What Is The Difference Between Monkey-mind And Ego

[Emerald]

Just now, Nichols Harvey said:

@Emerald

Good day emerald. You're not dragging me into your world. I don't feed trolls

Have a good night.

[Guest Annetta]

@Emerald I think he is Morrtiz.  The newbie.

Also, I predict there is going to be a wave of arrogant ego-poppers on here for a few months.

Edited June 24, 2017 by Annetta

[Prabhaker]

1 minute ago, Emerald said:

Are you doing a similar thing to what I'm doing now with regard to the trying to become disenchanted with intellect?

I also do the similar thing to what you are doing now. I can behave differently also. I have no strategy, no rules. I do whatever makes me happy and peaceful, I am not a consistent person.

[Emerald]

Just now, Prabhaker said:

I also do the similar thing to what you are doing now. I can behave differently also. I have no strategy, no rules. I do whatever makes me happy and peaceful, I am not a consistent person.

I had wondered for a little bit if that's why you're on this forum too. Do you feel like it's been helping you get disenchanted with your self-concept? My issue is that I still feel myself grasp for meaning in embodying a similar-ish persona to you and most others on here. I can sense a subtle fear of becoming nothing whenever I consider leaving it behind. 

[Joseph Maynor]

@Emerald Sorry to butt in here.  But Emerald, you strike me as somebody who really has an absence of persona.  You are very authentic.  Very genuine.  

Edited June 24, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[Prabhaker]

1 minute ago, Emerald said:

I had wondered for a little bit if that's why you're on this forum too.

I am a hermit and I don't like do anything, I only relax all day, but still I can't remain unoccupied twenty four hours. I am not a Buddha. Just for fun I post on this forum, it is only a play. If by chance somebody finds the wisdom of Osho , that I post on this forum useful, it makes me more happier. If somebody trolls me, I enjoy that too. I am not a serious person.

[Emerald]

Just now, Joseph Maynor said:

@Emerald Sorry to butt in here.  But Emerald, you strike me as somebody who really has an absence of persona.  You are very authentic.  

Thank you. I appreciate that. Exactly the thing you said is normally what brings me comfort in life to be able to think that way of myself. And in any other context, I would accept the compliment without protest. It is a very nice compliment. It's my favorite type of compliment to get. But since we're on the topic of egos and personas, what you think of me is the result of a very sneaky and subtle type of dishonesty that I use to build my persona. I'm trying now to become more aware of it without squinting my eyes any. I find that I can strangely use honesty for dishonest purposes. In fact, I'm even doing it right now as I type this message. It's inescapable to me from where I am. I'm always trying to manipulate the situation so that I can appear a certain way. But what really want in all my semi-unconscious tricks is simply to love myself and be at peace, which I only ever was capable of when I transcended the ego. I don't think I'll be capable of true honesty until I have overcome attachments to nice appearances or wise appearances. But thank you all the same.

[Prabhaker]

12 minutes ago, Emerald said:

My issue is that I still feel myself grasp for meaning in embodying a similar-ish persona to you and most others on here. I can sense a subtle fear of becoming nothing whenever I consider leaving it behind.

One has pass through peaks and valleys on this journey, accept everything that existence offers you, without complaining. So when you are on a wave of sadness, fear, emptiness ,just wait and watch, don't judge. These barriers will become stepping stones. 

[Joseph Maynor]

It's not just a compliment.  I don't know you personally, but it is like calling a spade a spade.  That's not a compliment, it is a fact.  You can take it as a compliment if you wish.  I am very genuine too.  Or at least I try to be.  I can be ornery too from time to time though.  Especially when my ego gets rubbed the wrong way.  I'm very sensitive to criticism and get very competitive very fast.  If I don't watch myself I will turn into a crazy person, a mad-man.  But I don't do that as much anymore.  I've burned enough bridges in my life.  

Edited June 24, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[Emerald]

1 minute ago, Prabhaker said:

One has pass through peaks and valleys on this journey, accept everything that existence offers you, without complaining. So when you are on a wave of sadness, fear, emptiness ,just wait and watch, don't judge. These barriers will become stepping stones. 

I have to keep remembering not to think of this or that experience as negative just because it frazzles me. Then to also remember not to label the frazzling as negative to. And so on and so on. But I'm always falling for it. I'm like the mindfulness practicing equivalent of someone who always falls for the "What's that on your shirt?" joke. Somehow, I still expect something to be there.  

[Emerald]

5 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

It's not just a compliment.  I don't know you personally, but it is like calling a spade a spade.  That's not a compliment, it is a fact.  You can take it as a compliment if you wish.  I am very genuine too.  Or at least I try to be.  I can be ornery too from time to time though.  Especially when my ego gets rubbed the wrong way.  I'm very sensitive to criticism and get very competitive very fast.  If I don't watch myself I will turn into a crazy person, a mad-man.  But I don't do that as much anymore.  I've burned enough bridges in my life.  

I'm glad that you perceive me that way. It makes me feel good. I just tend to eye myself suspiciously and have a hard time not getting too into the weeds of my intentions that are below the surface. But it does genuinely give me a little boost to hear. 

[Joseph Maynor]

@Emerald Yeah I know.  You beat yourself up a lot.  I have a history of doing that too.  I've kinda made shifts away from doing that in the last couple of months.  But I can appreciate your striving.  Just make sure you aren't being too rough on yourself.    

Edited June 24, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[Prabhaker]

3 minutes ago, Emerald said:

I have to keep remembering not to think of this or that experience as negative

I don't label anything as negative or positive, I simply watch everything. If something disturbs me , I take it as a reminder that I am away from my center. When I am a watcher , when I am centered , nothing disturbs me.

I have suffered a lot in the past, now I realize that I was living in a wrong way. Only I was responsible.

[Emerald]

3 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

@Emerald Yeah I know.  You beat yourself up a lot.  I have a history of doing that too.  I've kinda made shifts away from doing that in the last couple of months.  But I can appreciate your striving.  Just make sure you aren't being too rough on yourself.    

I know that it might seem like I'm beating myself up, but I'm really not. I'm really just trying to be as honest with myself as I can be without labeling it as negative. So, I notice myself being dishonest and manipulative all the time in very subtle ways that I could very easily overlook. But I think of it as a neutral thing that I am this way. I don't consider it some personal failing of mine. It's just where I am right now. 

[Joseph Maynor]

@Emerald Sometimes I feel that this enlightenment stuff is not necessarily 100% healthy.  It is actually pretty neurotic at times.  I've had to find a balance in my life.  A peace.  But at the same time I wanna be killing it on my life-purpose, which is huge.  I'm writing a philosophy book, not necessarily a minor feat.  So, it's kinda paradoxical.  But you can get sucked too far down the rabbit hole of the enlightenment theory route, and kinda lose sight of the trail.  You end up kinda off-center so to speak.  A bit too radical.  A bit too bought-in.  You end up being a conformist in your quest not to be one.  Kinda like punk rockers.  Saddling yourself and guilting yourself with all that theory.

Edited June 24, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[Guest Annetta]

@Joseph Maynor Agreed. 

[Prabhaker]

1 minute ago, Annetta said:

Agreed. 

Yes , it is greatest gamble.

[Prabhaker]

12 minutes ago, Annetta said:

Agreed.

It is a gambling, but only the gamblers know what life is.  

15 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

 But at the same time I wanna be killing it on my life-purpose, which is huge.

All Buddhas are gamblers, because they are gambling for something unknown, and staking something which is known to them.

[Joseph Maynor]

@Prabhaker Ah Prabhaker.  Another beacon of genuineness, just like Emerald.  You know, I was tough on enlightenment and all this spiritual-striving in my previous post, but the day I had my ego-death experience, which was last March, was the first day of my life.  It was the day I went from a caterpillar to a butterfly.  I'll never be the same again.  So, enlightenment is not to be underestimated.  But I think there's a balance there you can find with this work.  And that's what the wisest people find.  That balance.  That peace.  That end to striving so much.  A turning away from the burn and more towards love.  Love and acceptance.  You don't have to work that hard.  Just be.  That's what's I've discovered.  It's like you discover the Tao.  Wu Wei.  Non-action action.  Striving via love not force.  A gentle steady wind versus a tornado.  Tornados cause a lot of collateral damage, even to the tornado itself.

Edited June 24, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[Emerald]

14 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

@Emerald Sometimes I feel that this enlightenment stuff is not necessarily 100% healthy.  It is actually pretty neurotic at times.  I've had to find a balance in my life.  A peace.  But at the same time I wanna be killing it on my life-purpose, which is huge.  I'm writing a philosophy book, not necessarily a minor feat.  So, it's kinda paradoxical.  But you can get sucked too far down the rabbit hole of the enlightenment theory route, and kinda lose sight of the trail.  You end up kinda off-center so to speak.  A bit too radical.  A bit too bought-in.  You end up being a conformist in your quest not to be one.  Kinda like punk rockers.  Saddling yourself and guilting yourself with all that theory.

The only time in my life where I was truly at peace and loved myself, was when I experienced ego transcendence. I don't really have the luxury of not taking it too seriously because I know that's the only way that I'll ever really feel okay. I know it is the only thing that will ever give me what I have been seeking for in my entire life. When I experienced ego transcendence, I realized that I had always been seeking it all along through many different endeavors including career goals. I'm unfortunately stuck in the middle of the pipe. I can neither transcend the ego nor can I take my search for ego-transcendence more lightly. I sometimes wish that I had never experienced it, simply because I'd be a lot more successful right now. I had huge ambitions before those experiences. But the ambitions were what was causing me so much suffering, and I saw it clearly without the ego there. Now, I still have ambitions, but I don't take them all that seriously. I try to let go of the need to be seen as somebody or to leave some legacy. But I still enjoy doing things that I like.