My Friend (and Business Partner) Is A Loser

[ryancantfly]

Hi all,

Firstly, excuse the blunt thread subject, I felt it best in order to grab some attention . I run an events business in the UK, hosting club events around the country, with aspirations of expanding to more and more locations, with more club brands, and also branching out into other sectors using the power of the brand we have behind us.

Our company has three directors, myself and two of my longest and best friends, I've known them both for 12-15 years (I'm 30). One of these friends, is very similar to myself, he's driven, ambitious and has 'street smart' intelligence. My other friend comes from a background of working as a general sales person in shops, as someone who's just been part of a team up until now, and things just aren't matching up (as you may expect).

Friend / director #2 is someone who has invested a lot of time and some money into the business, which we all have done over the last 3 years since establishing it, but instead of the top level strategic work that myself and the first friend have put in, it's all very much 'worker' tasks. He's driven a lot of people around, made sure specific events are running OK, sat doing lighting when necessary, all very much tasks that could be allocated to any other person.

By talking to him about what we'd love to see from him, and giving him a directorship when we became a registered company, we hoped we could spur him on to buck up his ideas and strive to be more than he has been, to look at the bigger picture and become invaluable to the business, but nothing has worked. Naturally, when askng him if he actually feels like he wants to be a director and a top part of the business, his answer is a firm yes, and there's some expectation there from his side that he deserves to be so, after the work he's put in so far.

This friend is also a bit of a loser (hence the subject) in life, he doesn't put effort into his appearance unless told he has to, he is lazy with women and any new relationships other than his existing close friends and his family, he worked for the same boring retail company for 10 years and only left it because we kept spurring him on, he doesn't even wash his car unless we moan at him for how dirty it is, you probably get the picture.

Our situation therefore stands, that we've reached a point where we're fed up with his work ethic (as a director), but we would prefer to find a way to inspire him to be the person he claims he wants to be, instead of cutting him out. There's also then the issue of friendship, I've known this guy for 15 years or so, I went to university with him, I share an apartment with him. If we were to cut him out, that friendship would surely end up damaged, with bitterness when he feels left out from something he's invested previous time into.

So where do we go? For the sake of success, is it best to cut the tie and move forward and just hope that a friendship can remain, or is there a strategy we should try before that? Myself and friend #1 have been ruthless in the past, we're not afraid to do it if that's the only real option, but this time, I want to find out if there is an option two first.

Thanks to anyone who offers any help.

Ryan

Edited June 26, 2017 by ryancantfly
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[eskwire]

@ryancantfly End the friendship so he can find better friends. You know, ones who don't talk about firing him behind his back and publicly declare him a loser. Just a thought.

[Michael569]

Perception is the key here.  First  to understand why he is the way he is. What makes him dress the way he does? What makes him neglect the car? What about relationships, maybe there is something in his past, a fierce rejection or a divorce that is damaging all his efforts. Before you criticise this guy and label him as "weird" or "bad" further because he does not match your perception of ideal companion and director, open yourself and give him love and understanding instead of judgement. That only hurts you back. 

At the same time, if his negligence is a jeopardy to the business that you love and that makes you happy, consider follow up actions. Definitely talk to him. All 3 of you sit in a quiet room without distractions and talk it through. Chances are he doesn't realise that this is making you mad. Let him explain himself and than you tell him what is it that upsets you. Try to understand his point of view. Not just on a surface but really deeply feel for this guy. Maybe he doesn't know how to act like you guys do in the business since he never owned his business and he is shy to admit or afraid. Maybe he doesn't even want to be a director but now that he agreed, he does it for the purpose of not disappointing you. 

That being said. If he is just being a lazy and is picking the fruits of your and the other guy's work, cut him off. If he is being negative and toxic, cut him off. 

 

Just make sure you consider all alternatives before doing anything you might regret later. Some relationships are best cur off forever but sometimes a change of perspective is  a solution in itself. Scheming and manipulating is not the way he deserves to be treated. Be transparent whatever your decision even if it is painful. 

 

 

 

Edited June 26, 2017 by Michael569
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