cheating partner: to leave or not to leave?

[MIARIVEL]

What if you have caught your partner sending texts to other girls, denying he has a girlfriend? what if there are signs he is cheating but you have no proof or he hasn't actually cheated, he's just very flirtatious and loves looking at other girls, I mean this is normal for guys right? 

Ok its obvious for some that if you start to see the signs, you deserve better and should leave and find someone new right? maybe, when to give people second chances and when to walk away. 

[MIARIVEL]

2 hours ago, Rares said:

That is a good idea. How To Deal With Cheating and Why People Cheat its a very good idea for a video.  There will be practical advice and you can take action immediately to change the situation

Hi Rares, This is just my opinion but I do not think anyone, no matter how much you love someone should ever have to 'deal with cheating'. I don't care what the other person's excuse is, once someone cheats, everything that ever meant something goes right out the door, nothing matters after that point. Yes you may still love them and you may be hurt, but the quicker you realise your worth and move on, the better quality of life you will live and will give you the opportunity to find someone worthy of you. People cheat out of greed and selfishness.

[Rares]

I'm perfectly agree with you. Once you cheat/have been cheated its over. If you don`t know it you can feel it. The connection, the chemistry is not there any more. And a long and healthy relation is not possible any more.
My focus goes to "why people tend to cheat" so you can fix the problem at the root cause before even happens

[Leo Gura]

7 hours ago, MIA.RIVEL said:

What if you have caught your partner sending texts to other girls, denying he has a girlfriend?

That's a tough one. Some girls and guys get paranoid about their partner talking to the opposite sex because they are insecure and get jealousy too easily. If you two have a strong relationship, I don't think there's much to worry about.

But if your relationship is shaky, then, yeah, there's a danger there.

It also depends on the partner's natural personality type, Some partners are naturally very outgoing and socialable so they hug and play cheeky with everyone.

[Sarah Marie]

I am married, got married wayyyyyyy to young 18(cough cough). My husband and I have an amazing sex life. I would love to have an open marriage with him, but he isn't there mentally (and I'm ok with that). I would leave him if he cheated on me, went behind my back and lied. However if our relationship was in a good place and we both felt comfortable I would want to try an open marriage. In that case we'd both be open and honest about who and where we were with. There pretty much isn't a single thing he could suggest that'd I wouldn't try, so I'd feel there were much deeper issues if he knew this and still decided to cheat. In which case, I'd prefer to go separate ways. 

[Dhana Choko]

I think it is very serious if the partner one is with cannot control themselves and prevent cheating. It literally means that they are very confused as a person and with their mind. I think that is something that is very alarming. It shows so many lacks in ability to plan for the future, to take care of a relationship, understand other people's deep emotional needs etc that it is just really bad. 

I was cheated once and we broke up. It was so painful. Only a person that is very confused can do that to another person. If they would understand the consequences and the emotional pain it causes to a person who loves them, no one would do it. To be honest, I am still hurting from it.

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, Sarah_Flagg said:

I am married, got married wayyyyyyy to young 18(cough cough). My husband and I have an amazing sex life. I would love to have an open marriage with him, but he isn't there mentally (and I'm ok with that). I would leave him if he cheated on me, went behind my back and lied. However if our relationship was in a good place and we both felt comfortable I would want to try an open marriage. In that case we'd both be open and honest about who and where we were with. There pretty much isn't a single thing he could suggest that'd I wouldn't try, so I'd feel there were much deeper issues if he knew this and still decided to cheat. In which case, I'd prefer to go separate ways. 

Wow, it's cool to see that kind of openness. Most girls like to lock guys down for keeps. Interesting.

[Sarah Marie]

19 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Wow, it's cool to see that kind of openness. Most girls like to lock guys down for keeps. Interesting.

I don't think I've come across many girls that share my views, that's for sure. I definitely don't like feeling like I am "locking" my husband down. I kind of view it like we're our own people, just choosing to share our lives together rather than "he's my other half" type of thing.  Sex is amazing like one of the best parts of life. I like to experiment and although I have no complaints about him I'd love to explore with the right people. I understand why he's not there though, so I respect his boundaries. If at some point it's something I decide I NEED to make my sex life a 10 out of 10 I'll address that opportunity. At least he didn't get defensive and shut down my suggestion! ? With the right person, I feel like this situation would be my 10 out of 10. 

[Leo Gura]

Reminds me of a book I was given as a gift called The Ethical Slut

[Sarah Marie]

? I will have to check it out, sounds like me??

[Guest]

thats the situation that started my personal development. she was texting and flirting, so i started texting and flirting. it was a mess, and got out of control. I realized i couldnt control what she did, but i could for myself. turns out i created most the problems (actually all but thats deeper then the context here) and after reforming my view, turns out what she did wasnt as bad as i perceived it. remember the knowledge graph. 

[FinnishJon]

I was married to a woman who let herself go... she's 125 kg today.  And I ended up cheating.  I felt like shit about it, so I eventually got out of the marriage.  She continues to put 100% of the blame for our marriage's demise on me.  I don't see it quite so black and white.  We still get along very well, but I had to follow my honest internal feelings that it was a dysfunctional relationship.  Leo's videos on dealing with a breakup and recognizing the signs of a dysfunctional relationship helped me come to my current decision  in which I feel happy to be living on my own and not getting back with her, even though we have 2 wonderful kids.  It would be comfortable to go back to that marriage, but it's better for both of us, in the long run, to break up.  So, yes to leaving when the partner is cheating, and also yes, when you are the partner who is cheating.  Both cases are dysfunctional.

 

[Jecht Spencer]

14 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Reminds me of a book I was given as a gift called The Ethical Slut

Good book. 4 Stars. Some healthy mindsets in there...

 

 

Edited February 7, 2016 by Jecht Spencer

[marting]

On 6/2/2016 at 11:58 PM, MIA.RIVEL said:

What if you have caught your partner sending texts to other girls, denying he has a girlfriend? what if there are signs he is cheating but you have no proof or he hasn't actually cheated, he's just very flirtatious and loves looking at other girls, I mean this is normal for guys right?

No it's not. It's not ok to flirt with other girls front of your girlfriend. Having said that in my opinion people make too much of sex in a relationship. The important question whether you like spending time with that person.

[MIARIVEL]

38 minutes ago, marting said:

No it's not. It's not ok to flirt with other girls front of your girlfriend. Having said that in my opinion people make too much of sex in a relationship. The important question whether you like spending time with that person.

I think one area of my life I am really stuck in and struggle with... Relationships. I don't know why they are so complicated.

[Guest]

I don't have a girlfriend but when I had one I couldn't even stand when she texts other guys. I am scorpio sun and moon.

[marting]

47 minutes ago, MIA.RIVEL said:

I think one area of my life I am really stuck in and struggle with... Relationships. I don't know why they are so complicated.

Funny that when you talk to people who are in good relationships they say it's pretty simple...

“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
― Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

[milosmajlo]

@MIA.RIVEL Guys cheat from many reasons but the most common ones are that they do so because they don't really love their girls, or they do have some affection they care and are connected but they want to get the best out of life, they don't want to kinda get stuck especially if they are young, so they want to explore and find themselves. I don't know your case well enough but I think that you lack a good communication with him, because that's on of the most important things in a relationship.

[AlexB]

On 6/2/2016 at 1:58 PM, MIA.RIVEL said:

What if you have caught your partner sending texts to other girls, denying he has a girlfriend? what if there are signs he is cheating but you have no proof or he hasn't actually cheated, he's just very flirtatious and loves looking at other girls, I mean this is normal for guys right? 

Ok its obvious for some that if you start to see the signs, you deserve better and should leave and find someone new right? maybe, when to give people second chances and when to walk away. 

Its very important to look at that persons history, did he cheat in past relationships? Men look at other women all the time, it's masculine energy we like what we see. But on the other hand if a man is in love he has to control those impulses at least when his girl is present, for the socialising of course it's ok to talk with other women as long as there aren't any flirts envolved. In that case you have a first signal that you may be betrayed one day. Love for me is supposed to be fun and lighthearted, you go there to give. I gave to one of my ex like 7 chances already, first month's go smooth after all the old demons come back, it's hard for people to change if they don't do the work necessary, I saw this in other people's relationships too. The hard thing is that people like us who are into personal development find, it's hard to find a partner that suits us because of the different ways of thinking. 

Peace ✌ 

[clytaemnestra]

On ‎6‎.‎2‎.‎2016‎. at 9:09 PM, Leo Gura said:

That's a tough one. Some girls and guys get paranoid about their partner talking to the opposite sex because they are insecure and get jealousy too easily. If you two have a strong relationship, I don't think there's much to worry about.

But if your relationship is shaky, then, yeah, there's a danger there.

It also depends on the partner's natural personality type, Some partners are naturally very outgoing and socialable so they hug and play cheeky with everyone.

I don't think it is bad talking and chatting with other girls/guys, but I don't get it why would you deny that you have a girlfriend/boyfriend? Basically, you're lying other person that you're single and available for her/him, although you're not.