Getting Things Further With A Crush

[Guest Annetta]

@Fidelio She was probably angry at you for calling her a troll.

[Guest Annetta]

@Nichols Harvey I have.

[Key Elements]

I know two couples who are married for years, with children - met at work. Not all couples will end in disappointment / disaster just because they met at work. There are always two sides to the same coin. 

[Guest Annetta]

@Key Elements Hopefully you're right, makes me happy seeing couples get together.
Good luck @ElenaO !
@Fidelio Mr. Meowgi.

[Kimasxi]

On 19.06.2017 at 9:01 PM, ElenaO said:

 But, honestly, I do feel like I do not know what to do. 

Darling, you know what? You are falling in love with him more and more because of that tension and uncertainty. I read an article somewhere that these thing are what fuels the process. So you invest emotionally more and more, you hope something exciting will happen etc.
1. This hope is adictive.

2. You don't live in the now (Eckhart Tolle)

3. What if I tell you that it may so happen that the guy does not want you? And you are already invested in him so much? It happened to me 2 days ago. I had been waiting for 5 months. 

There should be a point where the tension is too much, and you get angry for not reaching the dissolution, and then you will tell him.

But because my expierence was well… unpleasant, I recommend you giving up on him. When you give up on him and cry for the loss, it will be easier for you to handle rejection in the future. Yes, I suggest giving up on him in order to change your mind again and confront him but this time from a  non-needy place.

[sheenp24]

@Emerald I agree with giving subtle invites, they work! But I'll say this, a guy finds more substance in a situations that they have to work for. It can be very risky to pour on feeling too quickly with a man because a guy's emotions are typically stalled to a certain degree; in general, men are not as emotional as women so you have to slowly get a guy acclimated to those bold emotional expressions by subtly expressing interest and letting him work for the rest; in turn, it gives him time to develop more of an emotional connection and he'll be able to handle those expressions as opposed to running away. Not saying this applies to all situations but it does to many.

[Emerald]

7 minutes ago, sheenp24 said:

@Emerald I agree with giving subtle invites, they work! But I'll say this, a guy finds more substance in a situations that they have to work for. It can be very risky to pour on feeling too quickly with a man because a guy's emotions are typically stalled to a certain degree; in general, men are not as emotional as women so you have to slowly get a guy acclimated to those bold emotional expressions by subtly expressing interest and letting him work for the rest; in turn, it gives him time to develop more of an emotional connection and he'll be able to handle those expressions as opposed to running away. Not saying this applies to all situations but it does to many.

I'm not talking about extreme invites. I'm talking about like a smile or a few seconds of eye contact. Something that could easily just be the woman being nice and pleasant. I'm not talking about a come-hither kind of look of anything that definitively shows interest. But for me personally, I don't really like to be cold approached at all beyond feeling slightly flattered by it. So, if I don't want a guy to approach and I suspect that he's going to, I will avoid eye contact and try to look pre-occupied with something else.  Most times, it feels a lot like being approached by a sales-person trying to sell me a product. Like a person at a perfume counter that you just kind of walk by them and think "Gosh... don't notice me." But there have occasionally been times where I thought a guy was attractive that I wanted to spark up a conversation with, and the eye contact method sometimes works. But overall on the personal level, if I haven't known the guy for a little while and already have budding feelings, there's very little chance that I'll be able to conjure up enough attraction to them to compel me to go out with that person. 

[Lord Bwyra]

@ElenaO So what happened?

[egoeimai]

3 hours ago, Lord Bwyra said:

@ElenaO So what happened?

I quess that it doesnt matter anymore!  ? I dont know 

[Richard Alpert]

On ‎22‎.‎6‎.‎2017 at 3:03 PM, ElenaO said:

I mean that it doesn't feel natural and I would feel like I am pushing it. 
Besides, maybe we aren't that close yet, after all. That's why it does feel weird to ask him out. Maybe it does feel same to him. 

Don´t believe your mind.

What can you lose by asking him out? Nothing.

I was just on a date with maybe the hottest customer i have had in 6 years. I didn´t expect her to accept the date, but i asked and received

[Lord Bwyra]

As a male from and living in Finland (i'm 34, good looking, smart, funny, artist, blablbalblaa) I have to say that the cultural stereotypes ElenaO referred to are kind of bullshit. I mean yes to some degree they are true that people are more reserved here but it's not really different here compared to anywhere. Depends what kind of "normalcy" you choose to believe in.

Finland is a myth. Finnish people are a myth.

Just humans on earth. Surviving, education, health, eating, shitting, pissing, ejaculating, drinking, working, paying the bills, etc. Some of us want more than that. MUCH more. We want perfection. Enlightenment. Truth. God. Love. And we will look for those things in a myriad ways whether it's drugs, materialism, sex, yoga, music, family or whatever.

I've travelled a lot. Lived in many different countries and continents. On a surface level there is some cultural differences. But overrall humans are pretty similar wherever we go. And again what most people think they want on a surface level is often in conflict with what they REALLY want on a reptilian level AND from a higher consciousness point of view. When we can see how these converge we start getting to a higher plane.

Sex + Love = fucking nuclear bomb of potential. This is so powerful, you can't imagine it because it goes where thoughts are not allowed. Or take a good hit of DMT. Same effect without all the failure and personal growth needed to even get what I'm saying. So in that sense drugs/meds are kind of cheating but they do give us a good glimpse.

For example, Elena mentioned the following earlier in this thread:

I thought it's quite obvious what I want from him. What does a girl usually want?  A relationship. 

Right.

But why do you want that? That's not what you really want.

Why would you want a relationship with a guy you don't even know nor have slept with? This is a lot of unnecessary burden to put on an interaction with a person you just think is "hot".

You want him sexually and that's the main desire fueling the 'socially accepted' girl talk horseshit of "i want a relationship". That's why you think he's hot and he has a great body. And you are deeply attracted to him. You probably even fantasize about him which is completely healthy. And if you're a healthy, attractive, smart girl, he will feel the same. I don't mean this in some porn fantasy way as guys love to think but you want him inside your mind and body and to see if he might be the one (which is another erroneous concept i wont get into here).

But something is off here...

Why isn't he making a move on you?

That's what I don't get.

Maybe he's gay.
Maybe he's shy.
Maybe he doesn't like you.

Or maybe he's just not the man you think he is.

There's only one way to find out. ONLY ONE. Forget all the other ones even if they exist (because they offer zero growth potential).

Take control. If he doesn't want to play with you, it will be good to know. You can even ask him why and who knows become great friends. It's always great to have friends around who we can actually be HONEST with. Does anyone have any of those? People who dont tolerate our bullshit?

And this thread and all your comments seem to point to a higher truth which is actually much more interesting and deeper than what you think your issue is (not sure what to do to take things to the next level).

You are procrastinating.
You are afraid.

So lets cut the shit. Stop defending your bullshit.

What are you afraid of?
Perhaps it's being labelled a slut if you ask him out or sleep with him or tell HIM that you think he's hot.

Maybe. But what the hell.

You're a young girl with needs. And wants.

Some of those needs/wants are primitive (biology) and some are divine (goddess).

Remember, this website is Self-Actualization.

Not cosmopolitan.

So be real. Stop with the bullshit and lies.

No it's not bad that you started this thread except for your ego.  

I'm really glad you started this thread. It's uncomfortable and you can feel that discomfort in your body. You even gave up on it because people here love to feed each other's bullshit (i've noticed). So why did you and everyone abandon it? What's with all these abandoned threads on here? Sometimes this place feels like a ghost town. I want some resolution at least or admittance to failure. I'm a failure, we all fail. Lets stop kidding ourselves and trying to be perfect all the time. We are all horny idiots deep down, looking for love.

So yeah... time to grow up and become the woman you are. Most women are just as weak as most men. And then they start dating...

Those kind of people bore me who want to play these soap opera games. I want to find REAL men and women. Men for friendship and women to love and fuck and create new life with. And what the hell, maybe even switch it up now and then so I'm the woman

Anyways, we need more Cleopatras in this world. Not women trying to be men (or vice versa). No not at all.
I mean girls becoming WOMEN and boys becoming MEN.

Woman who want to nurture Earth and all the little boys looking for mommy.

Otherwise we are just dumb children running around with barbie dolls and sandcastles and our little penises flapping around and shoes on backwards. That's what most people are. They are lost and lonely and just want to suck on mommy's titty (and the governments or public opinions) and running through puddles with shit and piss running down their legs so that we have shit and piss and cum everywhere and these kids play tag and get crushes on other barbiedoll kids and when they are old enough and drunk enough, they fuck and have more stupid kids until they're all grandparents who are still kids playing with dolls and legos with a boring life to look back on. That's what we have now and that's what it's always been. I'm here to change that and light the planet up with some god damned inspiration and justice and freedom and beauty.

Figure out what you want in this world.

And then...

TAKE IT.

No fucks given.
Leave the false labels for losers who love being normal and mediocre.

And stop having crushes. Those are for 10 year old little girls.

Grow up.

I want to encourage madness and wildness and genius and brilliance in everyone I come across, here and elsewhere. That's my life's mission. And if you give me even a hint or spark or trace of blood on my scent.  I will hunt you down like a shark going in for the kill. Or like Bruce Springsteen (listen to I'm On Fire), depends how you wanna look at it.

Now Elena, before you tell me how I don't understand you at all, listen to this song:

And of course I'm aware that you might've already made a move. That's why i asked earlier what happened. So curious to know what did happen or if anything happened.

Just some friendly chit chat

That's all.

I would say something highly inappropriate in Finnish now but out of respect to Leo's rules, I'm not gonna do that.

Enjoy your day little girl.

[ElenaO]

On 15/08/2017 at 9:32 AM, Lord Bwyra said:

 

As a male from and living in Finland (i'm 34, good looking, smart, funny, artist, blablbalblaa) I have to say that the cultural stereotypes ElenaO referred to are kind of bullshit. I mean yes to some degree they are true that people are more reserved here but it's not really different here compared to anywhere. Depends what kind of "normalcy" you choose to believe in.

Finland is a myth. Finnish people are a myth.

Just humans on earth. Surviving, education, health, eating, shitting, pissing, ejaculating, drinking, working, paying the bills, etc. Some of us want more than that. MUCH more. We want perfection. Enlightenment. Truth. God. Love. And we will look for those things in a myriad ways whether it's drugs, materialism, sex, yoga, music, family or whatever.

I've travelled a lot. Lived in many different countries and continents. On a surface level there is some cultural differences. But overrall humans are pretty similar wherever we go. And again what most people think they want on a surface level is often in conflict with what they REALLY want on a reptilian level AND from a higher consciousness point of view. When we can see how these converge we start getting to a higher plane.

Sex + Love = fucking nuclear bomb of potential. This is so powerful, you can't imagine it because it goes where thoughts are not allowed. Or take a good hit of DMT. Same effect without all the failure and personal growth needed to even get what I'm saying. So in that sense drugs/meds are kind of cheating but they do give us a good glimpse.

For example, Elena mentioned the following earlier in this thread:

I thought it's quite obvious what I want from him. What does a girl usually want?  A relationship. 

Right.

But why do you want that? That's not what you really want.

Why would you want a relationship with a guy you don't even know nor have slept with? This is a lot of unnecessary burden to put on an interaction with a person you just think is "hot".

You want him sexually and that's the main desire fueling the 'socially accepted' girl talk horseshit of "i want a relationship". That's why you think he's hot and he has a great body. And you are deeply attracted to him. You probably even fantasize about him which is completely healthy. And if you're a healthy, attractive, smart girl, he will feel the same. I don't mean this in some porn fantasy way as guys love to think but you want him inside your mind and body and to see if he might be the one (which is another erroneous concept i wont get into here).

But something is off here...

Why isn't he making a move on you?

That's what I don't get.

Maybe he's gay.
Maybe he's shy.
Maybe he doesn't like you.

Or maybe he's just not the man you think he is.

There's only one way to find out. ONLY ONE. Forget all the other ones even if they exist (because they offer zero growth potential).

Take control. If he doesn't want to play with you, it will be good to know. You can even ask him why and who knows become great friends. It's always great to have friends around who we can actually be HONEST with. Does anyone have any of those? People who dont tolerate our bullshit?

And this thread and all your comments seem to point to a higher truth which is actually much more interesting and deeper than what you think your issue is (not sure what to do to take things to the next level).

You are procrastinating.
You are afraid.

So lets cut the shit. Stop defending your bullshit.

What are you afraid of?
Perhaps it's being labelled a slut if you ask him out or sleep with him or tell HIM that you think he's hot.

Maybe. But what the hell.

You're a young girl with needs. And wants.

Some of those needs/wants are primitive (biology) and some are divine (goddess).

Remember, this website is Self-Actualization.

Not cosmopolitan.

So be real. Stop with the bullshit and lies.

No it's not bad that you started this thread except for your ego.  

I'm really glad you started this thread. It's uncomfortable and you can feel that discomfort in your body. You even gave up on it because people here love to feed each other's bullshit (i've noticed). So why did you and everyone abandon it? What's with all these abandoned threads on here? Sometimes this place feels like a ghost town. I want some resolution at least or admittance to failure. I'm a failure, we all fail. Lets stop kidding ourselves and trying to be perfect all the time. We are all horny idiots deep down, looking for love.

So yeah... time to grow up and become the woman you are. Most women are just as weak as most men. And then they start dating...

Those kind of people bore me who want to play these soap opera games. I want to find REAL men and women. Men for friendship and women to love and fuck and create new life with. And what the hell, maybe even switch it up now and then so I'm the woman

Anyways, we need more Cleopatras in this world. Not women trying to be men (or vice versa). No not at all.
I mean girls becoming WOMEN and boys becoming MEN.

Woman who want to nurture Earth and all the little boys looking for mommy.

Otherwise we are just dumb children running around with barbie dolls and sandcastles and our little penises flapping around and shoes on backwards. That's what most people are. They are lost and lonely and just want to suck on mommy's titty (and the governments or public opinions) and running through puddles with shit and piss running down their legs so that we have shit and piss and cum everywhere and these kids play tag and get crushes on other barbiedoll kids and when they are old enough and drunk enough, they fuck and have more stupid kids until they're all grandparents who are still kids playing with dolls and legos with a boring life to look back on. That's what we have now and that's what it's always been. I'm here to change that and light the planet up with some god damned inspiration and justice and freedom and beauty.

Figure out what you want in this world.

And then...

TAKE IT.

No fucks given.
Leave the false labels for losers who love being normal and mediocre.

And stop having crushes. Those are for 10 year old little girls.

Grow up.

I want to encourage madness and wildness and genius and brilliance in everyone I come across, here and elsewhere. That's my life's mission. And if you give me even a hint or spark or trace of blood on my scent.  I will hunt you down like a shark going in for the kill. Or like Bruce Springsteen (listen to I'm On Fire), depends how you wanna look at it.

Now Elena, before you tell me how I don't understand you at all, listen to this song:

And of course I'm aware that you might've already made a move. That's why i asked earlier what happened. So curious to know what did happen or if anything happened.

Just some friendly chit chat

That's all.

I would say something highly inappropriate in Finnish now but out of respect to Leo's rules, I'm not gonna do that.

Enjoy your day little girl.

I love that you are honest here. And I agree that I didn't have the balls to ask him out. 
I also realize that I don't actually want a relationship with him. Or at least not at that point. I figured it out after I wrote it. I really do not know him to decide on that so early.
I can say that I've failed. I would have to get enough courage to ask him out and maybe I am just way too comfortable with the way things are.
Good points there and I do appreciate your opinion. 

[Raquel]

I think you are being too carefull for no reason... 

I have no patience for games and go around in circles. Ye are two adults. You know whats happening and he also knows it, so just be honest. If he is conscious enough he will see that truth is the most attractive thing in a person.

Give yourself some real focus, be fully present, detach from the conditioning of that interaction and see it from what really is. Rather than from a emotional and wavy state of mind. Than your intuition will know what to do exactly with no doubts..

Edited August 24, 2017 by Raquel

[Wind]

On 6/17/2017 at 9:12 AM, ElenaO said:

@egoeimai so anything would do?  
@Toby I thought it's quite obvious what I want from him. What does a girl usually want?  A relationship. 

Just go for a kiss when you are alone, or do or say other naughty thing, and let the mind-blowing sex roll out from that. Guys are highly sexual and we base our choices very much on the quality of sex.

Other practical thing you could do, like Emerald said, is to simply ask him out. I remember my ex, after our first meet-up/date, texted me this one day (and this is an exact quote): "Ok it may be embarrassing for me to make a move and u can turn me down! But, do u have time this weekend by any chance?" And I was really excited when she told this. We men like when girls are proactive. More women should do this.

Also, this women dating coach seem to have some good points: