Am I ****ed Up In Head Or Is This How It Should Be?

[Silver]

Hi,

I appreciate if I can get some advice.

So I am 25 years old, I have noticed that whatever I do in my life, is it a business success, fitness, relationships every time the happiness I feel is so shallow compared to the joy and fulfillment I feel when I'm just alone and not aiming for anything. I don't know why is it like that. My ego says that I should live like a normal guy, have goals, have a good relationship but I end up always unhappy. I'm confused, am I ****ed up in my head or is it how it should be?

Based on my feelings I should live alone with no friends, no goals, no relationship but this sounds just so bizarre. My ego is giving me signals like cmon don't waste time, do this do that and so on.

Thanks,
Silver

[Prabhaker]

22 minutes ago, Silver said:

I end up always unhappy.

If you are unhappy, that simply means that you have learned tricks for being unhappy. Nothing else! Unhappiness depends on the frame of your mind. There are people who are unhappy in all kinds of situations. They have a certain program in their mind that transforms everything into unhappiness. If you tell them about the beauty of the rose, they immediately start counting the thorns. If you say to them, "What a beautiful morning, what a sunny day!" they will say, "Only one day between two dark nights, so why are you making so much fuss?"

The same thing can be seen from a positive reference; then suddenly each night is surrounded by two days. And then suddenly it is a miracle that the rose is possible, that such a delicate flower is possible among so many thorns.

All depends on what kind of frame you are carrying in your head. Millions of people are carrying crosses. Naturally, obviously, they are burdened; their life is a drag. Their frame is such that it immediately becomes focused on everything that is negative. It magnifies the negative. That is a morbid approach towards life, pathological. But they go on thinking, "What can we do? The world is such."

No, the world is not such! The world is absolutely neutral. It has thorns, it has roses, it has nights, it has days. The world is utterly neutral, balanced - it has all. Now it depends on you as to what you choose. That´s how people create hell and heaven on the same earth.

Osho, The Book of Wisdom, Talk #9 

[krazzer]

@Silver Look deeply, very deeply. Just be aware and see what awareness brings you. If you listen carefully you will know the difference between your ego talking and your intuition. 

Also, you don't have to choose between these 2 extremes. Your truth path might just as well lie somewhere in the middle.

[Telepresent]

@Silver Hello!  I was talking to someone today about the concept of 'everlasting life'.  In terms of, what would it actually mean if it happened here, now, in the midst of what we know?  Just to me.

And I thought.  And I figured I'd probably drop out for a short time, because my immediate goals (food, shelter, everything that is about survival) would be met by the simple caveat that I can't die.

And then I thought in that dropping out, I'd have fun.  Because what would be the point in engaging in the career ladder?  I could sit at home and play games etc.

And then I realised I'd get bored.  So, ok, let's go explore.

Eventually, I'd have been everywhere on Earth.  Ok, great, let's go to Mars!

And it slowly grew in me that the 'more, next, grow' idea is both unstoppable, but also simply within me.  Like a balloon.  The gas wants to expand, but the limits of the balloon stop it.

I've also noticed that people scream for definition.  They want to make every single experience make perfect sense.  And particularly when they are a young adult, they want to find a magical way that all the shit they're dealing with is some perfect build up to them being special.

(as someone who is still dealing with not being special... learning to live with it sooner helps)

And going back to re-read your post, and what I've written here,  I can't see that I've written anything that will directly help your question.  But I'm a fan of serendipity so I'm going to post it anyway.  Fare well!

[SOUL]

All this is revealing in you is the difference between the happiness that comes from the ego in our consciousness and the fulfillment that comes from the awareness in our consciousness.

The ego based happiness is dependent on stuff going our way, it's temporary and the ego is always looking for it's next fix by not being satisfied with what it's already got. The awareness based fulfillment is not dependent on the stuff in life, it transcends the temporary and can be felt regardless of whether things go our way. So we can feel fulfilled in life even when stuff doesn't go our way because through awareness we can be fulfilled with just being.... not being something or anything, just in being.

If we get our fulfillment through awareness then everything we do as far as business success, fitness, relationships or any other goal we will have is enriched because our contentment is in being and not dependent on circumstances going our way.

Edited July 4, 2017 by SOUL

[S33K3R]

All of these answers are very good! 

I wanted to add a small thing as well. Perhaps fear of attachment is what you have. Fear of abandonment. The constant stress can become difficult to bear and can leave one exhausted and giving up. I had this for years when I searched within for answers to issues of my own. 

I have a very fragmented family siblings and parents etc. This diseased my ability to love properly I was in fear and pushed others away for many years. 

This made room for a reconstruction of my belief system. If you are pushing others away there is a reason find the reason and you can design a plan to speed up the lesson and get on with life hapily. 

Whether that means accepting you like to fly solo, or that means you have to figure out fear related issues or whatever. You have the answer within.

[Leo Gura]

@Silver Sounds like a Buddha in the making.

Your intuitions are exactly right. But don't expect society to support you in that.

The kind of joy you can experience by yourself is infinitely beyond anything the external world can offer you. With nothing but some food and basic shelter you can live like a king. That's why people become monks.

[Emerald]

It depends. Sometimes it can be your intuition leading you toward your center and away from distraction. Other times, it can be a psychological avoidance mechanism that makes you unconsciously recede from life due to various fears and negative emotions that you don't want to face.

However, your emotions should be able to guide you to where you need to go, in so far as they're not obstructed by unconscious distortions. And no one can tell you if your intuitions are right or not, other than you. It's not meant for everyone to recede from life and become hermits, but it is right for some people.

I tend to think of life in this way. If I only have one life to live as this particular person and will only be around for another 50 years or so, is it really wise for me to recede from life simply to live the truth of what I am which is always infinite? So, I have an eternity to be what I actually am, but only one lifetime to live the illusion of the person called Emerald. So, I think it's wiser to play the game of life and not recede from it. But for some, the answer may be different.

But my caution is to refrain from using spirituality to justify an unhealthy avoidance mechanism that makes you recede from life and be at war with reality as it is. 

[Prabhaker]

14 minutes ago, Emerald said:

is it really wise for me to recede from life simply to live the truth

Truth has to be total, truth has to be whole. And the whole truth is: bliss PLUS meditation. It is difficult of course, arduous, to manage both. Why? — because they seem to be polar opposites. Meditation means silence and bliss means dance. Meditation means stillness and bliss means a song. Meditation means escaping from the world and bliss means sharing with the world. Meditation you can do in a Himalayan cave, but to be blissful you will have to come back to the world.

Bliss needs to be shared; it exists only in sharing. It can’t exist when you are alone, it disappears. It is a communion. Meditation can exist in aloneness and bliss can exist in togetherness. But when both exist then you have to learn a totally new way of life.

Many people have tried to meditate without bliss because it is simple, less complex. You have to take only one work upon yourself: that you have to still your mind. And you can force your mind to be stilled, but you will become sad, you will have a long face.  They have avoided the complexity of spiritual transformation. They have chosen meditation, they have forced their mind to be still. It is a negative state; their minds are only empty, not silent — forcibly made still. But it is not a natural growth of silence, it is not the flowering of silence. Their silence is like the cemetery, it is not the silence of a garden.

[Silver]

Thank you all for your insightful replies.

I was thinking why I can't take this fulfillment and joy into the life where I interact with other people and it looks like I loose the awareness of the reality, my ego takes over. I would prefer to have joy and still interact with the world at the same time.

Like Nichols Harvey said:

6 hours ago, Nichols Harvey said:

@Silver You're not supposed to do these things to become happy. You're supposed to do them because you're happy.

But how can I get there? By reminding myself of the reality over and over when I find myself that ego has taken over?

Edited July 4, 2017 by Silver

[SOUL]

6 hours ago, Nichols Harvey said:

@Silver You're not supposed to do these things to become happy. You're supposed to do them because you're happy.

That's why you're missing the mark. 

You also sound nihilistic not Buddha like.

 

On the contrary, it sounds like they have had an awakening to the 'just being' of presence, of just being in the moment, and they don't really know how to interpret the experience yet. They recognize the seemingly paradoxical nature of them coexisting in spirituality but currently cannot comprehend the resolution of it in their mind.

At least they realize the distinct experience in their consciousness of the joy and fulfillment that comes with being present. If you had the slightest bit of the same joy and fulfillment in your own life you likely wouldn't have been so critical while offering no solutions.

.....but that's just my impression, you may view it differently.

[dorg]

On 4/07/2017 at 7:08 PM, Silver said:

I was thinking why I can't take this fulfillment and joy into the life where I interact with other people and it looks like I loose the awareness of the reality, my ego takes over. I would prefer to have joy and still interact with the world at the same time.

Once you think about yourself the joy is gone.

You can be in any situation and remain joyful as long as you do not think about yourself.

Just try it.

 

 

 

Edited July 9, 2017 by dorg