My Friend Is Bothering My Brain

[d0ornokey]

I have this friend that is hyper-competitive. I am starting up a company and when he heard that I was doing this, he is now trying to squeeze as much information out of me as possible so he can beat me in terms of income. 

I fear he will beat me and my ego will take a blow. Since one of his main drivers is beating me in terms of income I want to withhold knowledge and not help him. I understand that it is my own problem that I even care about being beat in the first place. 

Should I not help him out? Should I tell him that I don't want to help him if he behaves like that? 

I also want to make sure that my income is way higher than him because I want to shit on his income level because of how much he tried to hold me back and made fun of me when I first started my company.  

This is bothering me a lot and I don't even like him and he's thoroughly not aligned with my goals. However, he's tight-knit in my group of friends so I have to see him a lot. What do I do?

Edited June 25, 2017 by d0ornokey

[Emerald]

10 minutes ago, d0ornokey said:

I have this friend that is hyper-competitive. I am starting up a company and when he heard that I was doing this, he is now trying to squeeze as much information out of me as possible so he can beat me in terms of income. 

I fear he will beat me and my ego will take a blow. Since one of his main drivers is beating me in terms of income I want to withhold knowledge and not help him. I understand that it is my own problem that I even care about being beat in the first place. 

Should I not help him out? Should I tell him that I don't want to help him if he behaves like that? 

I also want to make sure that my income is way higher than him because I want to shit on his income level because of how much he tried to hold me back and made fun of me when I first started my company.  

This is bothering me a lot and I don't even like him and he's thoroughly not aligned with my goals. However, he's tight-knit in my group of friends so I have to see him a lot. What do I do?

It sounds like your friend might have issues with self-love. It's likely that he feels like he needs to be #1 to be worthy of love. So, his competitive nature comes from the fact that every time he sees an opportunity fro competition, he takes it. Because only then, can he get his self-esteem fix. I'm a very competitive person, so I know the cycle firsthand. It's like chasing a carrot on a stick and ever so occasionally someone throws me a bit of Parsnips to appease me. But I never get the carrot... just the imitation. 

It sounds like you have a similar but less intense version of what your friend has that gets triggered only when he gets competitive with you. My advice is to work hard at doing what you're doing. Share with him whichever advice you feel comfortable with sharing with him. Don't feel compelled to tell him everything, but still give him a few pointers here and there. Be happy with your successes. And try to be happy for his successes or at least to accept them, even if he becomes more successful than you.

And be aware of your emotions and what you're really after with regard to your business goals. Truly, all rivers lead to the same source. In any endeavor that anyone ever undertakes, they are seeking to feel positive emotions. So, if you're happy, then there's no competition that needs to be won. And we all realize that a happiness competition sounds silly. So, you should understand that your friend's success can't detract from your happiness unless you let it. 

[d0ornokey]

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

It sounds like your friend might have issues with self-love. It's likely that he feels like he needs to be #1 to be worthy of love. So, his competitive nature comes from the fact that every time he sees an opportunity fro competition, he takes it. Because only then, can he get his self-esteem fix. I'm a very competitive person, so I know the cycle firsthand. It's like chasing a carrot on a stick and ever so occasionally someone throws me a bit of Parsnips to appease me. But I never get the carrot... just the imitation. 

It sounds like you have a similar but less intense version of what your friend has that gets triggered only when he gets competitive with you. My advice is to work hard at doing what you're doing. Share with him whichever advice you feel comfortable with sharing with him. Don't feel compelled to tell him everything, but still give him a few pointers here and there. Be happy with your successes. And try to be happy for his successes or at least to accept them, even if he becomes more successful than you.

And be aware of your emotions and what you're really after with regard to your business goals. Truly, all rivers lead to the same source. In any endeavor that anyone ever undertakes, they are seeking to feel positive emotions. So, if you're happy, then there's no competition that needs to be won. And we all realize that a happiness competition sounds silly. So, you should understand that your friend's success can't detract from your happiness unless you let it. 

that was very helpful. thank you

[d0ornokey]

you were also spot on with the inclination about me. I am not competitive unless someone gets competitive with me first 

Edited June 25, 2017 by d0ornokey

[Loreena]

Leave him. 

[Consept]

My little brother is a bit like this as well so i know it can be tricky. I think its very important to realise that you are on your own path and you will have your own ups and downs that will be different to your friends and happen at different times. In terms of talking to him in an effort to change him, it rarely works unless the person want to change themselves and sees a problem in their actions. 

I think the main thing is not to take it personally, he obviously has some issues around not being good enough,which is why he wants to compete with you, you may have these issues to a lesser extent which is why you also feel the need to compete, but you could see it as a positive that hes brought out this in you and it gives you a chance to work through it. A lot of people can add value in your life by bringing out underlying issues and forcing you to face them and you should take advantage. Try and just be present when interacting with him and dont react to the triggers just watch them

[Natasha]

@d0ornokey Work on your personal boundaries and discernment... meaning, you either tell him to back off and let you be, or to go bye-bye. It's not friendship when two peope try to one-up each other, it's rivalry.

Edited July 7, 2017 by Natasha

[Toby]

Might be a classic projection. So in addition to what's already been said, I would investigate my own mindset of "beating someone income wise" and see what of the problem with your friend remains.

[S33K3R]

People like this I keep at a distance, this personality type is why I don't interact with much of my family. Especially when you are on a spiritual path it is good to avoid any ego triggers as these kind of people enjoy the battle and may never stop that kind of behavior. Remember Siddhartha left his family behind because he knew it would be difficult to attain with the distraction.

How I react to these people is I ask a lot of questions. Police do this too. To keep someone submissive ask questions. If he asks "how much are you making" ask him "how much do you think I am making", or "how much are you making", or a statement "I consider income to be a private matter" which it is. Mix in a little humor making fun of his need to obsess with you and he will back off. Respect is something you command, its not just given in most cases. 

[Jordan wang]

don't restrict yourself bro.

If your close group of friends is hanging out with someone like that. it says something about your close group of friends.

maybe this groups of friends is not worth hanging out with at all.

maybe you can spend time by yourself for a while, or just try to change social group. (don't make it too obvious)

or you can just stop hanging out with him and treat other people in your group the same and see what happens.

experiment.

[Arkandeus]

Quote

I fear he will beat me and my ego will take a blow. Since one of his main drivers is beating me in terms of income I want to withhold knowledge and not help him. I understand that it is my own problem that I even care about being beat in the first place. 

in order to be a to be at peace you have to let him beat you. 
he already beat you because you are worried about him winning, you are in fear of your life because of him, admit defeat, surrender and accept. 
you will learn so much and you will feel much better. 

now perhaps you will still end up making more money then him.

what happens physically is not be confused with what happens psychically.
realize that you are already beaten psychically, you are worrying about him, you fear like your life will be lacking just by thinking about him getting past you. 
Let your ego realize that it has already lost. 
you're already in a damaged state of being. 

 

 

 

Edited July 11, 2017 by Arkandeus