Deeper = More Suffering?

[John]

It seems as though the deeper the insights I get on this path, the more I suffer.

Little, neurotic fears absolutely cripple me. They almost annihilate me. Small things in my mind, parts of my ego that still aren't fully esteemed or actualised cause torrential amounts of suffering.

I set a goal for myself of reaching Access Concentration. This is recommended by Daniel Ingram in his books, Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha.

And I achieved that goal a few nights ago. It was amazing. A smile just flowered across my face as I rested in it.

Is this normal to fluctuate so wildly? Do these things just need to be purged?

[Natasha]

@John I hope this will help put things in perspective

 

[John]

@Natasha Thank you!

[egoeimai]

Deeper= more freedom

[Spiral]

To grow, you must first suffer.

[cetus]

14 hours ago, John said:

Is this normal to fluctuate so wildly? Do these things just need to be purged?

@John Everybody is different but yes, this may very well be part of your personal purging process.

As far as going deeper, I find that there is more awareness of suffering. Maybe because one becomes more open and in tune with everything. But there is no personal attachment to the suffering, It's just seeing the suffering as it flows through you like a chilly breeze that comes in one window and out the other again.

15 hours ago, John said:

Little, neurotic fears absolutely cripple me. They almost annihilate me. Small things in my mind, parts of my ego that still aren't fully esteemed or actualised cause torrential amounts of suffering.

Fear in itself has no power other than the power you give it. If you don't feed it, it will starve quickly and fall away.

Just as a suggestion, you could make fear part of your practice by facing the fear fully as it arises head on. Doing so renders it as the harmless illusion it truly is. Like the magic trick where the magician saws someone in half. It's the mind that creates the illusion of the saw cutting through flesh and bone. In truth the saw is cutting harmlessly through empty space.

[Setty]

Maybe you should put down spiritual pursuit for a little bit. Spirituality often creates a lot of suffering because people take it too seriously and make it success oriented. They experience these amazing states not realizing that every hill has its valley. The higher you go the lower you fall. 

Just try to enjoy an ordinary state of consciousness for a few weeks without any spiritual goals in mind. It is not a race and you don't need to rush anything. If spiritual practices create suffering that they are supposed to relieve you from then what's the point really?

[AlwaysBeNice]

20 minutes ago, Setty said:

Maybe you should put down spiritual pursuit for a little bit. Spirituality often creates a lot of suffering because people take it too seriously and make it success oriented. They experience these amazing states not realizing that every hill has its valley. The higher you go the lower you fall. 

Just try to enjoy an ordinary state of consciousness for a few weeks without any spiritual goals in mind. It is not a race and you don't need to rush anything. If spiritual practices create suffering that they are supposed to relieve you from then what's the point really?

Not every coming down has to be suffering.

OP, understand this:

"As a child you probably remember having been open emotionally, happy and free to be yourself to a high degree, this was because you were closer to the natural state which is peace/joy.

You were hurt by brute people and were repeatedly taught not to express (some of) your emotions (anger, fear, sadness and passion or love).

To hide these emotions from others and yourself you created masks (to appear tougher, smaller or a mixture of the two).

You also created distracting (thinking) habits keep the emotions from surfacing.

Your natural self had to be censored and pushed down, this created the suffering you now experience (i.e. depression, anxiety, frustration, confusion).

The emotions are still trapped in the body/mind and can all be found starting at different points along the spine in chronically tight muscles that hurt when pressed upon (example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uyvhPpk04s)

You can heal yourself by simply being willing to be emotional again and you can specifically go into stillness, stopping the avoidance patterns and let the emotions come up naturally faster (meditation), cultivate awareness of your self through being mindful and use tools mindfully to get deeper into your body/life, like: ((de-armoring) massage, eye gazing, being with a master, talking honestly, exercise, love etc.).

Eventually you open up to life/yourself completely, you let go into stillness completely and you learn to embody your true nature of pure unconditional love and then you live as a liberated authentic being."