How To Win Friends And Influence People - Dale Carnegie

[Michael569]

For those who read it ->

Just finished the book. I don't know if it's just me but the message I took from this : "Fake growth. Be fake, be a pretender. Pretend like you give a shit about people's lifes so that you can manipulate themand get your way."

Or am I missing something? 

[S33K3R]

Sounds about right. I didnt read the whole book I just skimmed it and decided it wasn't right for me  I approach people with the same authenticity they give me. If people are fake I feel no obligation to do much more than they have. If people are real I enjoy those conversations deeply. I don't bother trying to talk to those who lack awareness. But I understand many people have the need to be hidden like that book says. I feel sorry for those people but some people need a book like that. I am sure more aware people judge it and see it as manipulative or evil. But in reality this is the existence of many people. Their perception is very limited on how to interact. Another thing about the world that is sad but true. 

[S33K3R]

1 minute ago, S33K3R said:

I approach people with the same authenticity they give me. 

I call this mirroring. It makes people feel validated and comfortable. Which in reality is what most people want, and its what I want. I like when people feel comfortable and are not self conscious.  

[Afonso]

Yeah, I read the whole book a year ago or so and I found it to be very manipulation-oriented.

[Siim Land]

Well, what the book teaches is how to make friends and influence people. You should first come to terms with what type of people you're trying to win over. Of course you can use it on anyone, but if you're doing it just to connect with someone you want to bring into your life it's very much justified.

[Truth Seekah]

 

[Michael569]

4 hours ago, S33K3R said:

Sounds about right. I didnt read the whole book I just skimmed it and decided it wasn't right for me  I approach people with the same authenticity they give me. If people are fake I feel no obligation to do much more than they have. If people are real I enjoy those conversations deeply. I don't bother trying to talk to those who lack awareness. But I understand many people have the need to be hidden like that book says. I feel sorry for those people but some people need a book like that. I am sure more aware people judge it and see it as manipulative or evil. But in reality this is the existence of many people. Their perception is very limited on how to interact. Another thing about the world that is sad but true. 

nowadays so many people are fake that most of the time you cannot even tell. Especially in business bot also outside of it. Their lies get smarter and the body language and posture matching is in some cases a work of art. But I agree, for unconscious sales people who unfortunatelly are part of a system that promotes scheming and lying because honesty seems to be out of the window, this can do the trick....

[S33K3R]

51 minutes ago, Michael569 said:

nowadays so many people are fake that most of the time you cannot even tell. 

Yes that can be tough. I dont know how but I can feel in my heart who a person is right away. I feel a tiny slight pull towards authentic people and I feel a slight repulsion from people who are not aligned with my energy. People who are on a spiritual path like this is like two very strong magnets. We instantly talk as if knowing eachother for years. This happened to me last while on vacation in Trinidad. Its always such an amazing experience to feel like I know someone deeply who I only just met.

[electroBeam]

@Michael569 the whole point of the book is that, to win people over you need to make their egos feel secure, powerful and proud, while you behind the scenes get what you want.

Honestly I found the stuff in the book to be pretty obvious. If you want a real book on manipulation, try out 48 rules of power by Robert Greene

[nikolay]

No doubt this book can be used for manipulation but what if you actually wanted to show people that you genuinely respect them but you didn't know how exactly to do that? Well, this book tells you how to. And I suggest you apply those 30 techniques only to people you like and respect and want to be friends with. 

[mikelschofield]

On 23.6.2017 at 7:03 PM, Michael569 said:

For those who read it ->

Just finished the book. I don't know if it's just me but the message I took from this : "Fake growth. Be fake, be a pretender. Pretend like you give a shit about people's lifes so that you can manipulate themand get your way."

Or am I missing something? 

Hey Michael can you please tell me in wich chapter dale talks about mirroring and asking a favor 

 

[mikelschofield]

On 23.6.2017 at 7:03 PM, Michael569 said:

For those who read it ->

Just finished the book. I don't know if it's just me but the message I took from this : "Fake growth. Be fake, be a pretender. Pretend like you give a shit about people's lifes so that you can manipulate themand get your way."

Or am I missing something? 

Hey Michael I wanted to ask about wich chapter it sais about the mirroring  and asking a favor and can you send me a link of the book you've read 

[Commodent]

Yes, I read most of it a couple of years ago and I didn't like it at all. Very shallow.

[allislove]

My parents gave the book as a present to me when I was in school. I am glad that I didn't like to read in that time and never finished even half of the book. 

[Average Investor]

@electroBeam It was a good read, but you definitely could use it to harm if desired. I think it is a good read for stage green for the fact of protecting themselves. And some really good history. I found it pretty enjoyable. But I really don't use much of it at all. I just notice things from the book that people do usually. 

[Thorn]

Although it does seem a bit manipulative and as though the message is to be fake in order to gain the favor of others, I think the book is much greater than that. From what I remember, there was an entire section on being 100 percent honest with others and he talked a lot about Abraham Lincoln. I first read this book when I was in high school. I had a lot of anxiety, I wanted to be friends with a lot of people but I didn't really know how. I already had my friends that I had made in previous years but I didn't really know how those started or how I could start a friendship with just any person in a room. What this book taught me was how to actually genuinely form new friendships. You may take it as fake manipulation, but the book teaches you general guidelines of conversation that make it so you can befriend people from all different cultures. It completely changed my life; I used to have terrible social anxiety and felt as though nobody wanted to be my friend. However, that was at the very beginning of my self help journey, I don't think I would enjoy the book now as I have moved up the spiral but do not discount this book for someone that is just starting their journey. 

[Missy in Japan]

I also enjoyed the book. I felt it was a really easy read, but there were some insights to be found. For example, I became conscious of the techniques that I was already unconsciously using when interacting with people. We all win friends and influence various people throughout our lives, but whether or not we are conscious of doing so is another story.

[Raphael]

On 6/23/2017 at 8:03 PM, Michael569 said:

For those who read it ->

Just finished the book. I don't know if it's just me but the message I took from this : "Fake growth. Be fake, be a pretender. Pretend like you give a shit about people's lifes so that you can manipulate themand get your way."

Or am I missing something? 

I read it, but I don't remember it that much. I also had this feeling of shallowness, however I remember a part where the author talks about honesty and that the tips in the book will only work if we are genuinely interested in others.

I will maybe read it again in the future.

[hyruga]

On 24/06/2017 at 0:03 AM, Michael569 said:

For those who read it ->

Just finished the book. I don't know if it's just me but the message I took from this : "Fake growth. Be fake, be a pretender. Pretend like you give a shit about people's lifes so that you can manipulate themand get your way."

Or am I missing something? 

You miss put 'suck up to people and be submissive'.

 

[vindicated erudite]

On 23/06/2017 at 5:03 PM, Michael569 said:

For those who read it ->

Just finished the book. I don't know if it's just me but the message I took from this : "Fake growth. Be fake, be a pretender. Pretend like you give a shit about people's lifes so that you can manipulate themand get your way."

Or am I missing something? 

I'm pretty sure the black triad is being reference as a framework in this book although I have yet to fully read it. The dark triad traits are the following : Machiavellianism (The ends justify the means type attitude. It is a lack of morality when achieving ones goals people who are high in this trait are often great forward planners, have high impulse control and keep a lot of secrets), Psychopathy (People who are high in this trait often have swallow emotional responses especially in empathy) and Narcissism (A delusion and inflated sense of self), Some consider sadism as a dark tetrad trait buy i'm sure Carnegie wouldn't involve this in his model of thinking. What I believe Dale Carnegie is doing is integrating the shadow to become productive rather than destructive as is what is seen in individuals who naturally posses these traits.