Grace's Whisper

[Ayla]

@DizIzMikey

The only reason you see me on a "high chair", is because YOU refuse to look at "your own chair" 

I promise it is not difficult. The moment you've had enough of all the drama around, the moment there's no more appetite to engage with any of it, you'll find the highness of your own chair

It seems difficult, I know, until it doesn't anymore. 

[DizIzMikey]

@Ayla error error 

Danger will robinson.. danger 

Edited June 23, 2016 by DizIzMikey

[Ayla]

8 minutes ago, DizIzMikey said:

Pleasantville

ohhhhhhh you haven't seen THIS getting mad  - cause it does.

Life likes to play mad at times, and you know what? there's nothing wrong with any of it...

[DizIzMikey]

@Ayla hey did you know if aliens exist they might be more evolved than us.

Our pupil is black and reflects us when we close our eyes.

Well think of aliens! If they are true the greys pupils are totally black I am so happy to see how they see in order to develop myself and others... 

So if this world is a reflection of myself the ultimate reflection must be when I close my eyes.... now to only find my fate and find myself maybe.

[abrakamowse]

9 hours ago, Ayla said:

Fear is still there. EVERYTHING is still there. But there's NOBODY there, no central unit that gets affected by any of it. The focus needs to turn from the object to the SUBJECT. When it is SEEN that there's no experiencer, no separate entity that has to deal with any of it... everything drops. 

Ayla has a lot of fears, but I don't, as I know they're all imaginary, part of the play here. 

Also, we NEVER have fears about others. So in your context, you only fear the way YOU would feel if your daughter... 

I know FOR SURE death doesn't exist, but can you believe me? You need to search for yourself. It's not difficult. 

 

I understand everything but I cannot SEE. Frustration is there, but ego is making like if he's not interested.

Thoughts are there, and they seem to make sense... and everything is crazy

Edited June 23, 2016 by abrakamowse

[Ayla]

@abrakamowse , please consider this carefully:

In what you currently perceive as YOUR experience, is there ANYTHING that is not a THOUGHT attaching the YOU to the EXPERIENCE? 

"I" + "thought" + "experience" 

Which one is real? 

Is thought real?

Is experience real? 

Is I real? 

Don't go to quotes or knowledge or maybees... just see for yourself. All that is needed is integrity and honesty of the observing. 

 

 

[abrakamowse]

2 hours ago, Ayla said:

@abrakamowse , please consider this carefully:

In what you currently perceive as YOUR experience, is there ANYTHING that is not a THOUGHT attaching the YOU to the EXPERIENCE? 

"I" + "thought" + "experience" 

Which one is real? 

Is thought real?

Is experience real? 

Is I real? 

Don't go to quotes or knowledge or maybees... just see for yourself. All that is needed is integrity and honesty of the observing. 

 

 

That's right, but it's just a thought that comes to mind.  There are thoughts also about meditating in silence to calm thoughts. Confusion thoughts. More meditation thoughts? Thoughts about feeling trapped in mind.

[Ayla]

@abrakamowse , yes. Let them be. Don't need to interfere there, just to recognize them as such, and look for the thinker of thoughts. Keep Looking until you can identify something that ISN't a thought

[abrakamowse]

Thanks @Ayla !!!!

[Ayla]

Ayla's enjoying the sweet taste of bliss. Noticing the sensations in body and the thoughts passing by like clouds. Not attaching has become natural, cause there's nothing to attach to or from or with.

Ayla's noticing how bliss isn't being pushed against. Even though it comes and goes, exactly like the hell... there's no desire to push it back! Also, exactly how it does for the hell, body reacts heavily to it...mostly tingling ripples! 

****************************************************************************

NOTHING to wish.

NOTHING to solve.

NOTHING to do.

NOTHING to understand. 

NOTHING to fear. 

NOTHING to push against.

NOTHING at all! 

 

 

[abrakamowse]

@Ayla

 

1. Not this not this
2. Not this and this
3. And this and this
4. And neither not this, nor and this.

[Ayla]

..today I have realized that I wasn't even seeing what was right in front of my eyes...  LITERALLY

I've been playing these last 2 days with vision and sounds. I won't get into the story here, but I will share some insights.. :) 
There is a lot of interpreting going on that goes quite un-noticed. Preferences and "programming" formed during time have constructed a "path-way" that contains what is "true" and "acceptable" and anything that strays from that, seems either unacceptable or unreal. It feels like everything becomes "fluid" when really questioned. By fluid, I mean it loses its categorical knowing, its "truth-ness". And once it becomes fluid, it somehow expands. so that it gives room for more questioning. Questioning feels freeing. like a dance, like an opening up of acceptance. Like a relaxation into a truth where "non-truth" is also true... (which frankly doesn't help with moderating a forum like this..aka deciding if there is any type of infringement of rules :D)

What I wasn't (too) aware of, is that the SENSES have constructed prisons also. I worked with ideas and concepts and "mental programming" a lot, but haven't realized experientialy that what we seem to feel, see, hear, etc, is just another INTERPRETATION or translation of some (limited) organ's input by mind... and not the REALITY.

This is yet another layer of "dropping it". What has just dropped today, enough for not being absolute truth anymore, is "depth", "further", "away", "right", "left", "up there", "down here", "back", "front"...  

The deep implication of this, is that what is really seen, is that there is no central unit that is positioned in time/space.... 

"What you're looking for is where you're looking from" ... seems to have an even deeper level of meaning now. 

 

[Ayla]

Awww 

 

[Ayla]

Life who is playing as unhappy persons, playing itself, mesmerized as a someone being in the body, imagining, dancing into deprivation or pain, imagining being more this and less that, as this and/or that, only because something perceives another as separate.. 

Hearing and seeing and feeling.... different parts of energy and particles seen as "another", as friends or competitors... Thought-forms playing with other thoughts, searching something...refusing to calm down into just realizing what it already is there, already seeing forever! 

Who am I to wish that life would see or play differently? Just wishing arising, contemplating another unfolding of what is.. smiling at it. 

Yes.... I do wish you all knew and understood how beautiful you are.... playing life wishing.

 

[Ayla]

Whenever something is happening - I hear or read and idea - that I perceive to be "wrong" or "bad" or "not true" etc, it is like a bell that announces a big opportunity for me to look into what is the opinion/belief I still hold, that separates that happening from the perfection of life. 

There are still happenings that do not feel like interacting with though, and I looked into that for a while. Best metaphor I can come up with is, if you step on a dog's tail, it will yell. If you step on it long enough, it will even instinctively bite...and in the end, whenever it will see or hear you, it will run away. Such it is here: life is spontaneously choosing how to interact in certain situations...

The way it is happening here, is that there's no more appetite for drama. All is flowing towards acceptance of what is.

Life playing itself under different masks, pretending it is this or that.. at times more convincing than other times. Also life, manifesting as acceptance of both "truth" and "non-truth" being valid at the same time, only because they are being manifested. 

Not striving is yet another aspect of this. Not trying, not willing, not desiring. Just embracing, receiving, opening. 

[Ayla]

My FIRST glimpse - written 18 months ago  hehe... "if truth is always HERE, it must be here at any moment"

Quote

Journey

The 1st of October 2014, a new life has begun. I am awake, alive and kicking!

 

• There is no reality. There are only reflections of our actions turning back to us in various forms: people, situations, feelings. ALL that we experience was created at a given point in time, so that we are brought here and now. Yes, we are where we’re supposed to be so that our “destiny” of choice materializes.

• We are part all of the divine spirit: omnipotent - omnipresent - omniscient - no matter the name you give him (God, Allah, Buddha, etc)

• Our definitions, our beliefs and our personality prevent us from understanding our divinity. . One judges ALL by one’s mental state, one’s emotions and one’s cultural imprints. These translate into fears that push us and desires that carry us. OURS! Whereas we’re all part of a divine spirit which gave us life, we keep rejecting each other, killing each other, stealing from one another - just look at the newspapers and see that we go straight into the wall, taking the planet with us!!!!

So how did we end up here?????

For me, the answer came naturally: we don’t listen to ourselves (Our SELF)!

The BODY - a splendid, perfect machine, able to keep us alive for more than a hundred years, gives us signs that we usually don’t listen to. The body speaks to us in various ways: “I want chocolate, but I will make diabetes if I eat too much of it”. Are you sure???? My opinion is that it’s not the sugar that will give you diabetes, but your own belief. The brain obeys information that you give it. It quite simply will act as you dictate to it. So if for you sugar brings diabetes and you continue to give it sugar while knowing (believing) you will get diabetes, you will indeed get it! The body tells us very clearly when to stop. This deep internal voice tells us the moment we put the X-th chocolate square into our mouth that we should stop. This "X-th" is personal and it comes from OUR BELIEFS! It is when one chooses not to listen to this small voice that the disease starts setting in! Have you ever wondered why there are people that smoke all their 100 years life and others that die of lung cancer at 30? This refusal to listen to our body is strongly influenced by our emotional wounds. The more they shout inside us, the more we need to use something to conceal them! (sugar, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, sex, etc).

Here are other types of communications coming from the body: “I must go pee” (but I wait another 10 minutes), “this bra hurts me” (but I keep it on to look beautiful), “I am hungry” (but I do not want to get fat), “My eyes hurt” (but I continue to look at computer or TV screens), “I have a bad back pain” (but I continue to remain sitting in an uncomfortable position), etc!

This is how we let the exterior (our culture, beliefs, desires) take control of our perfect body which, at a given time, crumbles!

The BRAIN – one of the most powerful computers. We spend our life making scenarios (still according to our beliefs, our culture, our education), thinking we have the capacity to perceive and control all that surrounds us, with our minds. We’re desperately trying to control external parameters, while saying to ourselves most of the time: “I don’t know", "I cannot", "it is impossible", "this will not do", "that will not hold”, etc!

And all this has led us where? Exactly where we concentrated our thoughts! Absolutely everything that we think becomes our reality. The horror it is that we are in a polarity which imprisons us: good/bad, positive/negative, good/bad, beautiful/ugly, whereas we are PERFECT sparks of incarnated divine!

Not only are all these concepts personal, but they carry us out towards an even larger polarity, transforming us into a kind of pendulum that never stops: we pass our life judging the world in comparison to ourselves!

The solution is to be centered, to seek inside our Self the right and stable balance, in a form of the small divine spark which separates us from death. Following acceptance of who we are, of the divine that is inside us, we can see that we all come from ONENESS. Once our interest moves inside, the work of integration can start. It is not positive thinking; the positive is nothing more than the opposite of the negative. It is just another definition learned by various experiments and individual perceptions. Knowing oneself is knowledge of what we need in order to evolve, not as our ego or our entourage or status commands, but that of our spirit.

An exercise that I often do to drive away the ego is the following: whenever I need to take a decision, I wonder what would some member of an ancient tribe would make of my choice? What would they think about my decision? TRUTH - is universal, it doesn't depend on status or culture, or personal beliefs! 

 

The EMOTIONS - There are two types of emotions: those that we’d like to keep with us forever: joy, love, pleasure, and those that make us run and hide as fast as possible - we call them “negative”! The more one has desires and beliefs, the less one will have “positive” emotions. We are here to make errors by reconstituting the puzzle of our life. Nature and natural give us the bigger picture: the one we see on the top cover of this puzzle box, that is our life, our gift. The more we concentrate on the details, on the little piece we are so stubbornly trying to place where and when we want, the less chance we have of following gracefully the flow of the bigger picture integrating us all.

What prevents us from accepting life as it is?

FEAR! For me it is one of our most faithful and older companions of life.

When a woman learns that she’s pregnant, at the same time as she experiences joy, her fear begins to blossom: “Will the child be normal and in good health? Will all go well? Will she be able to gracefully assume this role?” As soon as the baby’s born: “Does she/he have 10 fingers? Is she/he well? ” Throughout our childhood, we are taught what fear is by others’ reactions. “If you run, you will fall. Do not leave without your jacket, you will get a cold. If you don’t get an education, you will not have a job”, etc.

Therefore, fear is our nightmare which is most difficult to make disappear. It is the first and most imprinted within us. My way of managing fear is to let it run through me. To feel it deep inside of me, keeping in mind that this fear came to teach me something: where my attachments lie and what I must learn to let go of in order to be free. Once integrated, as if by miracle, it disappears. It quite simply doesn't have any more power over me.

There is an alternative of acuter fear, which is anguish or panic attack. I treat it with the EFT (emotional freedom technique), which does miracles, or i simply remind myself to breath calmly in my solar plexus! Try this while smiling. It is simply miraculous!

GUILT! It is again the close entourage that teaches us guilt. Whereas we came to Earth to create and express our divine individuality, we are “formatted” as from childhood by guilt. “You spilled food on the tablecloth! You broke the bicycle! You made me cry! You did not have high grades! ”, etc. We are “being bad,” guilty of everything that doesn't go according to external – often conflicting - plans. Once we learned what it was, we put more culpability on our backs, until we become devoured by guilt, which prevents us from seeing clearly and from advancing gracefully in life.

To leave the guilt circle, I think continuously that I am where I should be; that I do/did what and how I judged suitable at that time. Most important is to not forget that there is no destination, but an everyday voyage taken with compassion, love, self care, acceptance and joy. All these things give me an exit point from the “mouse wheel” I’m sometimes spinning on!

I had SUCH a hard time letting go of my (false) beliefs that I have hurt such or such person, but finally I realized that I do not know and I do not have any means of controlling other people’s experiences in life! It is not among my attributes to understand what another person came to experience. I finally understood that I appeared and have had an influence in this other person’s life, because they needed to experience what “I did to him/her” for their evolution path.

An exercise that could help is to choose a very high building and to go up onto the first floor. Look outside! Write down what you see/feel/believe and/or take a picture. Then, go up 5 floors and look again. You will see that many things have changed! Go up 5 floors more … and take it all in again… and again. The higher we place our awareness, the more we understand the harmony of things from a wider perception. It is long and often arduous work, but that helps to get rid of several things: the belief that we know and control all events and people, the “savior complex”, where one can do everything to “fix” others whereas our own life is a disaster. That also helps to understand and accept death: ours or others.

DESIRE! The desire of anything which is external to us brings with it the outcome of being disappointed. EVERYTHING happening to us should rather be taken in as a means to develop our spirituality, our humanity, our personal path in life. Even if we perceive what comes to us as “negative”, therefore contrary to our desires, we should understand and integrate it (the event, the person, the situation) as a power intended to point out where our development needs work. If not, we would not even perceive it in our reality. It is when one gracefully accepts anything as being what is needed, that person is on the path of the light: happy in any circumstance, just because it arrives, just due to the fact that it EXISTS!
Desire, for me, makes it that all becomes imperfect. Together with fear and culpability, it forms the illusion which is our daily nightmare, until the moment of the awakening, or our death!

 

How do i now perceive my reality?

There is a ray of light in life which is always at my side!

It is this light that made me make decisions, take pathways, and finally made me understand that I lived in a kind of mirage, shared by people of the same vibration as me.

It was the feeling of turning in circles that awoke me! Thereafter, I finally understood that I am a spirit which borrowed a “vehicle” (my body) to materialize the divinity, and it is always this light drawing me towards the discovery of this part of divine that animates me. It is not a search, but a deep vital need to remove that which is superfluous (opinions, points of view, comparisons, polarities, etc).

ALL WE’RE EXPERIENCING is designed so that this destiny, the one we chose before incarnation, is fulfilled! ALL OF IT: The experiences, the people, the feelings, the choices, etc. It took me much time and much energy to realize that I am WHERE I MUST BE!

The perfection is in the spirit and the divinity. Here, it’s just a school where one learns, where errors are made, where one meets people and experiences which will help achieve a higher vibration and create more expansion.

Misfortune and happiness are, yet again, only definitions.

In reality, there is only one truth: WE ARE!

[Ayla]

Today I've been looking into this pull to share. 

There is no other to share with. This is just manifestation of consciousness, of innocence to surround itself with peace. It arises out of itself for itself. Like one of those fountains in the middle of an old European city. Giving itself force to rise and allowing itself to fall, equally beautiful. And it will go on as long as it wants to go on.

There is no THIS that is more THIS than THIS. No contest, no more or less. There's nothing to compete against. Nothing to merge into. It is THIS looking at itself in the form of colored light. 

Child. 

[Ayla]

"Can anyone ever know how many stalks there are in a rice field? 

How many turns in a river?

How many layers in a cloud?

Can anyone sweep the leaves of a forest, and tell the wind not to shake the trees anymore?

How many leaves must an earthworm eat to make a dress of colors from the past?

How much rain must fall from the sky before the ocean overflows?

How many years must the moon have before it becomes old?"

(from a movie called Three Seasons) 

[Ayla]

Little rant about meditation. 

I shall start by saying that I have not meditated one single hour in my life. Every time I sat down to do it, my back would ache, my nose would itch, phone would ring, neighbor would come.. even the stray cat that comes and goes to my house would come and sit in my lap the minute I started... so yeah.

That being said, my whole life became a sort of a contemplation. Not one minute of my life, starting about 18 months or so was dedicated to anything else but the urge to freedom and TRUTH. No matter the situation I was in, my main goal was to distance myself from the thoughts that came, and see them for what they were. 

What has helped me was first and foremost, this thirst, this hunger for TRUTH! Life has put Ayla in a situation where it was finding TRUTH, or nothing. Over and over and over and over again for the last hummmmm.... 10 years? Until FINALLY I listened!

What I used to disentangle from thoughts: 

• Noah Elkrief's videos in times of "apparent" emergency - everything that seems to come, is a thought
• Leo's videos for giving "food to mind" - better the thoughts are about this than that, right? 
• Byron Katie's WORK - "is this true?" "can you absolutely know that it's true?" - turn every phrase around in as many ways possible
• "The Artist's Way" book - write down, first thing in the morning, everything that comes up, no matter how dull and stupid
• I have also done a process described in Michael Brown's book - "The Presence Process" - very powerful 10 weeks process "not about feeling better but about getting better at feeling"

So no, I cannot say from my own experience that meditation is the key. From what I hear it CAN BE, but it is not the only one. If the urge, the thirst, the pull is as strong as it was in this here, any tools that you find yourself using over and over again, will get you to the proper door. 

I should also maybe say that apart from listening to Mooji videos on YouTube, a little bit of this or the other E-teacher, I have not read a single book on it, not went to retreats, seminars, etc. Pure, sheer pain has brought me where I am. This is how pain has stopped being the enemy. This is how fear left me. 

What is left here, is NOT pure bliss. That also comes and goes. What's left is a honest basking in whatever comes this way. Still working in what I like to call "too solid to raise through to heaven's gates"

Hope this helps someone... 

[electroBeam]

@Ayla May I ask why did you decide to find truth? What made you so hungry for truth? Was it a past experience? An insight? Pain/dissatisfaction?