Feeling Down During Change?

[spicy_pickles]

I have been feeling very down and out for awhile. But, at the same time, I feel as though I'm "growing" (if that makes any sense at all). 

Like I've said in previous posts, I'm noticing more confidence in myself, an urge to improve myself through fitness, a desire to try new things, a need to put my happiness first. But, I feel depressed. 

This may have to do with the fact I can feel that the last six years of my life and that stage I was in is coming to an end. It is doing that because I'm growing. I'm not accepting anything less than what I deserve. I'm striving for the best. I'm speaking up. It still hurts. 

Is this a normal process?

[Visitor]

Depression basically occurs when one is predominately thinking about things that have not gone the way they wanted for themselves. It is in the past, and just a memory. We still may need to deal with the repercussions, but those are either now or future (not the past).

Things always change, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. When things come to an end for us it usually means we no longer have any need for it.

We will always remember things that have been stored in our memory. Some of those memories also contain emotions, stories of pain and suffering, and such things when recalled can be relived again. It does not mean that we have not moved on, or not changed, but simply re-experiencing a memory. 

[Joseph Maynor]

Yes.  I am recovering from a similar situation.  Really the last 6 months have been a turning point for me.  I had my ego-death experience in March, and then I went kinda crazy for a while.  Then my life sorta spiraled out of control due to many reasons.  Then I hit rock bottom in early May.  Now I am sober, rebuilding my business, and re-engaged with moving forward.  But I hit the depths of depression too, so I can relate.  Just remember that a sunny day always follows a series of cloudy days eventually.  This too shall pass.  And when that sun peeks over the horizon you're gonna be so grateful.  And believe me, it does.  I just experienced it myself.

Edited June 20, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[nahtanoj]

@Joseph Maynor what  you mind by ego-death? What is the process to get that? 

@spicy_pickles  I've been doing a lot of inner work this past six months and I can confirm that doing inner work get you depressed but I think it's normal because you are fucking with your ego. For example I started doing the 100% resposability approach in my life and it worked perfectly  for two weeks but then I got hit by my ego and the resistance was so strong that I had to take a vacation from my work. Taking 100% responsibility of everything is hard and the ego hate it. Also I started being more honest with people and myself and again it worked fine for two weeks after that a the depression arises again. Doing inner work is hard. Doing confidence work is hard. The important thing is to know that this depression is going to pass. Just keep going and if you need a break take it, go low conscious for a while but remember to come back. Also sleep, I always get a lot of sleep.  When I feeling down I sleep and it helps me. Btw watch out for burnout, try to get one thing at a time, trying a lot of stuff at the same time is more dangerous. And the failure is bigger. Remember we have limited resources. Limited time, limited mental capacity, limited will power. Hope everything gets well. 

[Joseph Maynor]

@nahtanoj Ego-death: When the concept (and feeling) that I had of myself as a thing died, or more accurately was no longer capable of being clung-to.  The thing I had previously thought I was and was defending died.  Who I thought I was died, so in a sense, I died, although not really.  It's a bit paradoxical.  But it was not a fun process.  It was a very emotional process.  Like what happens when people are exposed to enlightenment: sometimes you hear people describe the table-turning aftermath of that.  That's what I mean.  I literally went through the 7 stages of grief.  And I got really angry and fearless and became a Zen Devil for a couple of weeks until I got my bearings again.  But this was not an intellectual experience.  It was more like an exorcism, although without the evil connotations.  My self left me.  Although, I found out later, not entirely.  There are still vestiges of my ego (in the self sense) left in me -- like 15% remaining.  Be careful what you wish for with enlightenment work, you might get it!  But I feel much better today being in emptiness, so it was worth it.  But it caused a lot of consternation in my life for about 3 weeks.  Watch Leo's videos on enlightenment.

Edited June 21, 2017 by Joseph Maynor

[Bob84]

@spicy_pickles get back your vision of the future.

Im going to this ... and that.... and its going to be fucking amazing