Need Help On Forgiving Others

[hinawashi]

Sorry for not being active here for a long while.

I've been having the very real struggle letting go of my sadistic tendencies towards a lot of my former enemies, many of which are my family members. Although I've learned not to let any of them hurt me anymore, but the most difficult part is letting all that go. The problem with self-improvement work is that now I have the power to see through them and I could completely manipulate and torture them, because they're totally unconscious.

From time to time I keep thinking about setting up various scenarios to bring out the maximum amount of emotional pain in them and feed off that pain myself like a vampire. I know that it's not the right thing to do, but these thoughts keep coming back to tempt me. Sometime I can come up with ways to torture people that are really disturbing even I find it disturbing.

Any advice? Would I become a sadistic monster if this keeps happening?

[egoeimai]

Not only isn't right as you said before, but it won't satisfy you, it'll make things in your mind worse. So better be a victim

(in your mind of course not in reality,at all, and then try to switch it into a non victim)

 than being evil. Because as you hurt others,you hurt yourself more ... So don't hurt yourself. Forgive everyone and yourself included. (Others are a reflection of you and always remember things happen for a reason ...if you love yourself you can love others too)  Try ho'oponopono it's a Hawaiian technique which works. Don't spread negativity and hatred. World has enough of it. ? good luck ?

[S33K3R]

I went through that stage with my sister. 

It can be tempting to play puppet master in these situations as it kind of feels good to "get even". Over time while indulging I realized I was becoming obsessed with her which kept pulling me into the negative realm. No matter what I did I would be negatively influenced by my choice to play with this seductive fire. Unfortunately it is not possible to interact with those you have a deep desire to hurt without consecutively hurting yourself. 

I was unable to stop this on my own so I decided to cut her out of my life. This back and forth negative karma was a game we played our whole lives and it seemed to stem from some past life drama because she hated me from when I was a baby. 

Forgiveness doesn't mean everything is okay and your not hurt. It means you don't care enough to bother with them anymore. It is good for you because it gives your consciousness space to expand into different things that push you toward where you will thrive most in this life. If you want to stay and continue hurting them then you will never have time for other things you may want more. 

It is up to you to make a conscious decision. Do you want to hurt them or do you have more important things to focus your energy on? Often times we think we can do both but in reality emotional stress takes its toll, this manipulation game you are playing will hold your progression back. But its not a terrible thing to learn that from experience. I spent years not progressing because I had to understand this in my heart. 

 

[hinawashi]

@egoeimai @S33K3R Thanks for your advice.

I had to go thorough a bit of meditation to realize that the darkness that I fight was inside me all along. I'm not fighting against anyone else, I'm fighting my own evil desires. Sometimes I want to "fight the good fight" but it was all repressing my sadistic tendencies to hurt people while keeping up an image of being righteous.

This makes me really sad. Really sad. I thought I was being in control. I thought I was the puppet master, but I was letting myself be controlled by this evil inside me.

I guess the first step would be forgiving myself then.

[S33K3R]

@hinawashi 

Everything we all do is okay. Especially in the pursuit of a higher awareness. Making mistakes is part of the learning and the biggest factor in success across the board is how fast we get over the mistake and realign with a beneficial paradigm. 

I use this analogy when I am down on something I have done. I imagine myself as a child learning to walk and if I say nasty things to myself I imagine saying them to an innocent child. This stops me from bashing myself for mistakes. This makes me move onto a solution incredibly fast. Because few people would want to berate and shame a small innocent child. Which we all really are deep down. 

Don't be hard on yourself for being alive and aware. You are learning that is amazing!

[Prabhaker]

@hinawashi

Gaffar is a Sufi name for god. It means: one who forgives. If you can love and forgive, nothing else is needed. If you cannot forgive, you cannot love; if you cannot love, you cannot forgive. Only great love knows how to forgive, and only great forgiveness knows how to love, otherwise everybody has limitations. Everybody commits mistakes; to err is human, to forgive is divine. And the more you forgive, the more you start moving towards the divine; you start transcending humanity. And the higher you reach, the more love becomes possible.

So remember to love unconditionally and forgive unconditionally, and you will not accumulate any karma; you will not accumulate any past. You will not accumulate any bondage around you, and you will not have any barriers to your vision.

People ordinarily think that forgiveness is for those who are worthy of it, who deserve it. But if somebody deserves, is worthy of forgiveness, it is not much of a forgiveness. You are not doing anything on your part; he deserves it. You are not really being love and compassion. Your forgiveness will be authentic only when even those who don’t deserve it receive it.

Forgiveness simply means you accept the person as he is, you still love him the way he is. Forgiveness means that you don’t judge him, that you are non-judgmental. But ordinarily we think forgiveness means you know that he has done wrong, still you forgive him. First you judge and then you forgive. Your forgiveness is false. Real forgiveness has no judgment. It never says, “No, you have done wrong, but still I forgive you.” It simply accepts the person as he is. There is no grudge, no complaint, no grumbling. There is no question really of forgiving because there is no anger in the first place.

[hinawashi]

@Prabhaker OK, so that cleared everything up. I've been thinking of the same thing, actually. However I've never thought about accepting other people, but I'll give it a try.

Thank you so much!

 

[Bob84]

@hinawashi realize that this is nothing more then you not wanting to accept what is. 

Our egos say everything needs to be conform with our opinions and beliefs. This is a obviuse illusion that is easy to forget about.