Trip Report Ayahuasca

[Gabriel Antonio]

Insights

> I have had for the first time a true no-self experience. I could feel how everything is my creation. Some insights I actually experienced first-hand: 

"You secretely know that you are the only one here."
"Talking with others gives you the ilusion that there is someone else other than yourself." (Oscar Wilde) 
"I felt like I was stuck in my own creation."

> I felt a strong energy towards destroying all ilusions. I was able to break free of thoughts patterns as if I were expurging them. 

> At one point of the trip, the image of Leo came to mind. And he was just laughing really hard. It reminded me of what he wrote on a recept post here, "To know God's raddiance." 

> A deep-rooted fear also popped. Of going insane. At some point, I stopped giving attention to that thought.

>  I was questioning myself as God, "Why did I create all of this?" It is all a great party. 

> I accepted death. At one point, I kept myself nearly 100% still. Of course, I was breathing though. I began pondering, "What is death like? What is this thing called absence of life?" It felt liberating to dive into that.  

> If you are forcing, then it is not true love. 

> Another thing that happened was how to cure my perfectionism: start half-assing stuff. Sure, this advice is not for most people, I guess, but to me works great because then I find the sweet spot. 

Me currently
        |--------------------|-------------x------|
Half-assing                               Perfectionism

Therefore I apply force the other way. 

> I felt so liberated. At one point, I thought, 

"What if this goes away?" 

Then, a wise spiritually matured voice said, "It is okay." 

[Arkandeus]

I deeply relate to the half-assing; 

it has evolved for me to be so rich....half-assing is an art that allows you to use just the right amount of energy with your present circumstances. 

the perfectionist mind sees a plan and tries to apply all your energy to it, because the planning mind is small it cannot contain all the factors and ongoing circumstances in your life, it simply calculates with what ''should be possible'' which is vulgar estimation that always ends up being useless and even damaging, as many perfectionists including myself have experienced where we got to the point that our plans are too intimidating to the point of scaring us. 

the energy mismanagement is scary. 
to deliberately half-ass stuff is a good way to get in touch with your inner energy balance. 
no activity is ever the same, going to the gym one day is not going to the gym the other day, you always carry with you everything you are and everything that happens to you, many times we need to even save energy to deal with events on an unconscious level. 
 

good luck!

[JustinS]

5 hours ago, Gabriel Antonio said:

"You secretely know that you are the only one here."
"Talking with others gives you the ilusion that there is someone else other than yourself." (Oscar Wilde) 
"I felt like I was stuck in my own creation."

The few times that I have experienced this leaves me utterly confused right then and there. I just can't accept the fact that I created all of this when I come back to my egoic self.

[Gabriel Antonio]

@Arkandeusamazing writing skills! very insightful post! thanks!

[Gabriel Antonio]

19 hours ago, JustinS said:

The few times that I have experienced this leaves me utterly confused right then and there. I just can't accept the fact that I created all of this when I come back to my egoic self.

I believe the Buddhists refer to small sense of self and large sense of self.

It's all one, dude! Hahaha

That's utterly hilarious! It has always been you... only you... haha

[Real Eyes]

Awesome report!

[Gabriel Antonio]

Other insights: 

- Resist the temptation to correct others.

- Use low energy. 

- Be a nobody.

I had an image in my mind during the trip of a very small cloud, and the wind dissolving it. That's how like life is. Expect life to be boring, and it will become amazing.

 

[Tightrope Walker]

I also experienced that "I don't want this to go away".

So, what does it mean exactly when one wants to hold on to that state?

[Gabriel Antonio]

@Tightrope Walker It can never go away. No matter what you are doing, you are doing correctly. There is nothing to achieve. Whether you want it or not, it is here. Always was and will always be. 

[Tightrope Walker]

Then I guess the only difference is whether one can realize it or not. Thank you

[ajasatya]

@Gabriel Antonio very well done

take your time to integrate the experience in your daily routine. it was needed 4 months for me after my first ayahuasca experience.