Can't Let Go

[beatlemantis]

As a child, I was incredibly sensitive and empathetic. Through my older years I underwent intense, impassioned emotional surges and was swayed by art, people, and my surroundings. But in these past few months (I'm only 18), I've felt disconnected from that. 

I feel I've underwent some subconscious numbing to this as a way to cope with my new environment. After 12 hours working as a camp counselor, I'm left with a solid 2-3 hours at home to revamp and rest. However, I'm also bunking with my little sister for two more months until I head off to college. True solitude - the type I used to experience in excess - seems to completely evade me now. 

I suspect this has made me short - short with my self-development and actualization, my conversations, interests... but what's bothering most of all is the fact that I don't seem tapped into that same sensational cesspool of emotions now. I try to "let go", as I've been building up stress and frustrations these past few months, but I can't feel much release. I haven't truly cried in months, which is worrying for me. 

I feel blocked up, resurfaced, and yet, unfinished. I would love any input on this as an experience, and maybe some advice on how to adapt to this new lifestyle on my actualization journey. I appreciate all your time, thank you. 

[Prabhaker]

On 6/29/2017 at 9:03 AM, beatlemantis said:

I try to "let go", as I've been building up stress and frustrations these past few months, but I can't feel much release.

Three-Step Let Go

Step 1: Relaxing the body

Sitting or lying down in a comfortable position, when you are ready you can allow your eyes to close now. Consciously letting your body relax. Feeling all the energy of the body moving inwards…moving inside the body…moving from the periphery and moving inwards now. Watching from inside as the body relaxes more and more…just as if it is someone else’s body relaxing…. The body becoming softer and softer…every part of the body so relaxed…. A letting go of any tension…. A letting go that one can simply allow to happen…. And as you relax even deeper, aware and present, perhaps you can see the body is left behind like a shell, an empty shell.

Step 2: Breathing

Relaxed and awake, with the next out-breath you can allow your breathing to relax in your own time now. With each out-breath, the feeling of relaxing happening easily and naturally. With each out-breath the sense of letting go a little deeper…. Noticing how the breathing becomes shallow…and still more shallow…so shallow it seems to stop…. And it can stop, for moments at a time, and you feel even more at peace, even more relaxed, and aware.

Step 3: Thoughts

Relaxed and aware, in just the same way perhaps you can notice how the thoughts are becoming silent…. Slowing down and becoming even more silent now…. Just as if a river is flowing by and you are sitting on the bank, you can watch thoughts drift by…. You can notice that there is a distance, a space, a place, between you and the river, between you and any remaining thoughts.

Step 4: Coming Back

And slowly coming back now…. Coming back to this moment, to this body here and now….

Let-go and Witnessing – Osho

Let-go is the atmosphere in which witnessing flowers. They are almost two sides of the same experience — they are not different. One cannot allow let-go without witnessing, neither can one be a witness without being in a let-go.

Let-go simply means total relaxation: no tension, no thought, no desire — mind not moving, not going anywhere, just not functioning. Mind in silence allows the greatest experience of life, the arising of a new phenomenon — witnessing.

We are all living and we are all a little bit conscious too; otherwise life would be impossible. But our consciousness is very superficial, just skin-deep — or perhaps not even that deep.

Witnessing is as deep as you are, as existence is. It is the deepest point of life in existence where one simply watches what remains to watch: a tremendous silence, a great joy, a beautiful existence surrounding you, and a deep ecstasy — a song without words and a dance without movement. Witnessing is the ultimate experience of religion. Only those who arrive at it have really lived; others have been only vegetating.

-Osho

From Golden Future, Chapter 18  

[Visitor]

Instead of trying to let go, first find out what you are hanging onto. Then let THAT go.

Another more meaningful word for letting go is acceptance.

Perhaps the serenity prayer will help. It sure helped me, once I learnt what it means. That is, the only thing I can change is me.