Do Men Care If..

[Sarah Marie]

I have a really great guy friend who claims that men have "rules" when dating. 

For example; if a girl sleeps with you on the first date she is not "wife material". If a girl gives head on the first day, she's a slut.

So I want more opinions. Do men actually care about:

• Hooking up on the first date
• If she is groomed shaved etc.
• If she shows her sluttiness the first time you hook up. (He claims that men like a girl on the streets but freak in the sheet, but you can't show that side to soon or it's a no)

 

[Cabot]

If you aim for anything other then a one night stand, never sleep with the guy on the first date, for two reasons:

1. He will assume you do it all the time and will loose respect for you, you'll be a "slut" in his mind.
2. You took away his chance to "conquer you". We love a challenge, and things are so much sweeter for us if we have to work for them.

It doesn't have to be too long, just long enough so you both crave it really, really badly. Especially then, hold it off for another day or two, to get the tension to the max... And then do it. I'm sure you will both appreciate it...

For me, grooming is very important. I feel both sides need to be on spot here. 

Again, no, but after you actually start having sex regularly this is the name of the game if you want to keep the guy.

I personally LOVE when a girl is all aristocratic in manner while in public, all formal and mannered, just hinting it with her eyes... So you call him, let him now you're on fire... Then go back to being a lady.

I think I feel this way because this way she's only yours... You need to be HIS slut, not A slut, that's probably the main point.

Damn, I'm all turned up now.   

[Elton]

5 hours ago, Sarah_Flagg said:

I have a really great guy friend who claims that men have "rules" when dating. 

For example; if a girl sleeps with you on the first date she is not "wife material". If a girl gives head on the first day, she's a slut.

So I want more opinions. Do men actually care about:

• Hooking up on the first date
• If she is groomed shaved etc.
• If she shows her sluttiness the first time you hook up. (He claims that men like a girl on the streets but freak in the sheet, but you can't show that side to soon or it's a no)

 

No i don't care about any of these , just she should be beautiful to me , i would respect her even if she would be slutty with me the very first time..i would love her for that actually... for being honest ... 

[FindingPeace]

7 hours ago, Sarah_Flagg said:

I have a really great guy friend who claims that men have "rules" when dating. 

There are no 'rules'. Rules are subjective and in the eyes of the beholders.

7 hours ago, Sarah_Flagg said:

So I want more opinions. Do men actually care about:

• Hooking up on the first date
• If she is groomed shaved etc.
• If she shows her sluttiness the first time you hook up. (He claims that men like a girl on the streets but freak in the sheet, but you can't show that side to soon or it's a no)

The moment someone starts a question with "Do men.." or "Do women.." I cringe. It's like asking "Do men like cheese?" or "Do women like the colour pink?". Some do, some don't. We can't assume that everyone falls into a nice convenient pattern of category.

No man can answer what 'men actually care about'. To do so would be to generalise, and speak on behalf of, men. Generalising is nonsense. Everyone is different. Maybe some people follow similar themes but ultimately there are no real 'rules of thumb'.

This always gets me with dating and relationships. All these rules and generalisations that people create. All these criteria and protocols.

The other thing that gets me is that to ask such questions is to try and second-guess the other person on the date and perhaps present them with what you think they will accept. This isn't just pretentious, it is manipulative. You shouldn't have to be guessing what they are looking for, or trying to be it. You should only be being your authentic self. It doesn't matter what the man 'wants'. If it isn't you then it isn't you. No biggy. If it is you, then great. But present them with the real you, and do and be the person that you are.

When people come together they can either accept one another as they find them or they cannot. There's no need for pretentious rules and games or hoops to jump through or criteria to match up with, boxes to tick. What nonsense.

If I went on a date I would only be interested in finding out about the woman's personality, beliefs and values, passions and motivations etc.  Then I could determine if their world-veiw and philisophy integrates with mine and whether we could actually get on in a meaningful way.

You either click or you don't. If you don't there's no need to be pretentious and 'pretend' to be something your not just fit someone else's ideology.

I wouldn't actually date someone who tried to be what they thought I wanted them to be. Someone who was 'trying to please me'. Only an authentic, open and honest person.

Edited February 17, 2016 by FindingPeace
Added content

[Lynnel]

2 hours ago, Cabot said:

If you aim for anything other then a one night stand, never sleep with the guy on the first date, for two reasons:

1. He will assume you do it all the time and will loose respect for you, you'll be a "slut" in his mind.

Stop spreading social conditionning and slut shaming.

 

7 hours ago, Sarah_Flagg said:

I have a really great guy friend who claims that men have "rules" when dating. 

For example; if a girl sleeps with you on the first date she is not "wife material". If a girl gives head on the first day, she's a slut.

So I want more opinions. Do men actually care about:

• Hooking up on the first date
• If she is groomed shaved etc.
• If she shows her sluttiness the first time you hook up. (He claims that men like a girl on the streets but freak in the sheet, but you can't show that side to soon or it's a no)

1) Yes, it's important. You get bonus points if you do it because It means you're free and not oppressed by the society.

2) Who would not be groomed shaved etc ?

3) Slutiness doesn't exist. It's a concept created by people who can't get laid to try to shame others for doing so.

Edited February 17, 2016 by Lynnel

[Cabot]

Quote

Stop spreading social conditionning and slut shaming.

I am trying to give honest insight from a mans perspective. Most men I know think like this, even though you may disagree. 

 

[Lynnel]

@Cabot Sorry, I should have framed it in a different way

[Guest Kingkong123]

Unfortunately we live in a world that the status quo is king. We poison each other with moral verdicts and judgment. For this reason these silly problems will always exist. Men generally will slut-shame and women will react accordingly by waiting longer and longer to have sex as to avoid the aforementioned. Its a paradox. Men want sex alot, but emotionally injury women that are "too easy", thereby creating a unbalanced system. (Realative to fundamental human needs, namely sex) we must transcend these idiotic, antiquated beliefs if we are to move forward...

[thortho]

8 hours ago, Sarah_Flagg said:

I have a really great guy friend who claims that men have "rules" when dating. 

For example; if a girl sleeps with you on the first date she is not "wife material". If a girl gives head on the first day, she's a slut.

So I want more opinions. Do men actually care about:

• Hooking up on the first date
• If she is groomed shaved etc.
• If she shows her sluttiness the first time you hook up. (He claims that men like a girl on the streets but freak in the sheet, but you can't show that side to soon or it's a no)

 

Myeah. I can't speak for all men - nobody can - so really, the response to any of these questions comes down to "It depends". From my perspective:

1. Not really, I've had first dates where we didn't hook up, and that's fine; once we did end up in bed after first meeting (we had been chatting online for  a couple of months before, though) and kept a relationship going for about a year before reaching the conclusion we were after very different things and breaking it off; I like to think that if our goals had been more compatible, it would have lasted a lot longer.

2. Nah. I'm not into the completely hairless look, myself, and hair in armpits and/or on legs isn't an issue for me. I used to work with a guy who claimed he preferred women didn't touch razors (and hair removal products in general) at all, so there's that.

3. I'm not sure what "shows her sluttiness" means, exactly, but I'm going to go with "is uninhibited in bed". And that's just not something I've come across - it's been more a case of inhibitions fading out as greater trust and intimacy gets built. I don't think I'd mind, though, as long as it's the kind of kinkiness I can go along with in the first place.

[kalter000]

8 hours ago, Sarah_Flagg said:

I have a really great guy friend who claims that men have "rules" when dating. 

For example; if a girl sleeps with you on the first date she is not "wife material". If a girl gives head on the first day, she's a slut.

So I want more opinions. Do men actually care about:

• Hooking up on the first date
• If she is groomed shaved etc.
• If she shows her sluttiness the first time you hook up. (He claims that men like a girl on the streets but freak in the sheet, but you can't show that side to soon or it's a no)

 

Well, men are creating rules because they lack confidence. These rules are really poor generalisations, but since they can't be authentic and think for themselves, rules create false sense of security and righteousness.

It also applies to women.  We are playing games with each other, wasting time and energy. I'm getting butthurt just thinking about it! "Don't answer her immediately on the phone, she will think you are needy. Wait couple years", "He should wait 99 dates before sex to prove me he is worthy of attention" - what the fuck?  

It's all ego games. Normal people don't even think about this shit, they are doing whatever they feel of doing, without fear and dissapproval.

Slut shaming and provider frame doesn't help this situation either.

1 hour ago, FindingPeace said:

You should only be being your authentic self

This!

[Simon Zackrisson]

We're different, that is always important to consider if one wishes to get real insight in the matter of what they're contemplating.

However, there are obviously sweeping generalisations one can make, I think it's safe to establish this. There are categories within humanity, each group holding it's own homeostasis as to which degree they feel comfortable in sympathizing with whatever issue given.

This group of human beings generally feel that they can agree decently well with whatever is presented, the second group responds with aversion, the third feels soso, fourth yes but in another perspective of reasoning etc. etc. I'm not really sure about which group would represent as the majority and the minority though.

Sorry if this is considered freaking obvious. I consider it's still relevant to keep hammering this horse into the ground.

8 hours ago, Sarah_Flagg said:

For example; if a girl sleeps with you on the first date she is not "wife material". If a girl gives head on the first day, she's a slut.

So I want more opinions. Do men actually care about:

• Hooking up on the first date
• If she is groomed shaved etc.
• If she shows her sluttiness the first time you hook up. (He claims that men like a girl on the streets but freak in the sheet, but you can't show that side to soon or it's a no)

So, here is my perspective.

1: It kinda depends on the social dynamic that this certain relationship is navigated through. (What do you know, another vague answer from me ) I suspect I'm still kinda brainwashed into feeling that slutty traits in girls are something that lowers the quality of the girl. An easy girl. The lame saying about the lock and key, master key and easy locks   I'm not really sure if I really agree with this though.. 

2: Yes. I think it's not only about visual looks, but also an indicator to the subconscious that an individual cares about hygiene and such (fuck diseases) and also health showcasing; strong and well being eventual kids. 

3: Idk. I think, if she likes me for me, and isn't just going on a mindless penishunt, then I can feel good about it.  Idk.

[Ida]

10 minutes ago, Simon Zackrisson said:

cares about hygiene and such (fuck diseases) and also health showcasing; strong and well being eventual kids

So you believe a person who doesn't shave/groom is unhealthy and will get weak kids? 

[Simon Zackrisson]

1 minute ago, Ida said:

So you believe a person who doesn't shave/groom is unhealthy and will get weak kids? 

Yes. 

No.  Read my sentence again: 

 

18 minutes ago, Simon Zackrisson said:

I think it's not only about visual looks, but also an indicator to the subconscious that an individual cares about hygiene and such (fuck diseases) and also health showcasing; strong and well being eventual kids.

 

[Walter B]

9 hours ago, Sarah_Flagg said:

I have a really great guy friend who claims that men have "rules" when dating. 

For example; if a girl sleeps with you on the first date she is not "wife material". If a girl gives head on the first day, she's a slut.

So I want more opinions. Do men actually care about:

• Hooking up on the first date
• If she is groomed shaved etc.
• If she shows her sluttiness the first time you hook up. (He claims that men like a girl on the streets but freak in the sheet, but you can't show that side to soon or it's a no)

 

Leo's videos about sexuality are really good for contemplation. Just be sure you are easy with it. Pick the people well before going far with them. Determine what really stirs you at your core so you can feel them quickly. 

Being "his" is so important. But don't be abused. People often mistake kindness for weakness.

Lots of people, for instance, only know love as defined by someone else. And remember there are emotional and sexual intimacy components. Both of which are intertwined and violation of either will seed doubt in both. So, it's important to develop an inner dwelling for you two to hold alone, no one else gets in there! Everyone else wants in it. It's their nature. So that's a lifelong practice for a couple in itself! Lots of people can't even have an inner dwelling of their own yet, so that must be accomplished for yourself first before one can expect to share it.

And you have to remember how to "not give a f***" and walk away as fast as you walked up. It doesn't take long for things to go south with poor communication and lingering dependencies on others. This is only self inflicted torture to both parties.

This topic could expand quite a bit!

[Ida]

Okay, so to your subconscious mind, that's what you feel? :b

Can't wait for the good weather to come! Looking forward to provoke and help the opressed female body! :3 

[Simon Zackrisson]

lol wat

[ZenMonkey]

57 minutes ago, Simon Zackrisson said:

2: Yes. I think it's not only about visual looks, but also an indicator to the subconscious that an individual cares about hygiene and such (fuck diseases) and also health showcasing; strong and well being eventual kids.

I think that is just some heavy social conditioning gonig on there.

[Simon Zackrisson]

13 minutes ago, ZenMonkey said:

I think that is just some heavy social conditioning gonig on there.

May be so.

Although, is it also social conditioning to not find a rock sexually attractive?

What is your assessment of the reconciliation between genetics and environment?

[Sarah Marie]

Thanks guys, I mean I know my opinion on the subject which would be it's subjective. 

To be clear I'm not "spreading sluttiness shame". Has nothing to do with that, that would probably be what HE is doing by making these claims.

[ZenMonkey]

40 minutes ago, Simon Zackrisson said:

May be so.

Although, is it also social conditioning to not find a rock sexually attractive?

If I am right here we are taking about women being shaved etc. Just think some years back and everybody thought completly different. Like our parents or grand parents generation. But nowadays we stumple across this topic in a different way again and again, very often in porn.

If it would be kind of a belief in parts of society that rocks were attractiv it could become social conditioning I think.

43 minutes ago, Simon Zackrisson said:

What is your assessment of the reconciliation between genetics and environment?

Sorry, I didn't get that question. English isn't my native language even so I understand most of it but that was just a bit too high