Sacrificing Intimate Realationships For Self-actualization

[Mkayl]

Hi

Lately I've realised how strong my conviction is that I can't do both at the same time: self-actualization and having an intimate relationship. I'm clearly in favour of self-actualization but I'm not happy with this situation.
I read a lot of books, meditate daily, explore the world within and without and every new day I try to massive fuckin' action the shit out of it.

But for some reason I can't do the same with intimate (sexual) relationships. I fear that I'll lose myself in relationship monkey business, getting distracted from self-actualizing and ending up doing it half-assed or losing myself. I'm really content with how things are progressing in my self-actualization except for my relationship problem which I see as a huge blindspot in my Maslow's pyramid. 

I've tried a number of times but always ended up withdrawing. And I really do miss intimacy.

What's your take on this?

[ZenMonkey]

Why shouldn't you be able to integrate both in your life? I think you can grow in relationships. You enjoy. You struggle. And you learn about yourself. At least if you live it mindfully.

A partner can be your mirror. Why does this particular behavior of her bother me? What does it tell me about myself?

Find somebody who is on the same page with you. For sure there are some people who like to create drama and all that stuff. But it can only affect you if you let it affect you. Meet somebody who is already a bit deeper. If you are interested in meditation maybe meditation retreats are a good place to find a girlfriend.

[Ayla]

@Mkayl  - If self-actualization is your main focus, indeed any intimate relationship that's standing in your way will be "peeled off" by some force we don't really wanna acknowledge. Stay focused on your goal. If there's something for you to learn ( and any human does) within an intimate relationship, it will come to you in due time  

[Mkayl]

@ZenMonkey, @Ayla thank you for your replies. I feel that you're exactly right. There's no reason for this kind of sacrifice. I think for me it's mostly an issue of fear of making myself vulnerable. I had to laugh when I noticed that all my rationalizations for making this sacrifice a "nobel" thing were just so that I didn't have to work them out. Had a good laugh about that :-D