Post-mediation Stoicism

[beatlemantis]

After meditating, I've noticed that I reach a very indifferent, quiet demeanor. My head is heavy, my words few (I'm a newbie who is trying to undue years and years of "unmeditative" thinking patterns, so I tend to have "rough" sessions).

On the surface-level this makes sense, and I don't mind it, but I feel incredibly detached while socializing. Since I'm already prone to lack of connection with other people, adding this on top of it tends to make me feel rejected and outcast - especially since these moods drive close family members away from interacting with me. And vise versa. 

So, is this just me clinging onto the validation of those who aren't interested in these meditative states, or this path in general? Am I actually doing well if a distance is bridged between us? Am I just hosting poor meditation sessions? 

I just don't have many people who get me - and making those who do feel isolated from me really brings me down. I keep wondering if I'm taking the right path by continuing my meditation practice the way I have been, or if enhancing/modifying my experience is just playing into this mask of understanding that is most of my social interactions.

I'd love to hear any thoughts on this. Thanks for reading. 

[ajasatya]

@beatlemantis hello. i've been where you are and i know how it feels.

you need to embrace life with more courage. meet new people, usually people that you were taught not to get in touch with.

throw yourself in the artistic context. painting, dancing, acting. become more human by being able to reach your pain.

you're facing your own limitations. society taught you to live in a prison. but it's your fault to let be taught. now, be a responsible adult.

[phoenix666]

I can relate to this. 

you can fix this either externally, which I did the first time when I encountered this problem, or internally. The easy way is the one I chose a  little more than a year ago. I continued with my meditation practice and general with PD, but took it less seriously. My focus was on what was going on outside. I felt a need to connect with people and so I did. I eventually found someone I fell deeply for and we started a relationship. at that point meditation and PD were not important for me anymore. I was completely engulfed in my connection with this other person. It was good for a month. Then it was just a spiral downwards. I realized my need to connect was fueled by fear. (fear of being alone maybe, or I was running away from the emptiness) I was needy. Filling that emptiness with another person wasn't going to fix the root cause. Needless to say that the whole thing ended in a painful mess. 

That falling on my ass was exactly what I needed; a real wake up call. I started my whole journey one more time and this time I wanted to fix this problem at the root cause. I feel distant from people from time to time and have no real desire to connect. Sometimes I end up having a nice chat anyway. but I recognize it for what it is. chit chat, icing on the cake. Really deep conversations are very rare, you can't force them. When I happen to stumble into one of them, I try to savor them and am so grateful. 

You can't run away from the emptiness inside of you. you have to face it if you really want to grow.

 

[beatlemantis]

9 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

 

you need to embrace life with more courage.

Made me swell up. Very resonate of my life as I've contorted it with my own self-doubts. Thank you for your response. 

[beatlemantis]

@phoenix666 Went through something really similar to this, had an outbreak of apathy after months of a needy self-actualized path, it drove me away from my journey and started me from the bare beginnings again... I'm glad it did, and I'm sure you can agree on that. Focusing more time on that pit in your stomach that's constantly sought to be filled by frequent conversations and positive reinforcement won't reach the real, hard internal stuff. How did you face this emptiness on your journey? 

Thanks so much for your input.

[phoenix666]

@beatlemantis absolutely glad, looking back it was exactly what I needed. This horrific relationship showed me exactly what I've always ignored or tried to fill with other friendships, sex, love etc. this inherent emptiness. the fear of ending up alone and finally the bitter realization I had after we broke up: I am alone, all alone, now and forever. everything will fade. 

I am facing it right now, I've been working on it the past couple of weeks. a lot of meditation, self inquiry, contemplation, journaling. also the forum has helped me a lot. writing your insights and progress down also helps to get things out of your system, it helps detaching from them. 

I also experimented with shrooms. they showed me my biggest fear and made me face it. 

I just try to turn inward instead of trying to fill my inner void with other people.

Edited June 20, 2017 by phoenix666

[beatlemantis]

@phoenix666 Awesome. That's all super straightforward and I think really needed for me right now. So cool you were able to clear that up for me. Appreciate it Good luck with your inner demons!

Edited June 20, 2017 by beatlemantis

[phoenix666]

@beatlemantis thank you very much. good luck on your journey! remember to face the dragon, don't run away from it

[Moreira]

When you have a regular meditative habit you relate to others from the true self. That means no EGO driven purposes like: validation, "cover contracts", zero neediness, no fake.

So you will not fall into the convention/norms of chit-chat, meaningless relationships... you'll be making genuine relations only with the people that you resonate the most at a spiritual level.

Edited June 21, 2017 by Moreira

[beatlemantis]

@Moreira That's really encouraging to hear, thank you.