Confused About People Pleasing

[thetrut11]

@sgn Hey wassup!

 

Putting other people before yourself is the most stupid thing you can do, and i'm telling you this because of my personal experience. During years i tried to please another persons like for example doing things that i really didn't wanted to do, or saying yes when i wanted to say no, etc.. but even tho i did all this things for the persons i felt like crap inside myself, so i came to the realization that people in general doesn't give a fuck about you (apart from family and your truest friends). From my experience ppl are just thinking in their individual desires and happiness, so i started to do all that but for MYSELF, i distanced from a lot of people and started to grow my self, how? accepting myself, loving myself, pleasing myself, knowing myself, and i started to act aligned with my feelings and what MADE ME FEEL GOOD. Maybe it can sound selfish but the moment i started to change and focus more in my insider rather than the outside i really started to live.

[Random User]

@sgn Definitely clones.

[sgn]

@Random User Lol  Yes.

[sgn]

@hinawashi

On 2017-06-21 at 6:22 AM, hinawashi said:

@sgn The way I see it, is that you're letting too many cooks into the kitchen. A people-pleaser is someone who lets other people run their lives.

One quick way to get a taste of your authentic self is to pretend that nothing you do will matter anymore. Suppose that everyone would just give you approval for doing absolutely nothing. I know it sounds completely crazy but just roll with it on this mental exercise. Now just pretend that's true. Would you go and please people anymore?

If your answer is yes, that would be excellent news, because that would be an authentic desire to care about people.

If your answer is no, then your people-pleasing tendencies stem from your selfishness. Not only that you'd be selfish by focusing on people's approval, you also would be repressing your selfishness by what pleasing others and giving an image of being selfless.

You see, the difference between pleasing people and genuinely caring about people is where their approval lies. If it's your goal the whole time, that means your self-image is relying on that approval and as soon as that's taken away (which is why I used the above mental exercise to imagine such a scenario), it would fall apart and that's why you fear that people wouldn't care about you if you stopped pleasing them.

Hope this helps!

I see. Well is the goal most of the time I guess. But I can also feel some compassion for people. I think I would still feel I wanted to be nice to people even if I was approved of no matter what.

[sgn]

20 hours ago, thetrut11 said:

@sgn Hey wassup!

 

Putting other people before yourself is the most stupid thing you can do, and i'm telling you this because of my personal experience. During years i tried to please another persons like for example doing things that i really didn't wanted to do, or saying yes when i wanted to say no, etc.. but even tho i did all this things for the persons i felt like crap inside myself, so i came to the realization that people in general doesn't give a fuck about you (apart from family and your truest friends). From my experience ppl are just thinking in their individual desires and happiness, so i started to do all that but for MYSELF, i distanced from a lot of people and started to grow my self, how? accepting myself, loving myself, pleasing myself, knowing myself, and i started to act aligned with my feelings and what MADE ME FEEL GOOD. Maybe it can sound selfish but the moment i started to change and focus more in my insider rather than the outside i really started to live.

zuuuuuuuuuuuuup?

Thank you. It helps.

[sgn]

This article was interesting:

http://www.cultivatingheroes.com/32/the-selfish-fear-of-hurting-others

[Sevi]

5 hours ago, sgn said:

This article was interesting:

http://www.cultivatingheroes.com/32/the-selfish-fear-of-hurting-others

Great article. Thanks.