Why does is seem to me that I dont really want to 'end' (my) suffering. Like, for some reason,  being 'nothingness' doesnt appeal to me that much..? Thats not to say that I dont search, I'm always searching. And on first glance I wouldnt say about myself that I enjoy my suffering.. The problem is that I dont really know what I want, deep down inside. I always search for different things. Could it be that I enjoy my suffering? Because if I really would want to end my suffering I would be searching for enlightenment (right)? 

thank you

Edited July 4, 2017 by goodguy

[Prabhaker]

15 hours ago, goodguy said:

Why does is seem to me that I dont really want to 'end' (my) suffering.

It is difficult to get rid of pain, misery, and suffering for the simple reason that they have been your companions for your whole life. Except them, you don't have any friends in the world.

It is easier to be in pain, misery, suffering, than to be utterly lonely, because there are ways you can have pain-killers, you can have drugs, as an escape from misery. You can get engaged in all kinds of stupidities to forget your suffering. But there is no way - no painkiller is going to help you out of your loneliness, no drug, no stupidity.

Loneliness is so deep that all these superficial methods cannot reach to it, cannot touch it. That's why it is so difficult to get rid of these few friends that you have got. This is your world, your family.

Your suffering makes you somebody special. Without all your suffering, you are nobody. Who are you? You will not even have something to talk about with anybody. You will be at a loss - what are you going to talk about?

At least your suffering, your pain, your misery, makes you somebody special. It gives you a certain character, it gives you a certain identity. Moreover it is your misery, nobody else's. It is your possession, your prestige. If it is just taken away from you, you will be a beggar.

Suffering also becomes a support to your ego. A man without suffering, without pain, without any misery - how can he manage his ego? He won't have any props for the ego.

You cannot get rid of your miseries for the simple reason that you don't have anything else to cling to. You will be empty - and nobody wants to be empty. 

~ OSHO

[Gabriel Antonio]

You are searching for love.

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