How To Deal With This?

[Socrates]

Although in general i am preety resiliant to criticism but when unconscious family members and their friends judge my decisions i get so fucking triggered and use my pd and spiritual knowledge to prove them wrong. I know this is boarderline zen devilry but why does it happen and how do i fix it?

[SOUL]

It's very common for family to be strong triggers since we have such deep emotional entanglements with them and they typically have a considerable role in crafting the inner dialog going on in our head, too.

So instead of speak on the obvious that you likely already know I will instead ask about the thoughts and feelings going on once triggered, if you can become aware of them through observation you can do some inner work to resolve those. Then when they go tromping all on your triggers there will be no energy behind them and it will be easier to shrug it off.

You are well aware that you aren't going to fix them and apparently also aware that they aren't impressed by your development or knowledge, it probably is no value to them since you say they are asleep and very few of the slumbering souls do value what we gain from awakening.

This means taking the sting out of the triggers through inner work will be the most effective way to gain any peace, Becoming aware of exactly what it is that is being triggered in you as far as feelings, thoughts, imagery and inner dialog is the way to do this.

I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you didn't already know so just chalk this up to a friendly reminder....

[Dantas]

This isn't boarderline zen devilry.

It's quite simpler, do you realise yet, there's no way you can teach the unprepared?

All you can do is to be compassionate to their suffering. Focus your self first. If you're goddamn triggered, reaccess why this is happening. You can't give them wise answers when you're engaging in low counciouss conversations. This isn't easy, I know, but sometimes the best approach is to let go.

[Visitor]

1 hour ago, Socrates said:

...when...judge my decisions i get so fucking triggered and use my pd and spiritual knowledge to prove them wrong..

... why does it happen and how do i fix it?

The why? Is found in your ego-fear of being judged as invalid (wrong); and your ego-fear of not being able to convince others to see it your way (to be validated).

The how? Remind yourself that you are okay with your decisions at the moment, regardless if they may change later on. For change is how we grow. Then remember a simple cliche: Live and let live. It is none of our business how others live their life, unless they ask us for help. Otherwise, let it be, regardless if its family, friends or whoever.

Another why? If this is too hard to do, then there is still an ego-fear of losing, interest for your investment into, those that support you (an invested validity from family and friends).

Another how? It's difficult to be aware of one's own truth, and others, and respond in a way that is not expected from the self-deceived. They may judge you as cold and unloving. But you know differently. This is usually what tough-love is about. Most tough-love responses are short and sweet, such as "No". As soon as it goes into a lengthy dialog it can easily become a need to be validated again. So, keep it simple.

[alyra]

1 hour ago, Socrates said:

Although in general i am preety resiliant to criticism but when unconscious family members and their friends judge my decisions i get so fucking triggered and use my pd and spiritual knowledge to prove them wrong. I know this is boarderline zen devilry but why does it happen and how do i fix it?

why do you care what they think of your decisions? are your decisions secretly their decisions or something? 

[alyra]

also, stop thinking that other people aren't enlightened. just because someone doesn't walk the path you walk, don't mean they don't find True knowing in some way. there is infinite "Truth" to be learned out there. start noticing when "uncosnious" people already found something novel to show you - and they show it to you everyday! it's quite beautiful really.

[alyra]

don't ask why I triple post. I'm a bane to boards. but I also remembered - just because what you understand is your truth, don't mean it's someone else's truth. I heard it said by one of the "Sages" so to speak I follow, forget who it was, who said - we all live in our own version of reality. it is as if we live in our own universe, and they only interlap with each other when we interact with each other, and then it's still kinda not direct, the way the universes overlap. (i may be paraphrasing a lot) 

[Socrates]

Good stuff guys n girls, i appreciate it.

To give some more in depth info I am calm but my thoughts  during this situation are quite negative so to speak. Stuff like:

"if you cant prove them wrong maybe they are correct" 

"If they are correct oh boy have you messed up already"

"They try to leach something of you"

And Stuff like that...

 I dont identify with those though but those are responsible that I want to prove them wrong but in order to do that i use judgments and criticism but the point still doesnt get across. It feels like there is a gap between us and either i need to use strong language to be understood or not at all. This ends up by me thinking i am even wasting my time because we cant actually communicate, there is no value provided for either side and  i end up being dogmatic with my beliefs which leads nowhere.

Edited July 4, 2017 by Socrates

[Arkandeus]

if you are triggered then the weak points of your inner armor have been exposed. 
just to be conscious of that and accept that is enough to learn from the experience. 
we don't want to accept the experience because we think it will invite repeat of it. 

fully embrace that your family makes you vulnerable, that they get to you, if you can surrender to that you will learn from it. 
power that you do not deflect becomes your own 
if you're truly able to accept things you will never suffer twice for the same reason even though it seems to come from the same circumstances, and not a single second of suffering is meaningless, it always carries with it,a horde of lessons

I'd be grateful to your family for now, if you're able to consciously accept and embrace that your family gets to you, you will grow from this, to a point where they can say anything and it won't affect you because you will be tuned to their words, but to their specific vibration, the energy behind their words.

and anyone even outside of your family which will try to approach you with the same energy, the same vibration behind their words, you will be able to deal with in a smooth way because you're already used to that. 

 

a good investigation is to ask yourself: 

is it possible for my family to disagree with me and I be at harmony with that?

one piece of advice though is that sooner or later you'll have to get that there's no one above you nor is there anyone below you. 
your ''unconscious'' family members are perfect in their own way, perfect in their unconsciousness,
you cannot be at conflict with the state of ''lower'' consciousness and be at peace with your family 
you'll have to be at peace with both
as you seemingly advance in higher consciousness you'll have to figure what the true meaning is behind being ''lower consciousness'', the universe being infinite intelligence there is no such thing as lower or worse, it's our job to be open-minded to the perfection behind lower consciousness
 

 

the ego then asks : ''well if higher consciousness isn't better then lower consciousness then what I am changing for?why am I changing?'' 

simply to be, to be is to change

Edited July 4, 2017 by Arkandeus

[Loreena]

Self acceptance is key

[alyra]

2 hours ago, Socrates said:

 I am calm but my thoughts

eh imo thoughts are just thoughts. they aren't necessarily true or false, they aren't you. I've had some pretty scary thoughts in the past but they were just thoughts. they don't make me who I am. 

[Nahm]

@Socrates In meditation, let the thoughts pass. Don't react to them. This is a practice which develops the ability to focus on what you want & how you want to feel. Over time, with enough practice, you won't react to much, if anything at all. When you master that, now you're creating you & creating your life. Those unwanted thoughts won't even arise any more, no more monkey mind. It takes time, enjoy the process & celebrate the victories.

[Socrates]

@Nahm I am currently practising mindfulness meditation though. I noticed it sometimes gets manipulative and i create my thoughts instead of just being aware of them. Would you suggest switching up my practice?

[Nahm]

@Socrates Yes. Absolutely. IMO the best practice is to let thoughts go and returning focus to the breathing until you get to nonthinking. Just be aware though I am pretty sure this is not what almost everyone suggests. I tried many meditations, guided, specific eastern styles, etc. The most simple one worked best for me.