Same Fear Reccuring

[Max_V]

So, I've done some solid work on fear and I still plan to keep at it as best as I can. What I've been noticing during my contemplation is that I start to intellectually realize what fear is, why it occurs, and exists. 

It is so weird to me that I have realized this but I still have a deep rooted anxiety. I know what to do when the fear arises, I've practised this aswell. -- Say to yourself it's okay to be afraid. Then let it exist and don't interract with it, just let it be-- But the same fear that I feel like I've overcome many times, just keeps returning -- Not trusting my heart and being afraid it stops--. 

Is there anything I'm missing here? Why is it so hard for me to meta- accept this fear and why does it keep returning even after I've gone through so many panic attacks and resistance.

I know my signature is giving me a perfect answer to this, but even when I'm in higher consciousness states it still feels so hostile and hard to let it be

Edited July 2, 2017 by Max_V

[Toby]

Have you also explored what the energy of fear really is?

[Truth]

It looks as though you've missed the shadow work aspect of this process. Are you questioning that feeling? Where its coming from? What you think it could be? Journaling about it? Coming up with some explanations? Then finding solutions and understandings? To weed it out this is necessary. 

An amazing resource from here on the forum about shadow work 

 

Edited July 2, 2017 by Truth
Really good resource

[Max_V]

@Truth Thanks a lot, I will start doing these exercises. I just did the enquiry part and turns out I'm afraid to be alone. I traced being scared of dying back to this. So now I've got some solid work to do

@Toby Thanks I will add this to my contemplation sessions . 

Edit: Something I just realized is that when I ask myself what does fear consists of. I get the answer " An uncomfortable feeling in my stomach and a lot of negative thoughts that make that feeling feel worse" @Toby

Edited July 2, 2017 by Max_V

[S33K3R]

I had this same issue when I started to discover the fear energy. 

Eventually I became angry and fed up with how persistent  it was. I reacted with indulgence. I challenged the fear. I challenged it to grow I said "so you want to exist, then exist" I asked it to intensify more and more and it grew and engulfed me fully and vanished. In the end after many meditations like this I realized..... I was resisting the fear a very small amount. So small I could not sense it. So now I do this in times of emotion I cannot let go. My emotions to this day have not come up with anything to control me when this method is used.

You have this same issue. I know because you ask why has it not gone? There is a small part of you that anxiously awaits this fears departure. It's okay use this technique and it should help. Sometimes to relax we must tense our muscles to the max. This is no different from emotions. Indulge the emotion that is to minute to let go. It will vanish in the indulgence.

Edited July 2, 2017 by S33K3R

[Max_V]

@S33K3R Mhh that sounds like something paradoxical, which is basicly everything on the path so it must be right . 

I do fear feeling fear though so this is going to be quite difficult.

[Toby]

From my experience I can say that fear, if really met is love, peace, freedom, joy, aliveness, excitement. Or maybe it gives rise to deeper seemingly negative emotions which can be felt which then reveal some of the more essential qualities. If you are not short of money AND if Adyashanti even resonates with you, you could get his:
- Guided Meditations at SoundsTrue (it includes 8 different meditations and one in particular to work with recurring emotions. They have a 75% "summer sale" at SoundsTrue right now, ending at July 3, 2017 at 11:59 PM Mountain Time)
- go to http://www.adyashanti.org/cafedharma/index.php?file=library_radio and search for "fear". Get "Fear: Gatekeeper of Awakening" for 10$ which is also quite good

[Max_V]

@Toby Thanks for the recommendations, I will definitely consider buying these

[S33K3R]

@Max_V that's okay, play with it to your comfort and slowly you will realize there is nothing to fear this is what you need it sounds.

Remember to play and try many methods. Only you know what is right. Observe and fine tune your methods. 

[ajasatya]

@Max_V try to feel those emotions in your body.

instead of using the mind to come up with an idea about fear, find the fear and feel the fear in your body.

observe it for a long period of time. you don't even need to ask yourself what it is. just be with it. don't run away to your thoughts.

Edited July 2, 2017 by ajasatya

[Max_V]

@jimrich But whenever these feelings come up during meditation or in my daily life ( I feel them the most intense when I meditate) I become so incredibly scared. It just feels too painful, I can't come up with anything I should do at these moments. My mind just goes " This is bad... This is real bad, keep this up and another panic attack starts. Your heart wil start with palpilations again" 

I know I'm not my thoughts, but they sounds so clearly and robust in my head. Like they're made of metal. I just lose it completely at that point. I try to watch them. But I still feel wrapped up inside of them. So it feels so wrong

[Max_V]

@jimrich Thanks for the advise. Currently I'm waiting for a reply to start psychotherapy. I'm really hoping this will help me. 

[Visitor]

18 hours ago, Max_V said:

...turns out I'm afraid to be alone. ...

Why?

[Max_V]

@Visitor  When I asked this to myself, the reply I got was " You need love and validation from others since you can't do it for yourself."

[Visitor]

2 minutes ago, Max_V said:

@Visitor  When I asked this to myself, the reply I got was " You need love and validation from others since you can't do it for yourself."

Honest answer.

However you can do it for yourself when you find and realize that you are loved. For 18 years you have been loved from within. You have been guided and supported by your conscience, the voice of Truth, within you. Next time you meditate, or go deeply introspective, get in contact with the love that loves you. Become sweetly aware of it in your heart. Then love it back. Love the love that loves you.

Then you will know that you have never been, or will be, alone.

[Toby]

Sometimes - if the fear is too strong - it is good to go more slowly and go back and forth with facing the feeling/sensation and resourcing yourself and give yourself time to integrate. Somatic Experiencing (some therapists do this and there are also some books/audiobooks of course) is something very helpful for that.

[Max_V]

This is what Adyashanti said "Strangely, when you can face fear and not look away it loses it's power and can't stay since it derives it's power from your resistance."

Damn that's so beautiful, but so hard to actually do though