I Have Decided! Finally...

[DizIzMikey]

Well I've been contemplating for most of life, and that sucks...I hate it, and NOW...I think I have the balls to finally do what I was set out to do in this life. I'm going to freaking make video games, and that's great for me. I was thinking of rapping before but than I realized, now that I don't have that pressure of personal image due to me still having a big huge ass ego(I THINK), I can be freely whoever I want to be without worrying so much about what people think of me, it is the biggest relief I have ever felt in quite awhile(I THINK) 

I am still deciding whether or not I will be using GameMaker:Studio or Unity as they look like the two top contenders as of now, but I still have a lot of research to do in order to find out which game engine I will be using.

I have two options

1. Go with GameMaker:Studio and make a game fast because of the convenience of the code language being simplified for users who don't know anything about programming(LIKE ME)

2. Go with Unity for the long run and learn C# or whatever language it uses, suffer financially longer, but gain real life skills due to me learning the coding language that can serve me in real life, because that's what I heard it can do. As well.. Unity is a big gaming engine that is used worldwide by major companies

 

Well uhh..now that I write it out, I think the logical thing for me to do is go with Unity for the long run...Amazing how writing something out can put things into perspective! lol

 

But the truth is I still need to analyze all the game engines and specifically see what will work, I know now the game engine I use to make games will be major due to it helping me be successful in the area I wish to work in...MAKING VIDEO GAMES! However... I have this unhealthy fear for working for someone else and failing them, probably because of the trigger of failure, I am associating it with my Grandpa, when I was younger he really got pissed off when I didn't do something write and it fucked with my head till this day. That's one thing I need to get over because that asshole(SORRY GRANDPA) damaged me in ways he was is even unaware of. 

Anyhow... no point in crying over it now(I THINK) I need to do some serious childhood therapy with my therapist and that's what I'll do to see if it eventually heals the wound or takes it away...however I don't think it will be healed until I kill my ego completely, the only thing is that now that I have a career goal I am afraid my ego will grow to an even more unhealthy amount, but alas I have this belief.. AS ABOVE SO BELOW

 

Heaven ordains everything, and if that is so, than anything on earth is acceptable... so it helps me cope with shit

 

Well time to go study, and thanks for anyone who read any of this because sometimes, I think it's nice to be heard when you've never been heard. 

 

See you soon(I THINK)  =)

[Guest]

My sources from beyond the grave say: Unity.