Fucking Envy And Sick Of Self-help

[Afonso]

I've been suppressing my problems with jealousy and frustration with Self-Help. This is a brutal honest report of how I feel. I need some help.

I'm sick of my jealousy. Everywhere I look, to everyone I see, I get jealous. I get pain and it fucking hurts. I envy others good looks. I envy guys being amazing  with women. I envy my friends kissing girls at parties. I envy the self-assertiveness of others. I envy the material possessions of others. I envy the social circles of others. I envy people's amazing friendships. I envy guys' amazing girlfriends. I envy people being excited with life and being so at ease and not having to care with any of this Self-Help bullshit.

I get envy and I get hurt. I get stabbed in the abdomen and it's so painful.

I'm sick of working tons of Self-Help and not being so at ease with life as other people I see. I'm sick of spending days and days just being conscious of my buried emotions and dissolving them, AND then seeing other people being at ease in life.

I'm sick of always being so analytical and manipulative and always thinking and thinking. I'm sick of not being super excited about life. I'm sick of other pretty people having exciting lives and doing cool shit and then being envy of them.

Why the fuck can't I just be happy like other people I see? Why, since I can remember, do I have to be constantly judging and labeling and analysing everything. Why can't I just live life?

I'm apathetic, frustrated, hurt, unmotivated and having thoughts of shooting myself in the head to end this misery.

Deep down, I know Self-Actualizing is the most valuable stuff I could be doing but I still get sad with my life situation sometimes. It's not that I'm depressed.

What can I do to just stop this negative emotional/thinking rollercoaster?

Edited June 24, 2017 by Afonso

[Max_V]

Well, in my experience, the only thing you can do with those thoughts is not react, fight or attach yourself to them.

"With your mind, all the three pedals are throttles; there are no brakes and no clutch. Have you noticed this? Whatever pedal you hit, the mind only accelerates its speed. But if you don’t pay any attention to it, thoughts will slowly subside, leaving you in a rich and vibrant silence"  - Sadhguru

You can't control your thoughts, that will only make it worse. If you simply accept your thoughts and create space between thoughts and 'the one that is aware of the thoughts' you will be free. Ask yourself this when your thoughts go absolutely crazy: "Who or what is aware of these thoughts?" This will make you do a 180 and focus on the awareness rather than the object. 

I hope I helped you with this a little, I'm still learning trying to improve myself on this topic too, it's a hard road

Best of luck to you m8

[Truth]

Its a very good step to start getting that bullshit out of your mind. If you had what they had you'd be Happy. If you dont have what they have you can't be happy. Notice the interpretation going on there. This is turning you into the victim of your external circumstances. You're not taking full resposibility and letting others dictate your happiness and with that they've actually got you by the balls, check Leos video on victim mentality for more insights and understanding to start slowly weeding out this issue.

Edited June 24, 2017 by Truth

[S33K3R]

My friend this sucks you're battling your ego vs ego. You must step aside and watch the ego, not be the ego fighting the self. You believe you are your thoughts. This is why you are frustrated with yourself. Watch the thoughts write them down over time you will see the struggle is not the battle of the mind. The struggle is being consistent with the techniques  needed to understand who the self is. Ego or observer? Write you've thoughts down you are overloaded, this will give you space to realize. 

[Wyatt]

If you're really that jealous of what you PERCEIVE other people have, pursue those things. If others happiness and well-being brings you suffering, pursue what they have. One option is letting go of self-actualizing for a little while and start to practice talking and hanging out with girls. Make a lot of money and buy material stuff. Be open with others and make yourself a social circle. See how you feel after you've accumulated all of the things you're jealous of others for having. Maybe it'll be the best decision you ever made! Maybe you'll get bored with what you gain and are still searching for the next material object. Maybe you'll realize it was a huge waste of time. Never know till you try

[TJ Reeves]

12 hours ago, Afonso said:

I've been suppressing my problems with jealousy and frustration with Self-Help. This is a brutal honest report of how I feel. I need some help.

Stop suppressing so much. Change the flow of the energy instead of suppressing it. This post is at least a start. But also consider going to your friends and complaining a little. That is, talk to physical people out in meat-space about the struggles you go through. Get them to help you on your journey.

12 hours ago, Afonso said:

I'm sick of my jealousy. Everywhere I look, to everyone I see, I get jealous. I get pain and it fucking hurts. I envy others good looks. I envy guys being amazing  with women. I envy my friends kissing girls at parties. I envy the self-assertiveness of others. I envy the material possessions of others. I envy the social circles of others. I envy people's amazing friendships. I envy guys' amazing girlfriends. I envy people being excited with life and being so at ease and not having to care with any of this Self-Help bullshit.

Perhaps instead of automatically labeling the feeling as "jealousy" and getting mad at yourself, try using it as a signal for what you possibly would like out of your life. For example, if you see that a certain guy is amazing around women, then maybe that's a signal that you want to focus a little more on your personal relationships. Then, go up to him and ask what he did.

That same feeling of jealousy can actually turn around into a form of pure positivity and joy for the success of others as well as motivation for yourself if you examine it properly. 

12 hours ago, Afonso said:

I get envy and I get hurt. I get stabbed in the abdomen and it's so painful.

You stab yourself with your assumptions. No one else stabs you.

Moreover, you don't even stab your true self, for the true self is untouchable.

What you stab and what does the stabbing is your ego/limited perspective/pain-body that clings to suffering as a way of life. Examine how much pain the ego throws at you. Observe how much the ego bleeds when it cuts itself. Ask yourself if you truly wish to suffer the way you do. 

Make your ego as aware of its faulty practices as possible. 

12 hours ago, Afonso said:

I'm sick of always being so analytical and manipulative and always thinking and thinking.

Allow for the thinking to pass. Stop identifying with it. You perceive the thoughts, but you are not the thoughts.

Meditate and pay more attention to what's going on. You do not know that it is you doing the analyzing.

Perhaps, thinking is the universe attempting to analyze itself in a way that you can't actually stop.

Perhaps, you are solely a witness to the process of trying to understand the world. 

Perhaps, the thinking is the universe attempting to use the wrong tool to solve the problem.

Perhaps all you have to do is recognize that no amount of thinking or doing will solve the problem, for thinking and doing are limited to experiential mindspace, when indeed the answer lies in non-experiential witnessing.

Perhaps, your job is to be the answer by simply existing. 

12 hours ago, Afonso said:

I'm sick of not being super excited about life.

Notice that the lack of excitement comes from a lack of perspective. There are a ton of potentially exciting things in life. In fact, nothing in life is not exciting.

Your ego places a judgement on what's exciting or not exciting and then your ego takes this judgment as fact, when it is indeed the exact opposite of fact: total make believe. 

12 hours ago, Afonso said:

I'm sick of other pretty people having exciting lives and doing cool shit and then being envy of them.

Stop assuming everyone else that is "prettier" or "doing cool shit" is overall suffering less.  That's just a projection on your part. Even supermodels suffer and they get to look pretty and do cool shit all the time.

12 hours ago, Afonso said:

Why the fuck can't I just be happy like other people I see?

You're not a special fucking snowflake. You don't have it worse than anyone else. People aren't necessarily as "happy" as you think. 

The big reason you feel this envious upset is because you have yet to take your head out of your ass and become more empathic and pay more attention to other's lives. If you actually paid attention, you'd realize that 99.9% of those people you're so jealous of are suffering just like you. 

But perhaps the main question is why can't you just be happy, regardless of other's?

The main reason is that you place conditions upon your happiness. You secretly like being unhappy. 

Yes I said it: You like being unhappy.

You think that by forcing yourself to be unhappy, you will motivate yourself to reach the conditions of your choosing for your own survival. 

See to be truly unconditionally happy means that you are okay with absolutely anything and everything that happens to you. That means being happy with your mother getting raped and killed in front of you. That means being happy with getting rejected by women and jobs. That means being happy with getting tortured and killed by the exact same people you're trying to help.

But noooooo that's taking things to far! You think you wouldn't accomplish anything, let alone survive, if you actually functioned that way! That reaction - that inability to be unconditionally happy out of fear that it will lead to your death - that is the fucking reason you are not happy all the time. 

12 hours ago, Afonso said:

Why, since I can remember, do I have to be constantly judging and labeling and analysing everything. Why can't I just live life?

The moment you started creating a story for you to remember is the moment you started forming an ego. And as soon as you formed your ego, you stopped being able to just live life. 

Before that, you were a nonjudgmental witness of pure experience who did not attempt to form a story. You still are the nonjudgmental, non-existence witness, but you've identified with a make-believe story. 

12 hours ago, Afonso said:

I'm apathetic, frustrated, hurt, unmotivated and having thoughts of shooting myself in the head to end this misery.

Don't kill your current body just yet. 

1 - I know this sound's weird, but you can't actually die. It's only from an egoic perspective that death is a solution, for only the egoic perspective sees death as death. The ego dies, not You. 

In other words, you won't simply become "free of problems" if you kill yourself physically.

If anything, you create more suffering for your true self because you are the identical to everyone around you who loves you. This is nuanced, so reread what I am saying and think about it. 

2 - look into this apathy, frustrating, hurt, and lack of motivation. If you take the right steps, this will be a launching point in your life. 

12 hours ago, Afonso said:

What can I do to just stop this negative emotional/thinking rollercoaster?

The world stinks because you're head is stuck far up your own ass and you keep taking whiffs of your own shit. The world will stop stinking when you get your head out of your ass and begin to smell the flowers all around you. 

Ego = limited perspective - a part of The Universe/Buddha Mind/The one fabric of consciousness that thinks it is separate from the rest of The Universe/Buddha Mind/The one fabric of consciousness.

Increase the breadth and depth of your perspective to include new wisdom and other's perspectives as much as possible.

The more breadth and depth of your perspective, the better off you will be.

Don't fake this. Actually look into what it is that you're missing in your understanding of the Truth every fucking moment of the day. 

For now, use as a mantra that "you don't know." 

So next time you feel jealous about others looks/dating/coolness/ease say "I don't actually know what its like to be them. I also don't know if I actually want that stuff. Perhaps I should look into it." 

and next time you want to kill yourself say "I don't know that killing myself is actually a good idea. Perhaps I should look into whether people who commit suicide regret their decision (PROTIP: they instantly regret it.)

and next time you think that the pain you feel is 'bad' say "I don't know that this pain and lack of motivation is bad. Perhaps there's more to the story."

Basically everything you think you know is an example of yet another thing you don't know.

If you embody this principle, you will find the "rollercoaster" effect go away while also becoming more exciting with greater twists and turns.

Here the roller coaster analogy seemingly breaks down because you may assume that the roller coaster's problem is the ups and downs when instead you want more ups and downs but you need to change your interpretation of the ups and downs. This is very counterintuitive for the ego. 

But don't take my word for it -- perhaps I do not know anything -- so investigate all of what I have said thoroughly by seeking direct insight on your own. 

Edited June 25, 2017 by TJ Reeves

[Key Elements]

Ok...do something simple. Like, for example, pick up a pen. Look at the pen for what it is - a pen. Let the other thoughts in your mind pass, as if you are looking at a train passing by. If you write something down in a notebook, continue to let those negative thoughts pass by like a train. Don't catch hold of them. They are only imaginary phenomena that we create. If you don't like writing, try drawing. If you don't like picking up a pen, try a paintbrush. You choose whatever tool you like. This exercise has helped me write a book, build a website, and do canvas paintings for a school. But, do not think of the goal. Do it cause you love it.

[Visitor]

Sounds like you desperately want to be anybody else but yourself. But you know you are not anybody else but yourself.

So learn how to accept yourself, warts and all. When you do, you won't want to be anybody else but yourself.

[MattP]

Why are you so jealous of what other people are doing? 

And why can't you do the same thing as the people you envy?

What is holding you back?

Do you have a fear of rejection?

I think the reason you are having this problem has a lot to do with how you were programmed as a child. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the people you judge, and envy are doing things you wish you could do. But you subconsciencly can't, because your brain was programmed to accept these things as evil, or unnacceptable. Therefore, you are stuck in a rut, and can never enjoy the pleasures of life because of the values embedded in you from an early age.

To break free of this, you need to start celebrating for your friends when they are kissing hot girls, being the life of the party, and overall, being happy. Some are just being themselves, others have the ability to adapt and adjust. Become one of them. You are capable of doing that.

Like you, I am a very analytical and judgemental person. Some has to do with my upbringing, some is a result of my personality type.

 Some people are naturally outgoing, others are not. You are most likely a very creative person, because you are always thinking. This is great! And I'm sure you can create wonderful things.

Now, harness the power of your mind. Put it to good use. Do something good for the world. Help other people.

But, shut your mind off once in a while and just live a little. Have fun! Nothing else. Celebrate, accept, and love the accoplishments of others; soon, those accomplishments will be your own.

Have a good night.

[Leo Gura]

The key is to realize that "other people are so happy" is an optical illusion. They aren't happy at all. They just seem that way on the surface. Even if they have Brad Pitt's good looks, 5 hot girlfriends, and 5 Ferrari's parked in their mansion's 5-car garage. It's all surface. Look beneath the surface and such people are in really bad shape.

If you're gonna envy someone, at least make sure they've got the thing you think they got. Try envying a masterful yogi -- he's got everything you ever wanted.

P.S. It also sounds like you're equating self-help with lots of thinking and analyzing. This can be a big trap. You need to be more active in how you do it. Try doing a more physical form of self-help like yoga, breathing techniques, massage, Tai Chi,  etc, so you get out of your head. The deepest growth happens when you're out of your head and NOT analyzing.

[Guest Annetta]

But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
'cause nothing I have is truly mine

We're all suffering to some degree.  Don't give up, friend.  <3 <3 <3

[Seeker_of_truth]

@Afonso I can very much relate to you dude. I'm also the analytical type of guy, always in head, no social life and I also go through this envy thing often. I'm doing my best to reduce the regrets in my life and here is some things that you can try doing.

Try taking an MBTI test and find what's your type. If you are one of those rare personality types you can discover that you are not weird. If you think you are weird you can accept the fact that your brain is wired to be so. Some types find it hard to do things other types do easily without effort. If that's the case you may start envying them. What I think you gotta do is know your weakness and gradually work on it. But you also have your strengths which those people envy of you. Also your ego is the cause for your envy. I found that as I kept working on it breaking the boundaries that the ego set, I have less regrets.

Sometimes when these negative emotions like jealousy and envy hit me hard, I open a text document and start typing whatever I feel like. Just yesterday I was hit by them and I started typing and soon it turned into an inquiry. I was wondering why am I feeling uncomfortable at times living the lifestyle that I live. This made me get into thinking mode (my default mode) and after I got some answers and checked if I still had those emotions, they were not.

Sometimes just a good night sleep can make me forget all those shit and get going happily with my life. 

Also there is this meditation that I currently do called Isha Kriya (http://www.ishafoundation.org/Ishakriya). I thought this was a normal meditation but this is a lot more different that a normal meditation. I've been doing it for 2 months and this is what I've found about this meditation. I may be wrong given that its just 2 months but these are the benefits that I can notice right now. The first is that I don't think this meditation is for enlightenment experiences or to reduce your ego, etc. I think this is a meditation to make you feel happy and reset your energies. If you think you need some peace of mind then give this a try. Its a very simple meditation and doesn't require a lot of effort to do. The only effort is to set the habit of doing it 2x every day. Also you don't get the benefits immediately. You need to wait for at least a month.

If you are planning to do the isha kriya then I also recommend you do a pranayama called nadi shuddi(http://isha.sadhguru.org/blog/video/yoga-for-peace-nadi-shuddhi/) if you have the time. It just takes 4 minutes.

Edited June 29, 2017 by Seeker_of_truth

[TeamBills]

On 24/06/2017 at 2:07 PM, Afonso said:

I've been suppressing my problems with jealousy and frustration with Self-Help. This is a brutal honest report of how I feel. I need some help.

I'm sick of my jealousy. Everywhere I look, to everyone I see, I get jealous. I get pain and it fucking hurts. I envy others good looks. I envy guys being amazing  with women. I envy my friends kissing girls at parties. I envy the self-assertiveness of others. I envy the material possessions of others. I envy the social circles of others. I envy people's amazing friendships. I envy guys' amazing girlfriends. I envy people being excited with life and being so at ease and not having to care with any of this Self-Help bullshit.

I get envy and I get hurt. I get stabbed in the abdomen and it's so painful.

I'm sick of working tons of Self-Help and not being so at ease with life as other people I see. I'm sick of spending days and days just being conscious of my buried emotions and dissolving them, AND then seeing other people being at ease in life.

I'm sick of always being so analytical and manipulative and always thinking and thinking. I'm sick of not being super excited about life. I'm sick of other pretty people having exciting lives and doing cool shit and then being envy of them.

Why the fuck can't I just be happy like other people I see? Why, since I can remember, do I have to be constantly judging and labeling and analysing everything. Why can't I just live life?

I'm apathetic, frustrated, hurt, unmotivated and having thoughts of shooting myself in the head to end this misery.

Deep down, I know Self-Actualizing is the most valuable stuff I could be doing but I still get sad with my life situation sometimes. It's not that I'm depressed.

What can I do to just stop this negative emotional/thinking rollercoaster?

@Afonso

Wow this is so much like me. I don't care about the woman or looks or whatever, but wow I can't believe how close your post is to my feelings. Being neurotic causes so much of this pain yet it is so hard to quit! I get jealous over seeing people who don't have all this crap that I have to deal with. It's not fair! If it makes you feel better I'm in the same boat as you. Are you working hard towards improving your situation? At the end of the day you are responsible for your own happiness. J know it is difficult, but try your best.

Edited July 1, 2017 by TeamBills

[Richard Alpert]

On ‎29‎.‎6‎.‎2017 at 9:01 AM, Leo Gura said:

The key is to realize that "other people are so happy" is an optical illusion. They aren't happy at all. They just seem that way on the surface. Even if they have Brad Pitt's good looks, 5 hot girlfriends, and 5 Ferrari's parked in their mansion's 5-car garage. It's all surface. Look beneath the surface and such people are in really bad shape.

If you're gonna envy someone, at least make sure they've got the thing you think they got. Try envying a masterful yogi -- he's got everything you ever wanted.

P.S. It also sounds like you're equating self-help with lots of thinking and analyzing. This can be a big trap. You need to be more active in how you do it. Try doing a more physical form of self-help like yoga, breathing techniques, massage, Tai Chi,  etc, so you get out of your head. The deepest growth happens when you're out of your head and NOT analyzing.

speaking of brad pitt, i love the guy, he is a great actor, seems like a great guy, but he recently confessed that he´s been alcoholic and drug user like for 30 years. I knew he was always a stoner, but didnt knew he was an alcoholic. Even he fucked up´d he´s realtionship and family with his bad habits. This should ring alarm bells to people.

[Orange]

On 24/6/2017 at 4:19 PM, TJ Reeves said:

 

See to be truly unconditionally happy means that you are okay with absolutely anything and everything that happens to you. That means being happy with your mother getting raped and killed in front of you. That means being happy with getting rejected by women and jobs. That means being happy with getting tortured and killed by the exact same people you're trying to help.

 

can you do this? can anyone do this? being unconditionally happy. Being happy also if it means getting tortured and/or your mother being raped? 

 

[RichardY]

Wheel of Pain?

[TJ Reeves]

On July 6, 2017 at 7:22 PM, Orange said:

can you do this? can anyone do this? being unconditionally happy?

• Open your heart to the possibility. Do you think you're ever going to even approach unconditional happiness if you don't open your heart?
• Open your mind. Do you really think you're better off not being open to the concept? For now, just strive for looking at how you set up conditions. Let go of the extreme examples and look at the smaller examples. 
• Yes. I can. A lot of people can. Even right now in a limited level of consciousness with relatively little much training, I can be happy about just about anything. In fact, some of the worst things that have ever happened to me have been the best things in my life. And Vice Versa. I am pretty open to the possibility of gaining understanding about some of the worst things that might happen to me.
• And if you're going to go with a whole "oh but time is only now" thing, then yes, I can potentially get to a point where I am happy with anything NOW as it happens. If you have a complete sensory experience of anything it's really not bad at all. 

On July 6, 2017 at 7:22 PM, Orange said:

 Being happy also if it means getting tortured and/or your mother being raped? 

• I see what you did there: you make seem as if happiness causes torture and rape. 
• And again, your incredulity demonstrates a lack of open-mindedness toward possible good things. For example, I personally know two examples of people birthed by rape. Obviously they are not 100% happy that it happened the way it did, but they are indeed happy that they were born, and it had to have happened or else they would not have been born.