How To Resolve The Paradox Between Maximum Acceptance And Doing What's Emotionally Difficult

[Joseph Maynor]

I know Leo advises doing what's emotionally difficult.  But how does this square with maximum acceptance?  There seems to be a paradox here.  Doing what's emotionally difficult all the time seems to equate to beating yourself up all the time.

Watch Leo's Video "One Simple Rule For Acing Life" first if you haven't already.

Edited July 2, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[Joseph Maynor]

19 minutes ago, Snick said:

The paradoxes arise when you creating threads and looking for outer answers! As I use to do..

And they resolve when you start listening to your inner voice! 

Trust yourself!

Got it.  Maybe questioning too much is the ego's way of clinging to life.  I'll take your advice.  Inside I go.  

Edited July 2, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[Joseph Maynor]

10 hours ago, Snick said:

Isn't if funny how everything resolves when one start to feel real love for oneself?

All you have to do is to be kind to your self. REALLY kind. 

If you have more respect and kindness towards others, treat yourself like "an other". Listening and be respectful and kind to the person that "you are not" 

To me, this is what enlightenment is about! 

You can finally start loving yourself fully without any narcissistic element in it. Then you start to understand that there is no ego to be find, yet there is a person, then the compassion and love for that person will grow big! 

Within that, you'll find inner peace and all of a sudden you got all the answers but no questions. Right now it's teh other way around! 

And paradoxically we are almost trained here in the West that loving yourself is somehow wrong, selfish, or overly luxuriant behavior.  Before Leo released his video on Self Acceptance I don't think I even knew that loving myself love was possible.  Love was something to be expected externally.  I still don't really have a Self Love practice nailed down.

Edited July 2, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[Azrael]

1 hour ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I know Leo advises doing what's emotionally difficult.  But how does this square with maximum acceptance?  There seems to be a paradox here.  Doing what's emotionally difficult all the time seems to equate to beating yourself up all the time.

Like with everything else, you gotta find a balance here. If you just do the emotional difficult, you'll stop this practice in under a week. However, if you just accept everything and don't do shit, you'll get lazy and slothy. So, develop your own lifestyle. Think strategically and build a plan how to implement both strategies.

Stop trying to make out paradoxes with the intention to fall for one side. They are paradoxes, you cannot fall for one side. You need to embrace the paradox and live both sides simultaneously. It must be that way because life is that way.

[Joseph Maynor]

11 minutes ago, Azrael said:

Like with everything else, you gotta find a balance here. If you just do the emotional difficult, you'll stop this practice in under a week. However, if you just accept everything and don't do shit, you'll get lazy and slothy. So, develop your own lifestyle. Think strategically and build a plan how to implement both strategies.

Stop trying to make out paradoxes with the intention to fall for one side. They are paradoxes, you cannot fall for one side. You need to embrace the paradox and live both sides simultaneously. It must be that way because life is that way.

Got it. I keep making the mistake that life will change with enlightenment, but it doesn't really.  It's the same old life. There's a little bit of a salvation wish in there I think.  I gotta root that out.

Edited July 2, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[Arkandeus]

2 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Got it. I keep making the mistake that life will change with enlightenment, but it doesn't really.  It's the same old life. There's a little bit of a salvation wish in there I think.  I gotta root that out.

difficulty is relative, for a depressed person to get out of bed can be as hard in terms of willpower as for a normal person to go jogging for two hours. 

the key is dropping the physical illusion
one day I may feel great and like taking a cold showers and doing all kinds of activities and the other I may get up and feel like everything is a struggle. 

you can always be doing what's emotionally difficult if you understand your energy levels. 
one day it can be emotionally difficult to attend a social event, and the other day it can emotionally difficult simply to say hi to someone. 
one day it can be difficult to go running, the other it can be difficult to simply do a simple stretch. 

difficulty is always relative, private, and unique to your present situation, difficult does not mean impossible or draining, it just means challenging. 
you can be challenging yourself all the time, you have to realize that your energy levels and your comfort zone change all the time as well depending to your mood so sometimes you will seemingly need to do something ''small'' to challenge yourself and other time something ''big''. 

the illusion is that the ''big'' thing is better and more challenging, it is not, when you have less energy and motivation a small challenge is just as hard as a big one when you feel like you have more energy and motivation. 
this is the acceptance part, accept that you have no control over your challenges, they can change from how to you feel, from moment to moment. 
and your ego will have a hard time with this especially with the small challenges.
just taking a shower or doing the dishes can be difficult, depending on your mood.
 

it never matters what you're doing physically, it's not about hat happens in front of you, it's about your consciousness. 
you are constantly training your consciousness throughout the emotional periods of your life, to keep pushing, to keep walking forward. 
everyone knows how to make big steps, but the small steps are just as important and they are an art in itself. 
make big steps, small steps, it doesn't matter, as long as you keep walking, that's the lesson
when you realize that the small step is just as hard as the big step the paradox vanishes

Edited July 2, 2017 by Arkandeus

[AlwaysBeNice]

The only thing that's really emotionally difficult, though it gets easier over time, is just to own the emotions, as that's what you were taught not to do.

Doing physical actions that trigger emotions can be good, when you can then also easily allow them out.

Some PUAs do stuff that's emotionally difficult for them for years and barely improve mentally, I remember Tyler saying that many of the experience PUAs that did cold approach for years were still afraid to approach someone.

It's because the stuck energy is still held on to, they've just learned to deal with it better, which is useful to function to some extent but not a solution.

So doing -doing nothing hard determination sittings- is actually one of the most emotionally difficult things to do because there's nowhere to run anymore.

[WelcometoReality]

6 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I know Leo advises doing what's emotionally difficult.  But how does this square with maximum acceptance?  There seems to be a paradox here.  Doing what's emotionally difficult all the time seems to equate to beating yourself up all the time.

Watch Leo's Video "One Simple Rule For Acing Life" first if you haven't already.

Accept what needs to be done. You know what it is, whatever it is. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just do it.

[Nahm]

@Joseph Maynor no paradox. It is you who labels it difficult because you are not practiced in your meditation and therefore not detached and able to realize there is no rush, you have forever, and all is well.  The difficulty is found only in your approach, not the content, the desire, or the practices. 

[Natasha]

26 minutes ago, WelcometoReality said:

Accept what needs to be done. You know what it is, whatever it is. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just do it.

I need to go to the gym today, don't feel like going though ...would rather stay at home and read the forum  But gonna do an emotionally difficult thing , get my butt off the couch and hit the gym and sauna. Yeah!! I know I'll feel better afterwards  See ya all in a couple of hours. 

[Loreena]

@Joseph Maynor Yeah I had this problem for quite a long time.  Couldn't figure out how to cut through it. There should be a middle ground. 

This is my way of dealing with it. Do a strength and risk assessment test. 

Try first the strength assessment. Are you really ready to do it. What does it require of you. If you find your goal manageable, start one at a time with Baby steps. Do you feel you can do it better than before.  If you genuinely believe that you lack the strengths or abilities, then take it slow. Do not be harsh on yourself.  If you feel you can do it but Were just putting it off or just not interested, then do it because you need to cultivate the habit. Sometimes It's not the lack of capability but rather procrastination and lack of interest. 

Next do the risk assessment. Whether doing it is worth the effort you put in. What is the benefit vs Risk. In management classes,  we call it Risk benefit analysis. If the risk is high, give up. If your benefit is more and risk is low,  you should do it.  

Acceptance is important and is a part of compatibility and awareness process. If you don't know yourself very well,  you can't accept yourself. Accepting yourself is a part of acknowledgement.  In problem solving,  the first step is acknowledgement.  

Also acceptance helps to reduce compatibility problems. If you're not compatible for a job/scenario you wouldn't do it,  thus cutting your losses. It's like damage control. 

Also lack of self -acceptance is more or less like denial.  

Would you rather want denial than acceptance ?

Edited July 2, 2017 by Loreena

[Anirban657]

 

 

Watch this video. I won't theorize because I don't know what I don't know because I don't even know that.

Mindfulness helps me to deal with paradoxes. Whenever I feel like my neurosis is kicking in, I do mindfulness with labelling.?

 

Edited July 13, 2017 by Anirban657
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