Help, What Type Of Woman Am I Dealing With?

[Blessed81]

I am near the end of this relationship with this woman who is ten years younger then me she is 24 and i am 34.  She is beautiful on the outside, i say she is a wolf in sheeps clothing.  Looks and acts so sweet but the inside is something totally different.  Let me just throw out some things ive noticed ove the past couple years.  

She takes selfies every day, when she has social media shes always posting new ones.  She literally has sent me 5 diff selfies in a day.  She is literally into herself, she looks at herself in the mirror like a man would, she touches herself like it would be a man sexually touching her.  Shes always saying things like damn my ass looks hot.  Or i am looking so good lately. 

She has told her family so much bad stuff about me and all of our fights she loves to tell people how bad i am.  She thinks my career is junk even though i am a successful entrepreneur that makes more then her whole family, just because i didnt get a degree and i dont have a 9-5.  Meanwhile she makes $10/hour and now wants to become a cop?..  She NEVER cries when she should and only cries about stupid things when she is drunk.  

She has massive daddy issues, shes a type 1 diabetic and always having health issues.  Every day her stomach is bloating way bad and shes always complaining and in a bad mood and it brings me down  when i am always trying to be positive and make people smile.  Yet she wont go to the dr and find the issue.  I know its not a good idea to have children with a diabetic yet ive stayed cause i love her so much.  Whats kept me around is the AMAZING sex, we have had so much amazing sex that ive put up with soooo much BS.  

She blames me for our failed relationship for stupid things that ive apologized for 1,000 times, yet she still rubs them in my face and every time she does something wrong she blasts my past mistakes in my face in order to justify her actions.  She literally held her dog down as they put the needle in to put him asleep and didnt shed a tear, and just watched me bawl like a baby as i put mine down and didnt shed a tear, also keep in mind i am a buff tattoed guy that you wouldnt imagine seeing cry to much.  I chalk it up to her being a vet tech and seeing dogs put down every day so its normal for her?

ive seen her texts to her friends, she says i am not going anywher with my career and she thinks she is going to meet someone in school this spring.  She always tells me things like i cant wait to meet a guy  who respects me and would never do the things youve done to me (the worst ive done to her is danced with a girl at a country concert and had no idea she seen me do this, even though we were broke up we were still fucking so she took it as i cheated on her just cause i danced with someone at a concert wtf?)  thats the thing she keeps rubbing in my face thats the worst ive done to her, even though we were technically broke up.  I really dont even think its a big deal at all.  

She is always broke and complaining about money, always talking shit on people and always has drama about work.  She doesnt think she ever does anything wrong.  She had her family do a background check on me and found a police report of a female that said my roomate raped her, after that her whole family accused me of being a rapist because there is a REPORT from my roomates ex girlfriend that said he raped her, i have never been convicted, never even heard of this until her family illegally researched my entire record.  

They thought i was a drug dealer because they were jealous that i have such nice things and they dont, i think they are just jealous that they work regular jobs for regular pay.  Anyway, she moved out after a 6 month live together, we broke up like 5 times when she lived here.  Shes now living with her brother and i keep her around for sexual fun and occational companionship.  We both know its over but we still keep hanging sometimes because we really have nothing better to do.  Shes been very shady with her phone the whole relationship, always deleting her convos with the people she talks shit on me with and ive seen it happen multiple times.  

Shes had a dude from work call her on her new phone number on a sat night asking what shes doing.  Nobody in her family or work knows we even talk, yet shes with me and my family all the time, going to funerals and all.  Everyone that knows me through her hates me and thinks i am some horrible person because she has told them all horrible things about me and made me out to look very bad. 

I have started dating a little here and there.  I really do not have any feelings for her anymore, as soon as i meet someone worthwhile i plan to fully cut things off, even right now i am about to, the sex really isnt worth all the other negative things i have to deal with.  She doesnt have any friends at all, and i have very many and have had them all for 20 years.  What is going on here guys?  Is she a narcissist? I do not know what i am dealing with, and i am trying to figure it out.  I keep kidding myself after we hang for a couple days and things are great to think we could ever have a happy and healthy relationship one day right?  I kinda know i need to move on, but someone just give it to me straight, am i a total fucking idiot for even hanging out with her at all?  Help!!  Sorry for any mis spelling i had to type this fast and my ipad is a bitch to type on.  Thanks to all that have read this.  God bless!

 

 

[Ayla]

@Blessed81 YOU NEED TO MOVE ON!

Here...  

She sounds like the victim type. You'll always end up being the perpetrator to the "outer world". 

Just one word of advice: look into your childhood trauma, or else, you'll end up attracting the exact same woman, in a different body

[Sarah Marie]

@Blessed81

It sounds like she is still very young and at a difference place on her journey. From what I've read you probably also feel like you're in a different place as well. 

I agree with @Ayla by changing your energy level you will attract a different type of person. 

 

 

[Blessed81]

When you say look into my childhood trauma, you mean like try to fix or realize my earlier childhood and maybe talk to a counselor or?  I had not been very close with my father and he passed when i was 21.  He was an addict, my mom has a different father for each of us children.  She is an amazing mother we are very close.  I have basically always had the same type of relationships, i always bicker and fight and break up often.

 I know i need to work on myself thats why i am here.  Ive been into self mastery the past couple years and it is really really helping me grow and be a better person.  I would love to have a long term healthy relationship and start a family one day soon.  She was def def always playing the victim she always says "i dont know why i always get screwed over and date shitty men".  Even when i explain to her all the wrong she's done she just kinda blows it off and turns it all back on it being my fault.  I honestly feel like something is wrong with her head.

And also my head for staying in this for over a year now.  I feel like this is def not how love should be.  Every one of my past GF's that have been long term ALL have daddy issues, every single one.  I feel like maybe thats the main thing i need to watch for going forward, because it clearly really hurts the quality of someones life.  And creates many many problems for the future of that child.   So sad that there are so many turd dad's in the world.  We are def in diff places i agree, i should have known better then to date someone so young.  It all seemed SOOOO perfect in the beginning. Quickly went downhill after the honeymoon phase.  

[Ayla]

@Blessed81  - in short, it usually goes like this: man marries (dates) his mother. woman - her daddy. 

BUT, in my experience, we tend to get attracted to the parent that harmed us most. And that is not a figure of speech. It is the blunt truth. 

Look at the same ways you feel about mom/dad - girlfriend. You might just discover that... there's a lot of healing to be had there 

[Jackthelad]

4 hours ago, Blessed81 said:

I am near the end of this relationship with this woman who is ten years younger then me she is 24 and i am 34.  She is beautiful on the outside, i say she is a wolf in sheeps clothing.  Looks and acts so sweet but the inside is something totally different.  Let me just throw out some things ive noticed ove the past couple years.  

She takes selfies every day, when she has social media shes always posting new ones.  She literally has sent me 5 diff selfies in a day.  She is literally into herself, she looks at herself in the mirror like a man would, she touches herself like it would be a man sexually touching her.  Shes always saying things like damn my ass looks hot.  Or i am looking so good lately. 

She has told her family so much bad stuff about me and all of our fights she loves to tell people how bad i am.  She thinks my career is junk even though i am a successful entrepreneur that makes more then her whole family, just because i didnt get a degree and i dont have a 9-5.  Meanwhile she makes $10/hour and now wants to become a cop?..  She NEVER cries when she should and only cries about stupid things when she is drunk.  

She has massive daddy issues, shes a type 1 diabetic and always having health issues.  Every day her stomach is bloating way bad and shes always complaining and in a bad mood and it brings me down  when i am always trying to be positive and make people smile.  Yet she wont go to the dr and find the issue.  I know its not a good idea to have children with a diabetic yet ive stayed cause i love her so much.  Whats kept me around is the AMAZING sex, we have had so much amazing sex that ive put up with soooo much BS.  

She blames me for our failed relationship for stupid things that ive apologized for 1,000 times, yet she still rubs them in my face and every time she does something wrong she blasts my past mistakes in my face in order to justify her actions.  She literally held her dog down as they put the needle in to put him asleep and didnt shed a tear, and just watched me bawl like a baby as i put mine down and didnt shed a tear, also keep in mind i am a buff tattoed guy that you wouldnt imagine seeing cry to much.  I chalk it up to her being a vet tech and seeing dogs put down every day so its normal for her?

ive seen her texts to her friends, she says i am not going anywher with my career and she thinks she is going to meet someone in school this spring.  She always tells me things like i cant wait to meet a guy  who respects me and would never do the things youve done to me (the worst ive done to her is danced with a girl at a country concert and had no idea she seen me do this, even though we were broke up we were still fucking so she took it as i cheated on her just cause i danced with someone at a concert wtf?)  thats the thing she keeps rubbing in my face thats the worst ive done to her, even though we were technically broke up.  I really dont even think its a big deal at all.  

She is always broke and complaining about money, always talking shit on people and always has drama about work.  She doesnt think she ever does anything wrong.  She had her family do a background check on me and found a police report of a female that said my roomate raped her, after that her whole family accused me of being a rapist because there is a REPORT from my roomates ex girlfriend that said he raped her, i have never been convicted, never even heard of this until her family illegally researched my entire record.  

They thought i was a drug dealer because they were jealous that i have such nice things and they dont, i think they are just jealous that they work regular jobs for regular pay.  Anyway, she moved out after a 6 month live together, we broke up like 5 times when she lived here.  Shes now living with her brother and i keep her around for sexual fun and occational companionship.  We both know its over but we still keep hanging sometimes because we really have nothing better to do.  Shes been very shady with her phone the whole relationship, always deleting her convos with the people she talks shit on me with and ive seen it happen multiple times.  

Shes had a dude from work call her on her new phone number on a sat night asking what shes doing.  Nobody in her family or work knows we even talk, yet shes with me and my family all the time, going to funerals and all.  Everyone that knows me through her hates me and thinks i am some horrible person because she has told them all horrible things about me and made me out to look very bad. 

I have started dating a little here and there.  I really do not have any feelings for her anymore, as soon as i meet someone worthwhile i plan to fully cut things off, even right now i am about to, the sex really isnt worth all the other negative things i have to deal with.  She doesnt have any friends at all, and i have very many and have had them all for 20 years.  What is going on here guys?  Is she a narcissist? I do not know what i am dealing with, and i am trying to figure it out.  I keep kidding myself after we hang for a couple days and things are great to think we could ever have a happy and healthy relationship one day right?  I kinda know i need to move on, but someone just give it to me straight, am i a total fucking idiot for even hanging out with her at all?  Help!!  Sorry for any mis spelling i had to type this fast and my ipad is a bitch to type on.  Thanks to all that have read this.  God bless!

 

 

Dude you gotta get rid of this girl ASAP. No good can come from this. You can have amazing sex with a girl who doesn't cause you this much suffering. Forget about any rationalising, end this right now.

I dated a girl who sounds very like her two years ago; sex was amazing, everything else was horrible. She punched me in the head when she was drunk, I also treated her badly to be fair. At the time I convinced myself with so much nonsense. Your girl may have a personality disorder, I suspect the girl I was seeing suffered with a Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). It's not as rare as you might think (2% for BPD alone or something). Check it out and some ones like it. 

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/borderline-personality-disorder-symptoms/

But aside from diagnosing her like I did with my ex (which may not be accurate anyway), just stop seeing her. How likely is it that things will change, even if you are just having crazy wild sex?  My suspicion is that you are still emotionally invested in this girl, and you will suffer because of this. I know, it's bloody easy for me to sit here and say all this to you. But I know it's the right advice.

My new girlfriend is better looking, amazingly kind, fun, passionate, and we have even wilder, better, deeper sex than I ever did with my ex. It's on another level. But I couldn't be told that at the time and I suffered immeasurably for it.

PM me if you want to talk more about this. I'm not being forceful or anything, I just know there's a better way.

[xXxXx]

Dude, i can relate, the crazy ones are the worst

I had a similar experience, we dated for two years, a manipulative piece of shit i can assure you, i kept her around for the same reason as you - amazing sex, but if you are honest with yourself it doesn't pay off. Your mind is running in circles because you try to convince yourself the sex is worth it. The problem is, when the sex is mindblowing you often start to project something onto the girl which is simply not there, it is just you being semi-controlled by your hormones and on the otherside your conscious mind telling you that this is fucked up -> loss of integrity.

I freed myself from this fucking vampire and i started to breathe again, not dealing with such shit anymore, life is too short dude.

 

[Blessed81]

Hell yes that is exactly what i feel like.  I feel like there is an anchor hooked to my feet and i need to cut that shit off.  It is kinda funny cause after each sex sesh my whole attitude changes, like damnit now i have to hang out.  My appetite for relations with her has went downhill lately so its really helping me with the move on process.  I feel like there is always drama on the horizon, and just seems like this is hopeless at this point.  

I know its selfish but i am so use to my ex's moving on so fast and leaving me in the dust alone, they all get prego and married right after me.  Maybe that's why i am dragging this out is so i can try and find someone to love (i know this isn't the right way to do this whole thing) when i really just need to learn how to be alone and be happy with myself first.  I am clearly a mind fuck, but i really appreciate you guys/gals input.  Damn, i cannot wait to have a happy and healthy relationship one fine day.  Sometimes i think maybe these short, emotional relationships are something i like?  Perhaps i get bored after the honeymoon stage and start seeing my way out of things. 

[DanoDMano]

@Blessed81  My opinion to you is this. First off your already quite aware that your relationship with this girl / child is destructive towards your growth and wellbeing. You don't need any advice on what needs to be done with this situation. With all the baggage you've created over the relationship there is no way things can be reversed at this point. So why continue adding to it? Stop hanging on to what is already gone, it will only hinder your next relationship.

Second, you say your 34, so this ones easy as well. Stop getting younger women into your bed. Start looking for women your own age or older. If your looking for something meaningful you'll want a woman that has more experience, intellect and maturity in their life. What you've described from this relationship doesn't happen as often to couples once they've entered their 30's and 40's. It's still around, but at least your odds will be better, and this is true for both sexes.        

Edited February 18, 2016 by DanoDMano