Getting Things Further With A Crush

[rakuul]

10 hours ago, ElenaO said:

Maybe he's not that into me, after all. 

 

Is not this your fear of rejection talking now?

If you do not know something to be the case then making an assumption out of fear of finding the truth of that matter is going to diminish your self-esteem. 

That is why I suggested total honesty in this situation. Honesty with yourself and with others is the only way that you could fundamentally connect with yourself and the others. 

[egoeimai]

 

6 hours ago, Will said:

Was this genuine?? possibly use a different word..??

It's honest. I mean it. We love him with his flaws. We forgive him.

 

[Toby]

If you cannot say it, you can text him. Just say that you like him, that you like spending time with him and that you would like to be intimate with him and that you don't know if this works out between you but you would like to give it a shot. And then ask if he is interested in that. Keep it a bit vague and don't try to force promises or commitments out of him. Maybe he is interested to explore and deepen your relationship as well, but no one can promise a relationship or even sex. You cannot know how things develop or might feel once you become more physical.

[Will]

@Pinocchio NTO-Dingu  its almost like she is just venting at the situation, she wants him to be a night in shining armour and meet all her egos dreams. I guess she is just frustrated and is here to see if there are any magic pills that exonerate her from the realities of the situation.. 

??

 

[Will]

@egoeimai hahahaha. no one has flaws tho..  Im betting that you felt comppeled to use that word to show him how faulty he was?? What purpose is that.. Like i am trying to tactfully do with you now.. I guess its not trying to teach but more to iluminate? well anyways.. I think ive said enough to try and shine light on this.. I just reckon using words like this, i would seem is more about me than truly helping him see something..

And besides he didnt ask to see his flaws,

And nor did You ask me..

So ill just get back in my box

 

[egoeimai]

@Will are you okay tho? It's your projection. I didn't mean to hurt anyone. Sorry if you felt that way,but it's not true for me. If it was for you,then.....well...okay! 

Everybody has flaws. We are humans.

[Will]

3 hours ago, egoeimai said:

We forgive him

To be fair, it is what it is, and all is perfect and nothing needs to be forgiven..

By all means Im not advocating people say  insulting stuff, but it does raise a good point, You felt like that girl needed to be defended and like the other character needed to be punished.. Isnt this the cycle we want to be free of ?? or at least aware of??

I dont know, just my own persoanl exploration..

 

All g..

[Will]

Just now, egoeimai said:

are you okay tho?

Not sure I understand?? did at any point I indicate I had any sort of issue..? Yes your absolutely right Its is my projection.. I am musing about something I saw.. It resonated with me.. By no means do I think i have any answers but it was just interesting to go with it..

[Will]

2 minutes ago, egoeimai said:

I didn't mean to hurt anyone

Who ever consciously does.. well not all the time anyway.. and thats fine too.. I dont want to judge anyones personal intention.. go for it.. I think its great we all can voice our opinions, sometimes others will get hurt. I guess we cant always help that.. sooo. All g..

[egoeimai]

1 minute ago, Will said:

Who ever consciously does.. well not all the time anyway.. and thats fine too.. I dont want to judge anyones personal intention.. go for it.. I think its great we all can voice our opinions, sometimes others will get hurt. I guess we cant always help that.. sooo. All g..

Anyway! ?

[Will]

4 minutes ago, egoeimai said:

Sorry if you felt that way,but it's not true for me. If it was for you,then.....well...okay! 

I think i missed this point.. soz.. 

5 minutes ago, egoeimai said:

Everybody has flaws. We are humans.

Oh yeah for sure from a manifested perspective there is definately polarity and gender and all that good stuff, but I meant from an existential p[erspective,, we need it all.. otherwise the universe would not be infintie.. Thats what i meant..  

[egoeimai]

@Will dude you see, we don't have to agree. Conversations aare good but up to a point is useless. Everybody has his own opinion. Can't fight it. 

[Will]

@egoeimai yeah, i get that But....Im using this a an experiment/ exploration to feel around how I think and perceive things.. Like a gym.. I see things in others and they see things in me . So I am learning heaps, and I hope in gest, the other takes something meaningful too.. 

so thats my point.. I speak mostly for me but I do my best to give value to.. which is nigh on impossible, cos you never know the others receptivity or intent.

[ajasatya]

@ElenaO your suffering comes from trying to make things move faster than they naturally do.

can't you just have fun in a healthy way? practicing patience increases the quality of any relationship.

[ElenaO]

4 hours ago, ajasatya said:

@ElenaO your suffering comes from trying to make things move faster than they naturally do.

can't you just have fun in a healthy way? practicing patience increases the quality of any relationship.

Maybe. I could just go with the flow and see how things turn out. It's just that there's some tension, I feel.

[ElenaO]

19 hours ago, Pinocchio NTO-Dingu said:

@ElenaO Call me nuts, but unless he is a space alien, I don't see why you couldn't just speak plainly. You've known eachother for a while, you enjoy eachothers company, you can interact and speak plainly about other things, so why not this?

Why make it complicated when it's so simple. Would he really want or expect you to jump through all these hoops for him like a trained circus monkey? And for that matter, would you want or expect him to torture himself the same way for you? It sounds like you would.

I'm really asking because a great many people actually do seem to like this stuff. And you conveniently ignored my previous comment, so maybe it was too "easy" for your tastes, I don't know. But if you ask me, it's a huge turnoff. Because if that's how it starts then I already know how it ends.

Not really. I don't like overcomplicating things. The reason I haven't replied to your comment is because it sounded a bit silly. The chances that we live somewhere close are small. Meeting, let alone dating, is just out of question.

[ElenaO]

13 hours ago, Toby said:

If you cannot say it, you can text him. Just say that you like him, that you like spending time with him and that you would like to be intimate with him and that you don't know if this works out between you but you would like to give it a shot. And then ask if he is interested in that. Keep it a bit vague and don't try to force promises or commitments out of him. Maybe he is interested to explore and deepen your relationship as well, but no one can promise a relationship or even sex. You cannot know how things develop or might feel once you become more physical.

Could try that. And yes, I know no one can promise anything.

It seems everyone here thinks that I was born yesterday. It seems so simple to all of you. And I agree, it's not anything out of this world. But, honestly, I do feel like I do not know what to do. 

[ElenaO]

4 minutes ago, Pinocchio NTO-Dingu said:

Make up your mind, woman instead of deflecting every possible angle that people throw at you here because YOU asked for advice.

Make up my mind about what?  now I am missing the point here.

[Arion]

Hm, even as a guy,  I lack experience in this area also. 

I'd say : create more opportunities to be together-  lunch, movie etc. 

Gradually get to know the person better by asking ' deep ' questions and having more intimate conversation :maybe you'll figure out if you really like him ,and he, same with you. 

If your attempts to meet more often are not reciprocated,it's either the guy isn't interested or is pretty shy. 

If he is super hot as you say, Chances are he won't be shy due to mostly having good first experiences with women throughout the years ( I.e girls blushing at him, approaching him etc. )

If he isn't interested, chances are he won't blow you off totally, but may choose friendship instead

 

I think ,other than an all out attack such as ' hey I'm interested in you, are you ?' 

This is the next best option. You all are re two adults, and so,e conclusion will be arrived at as time goes.

 

[ElenaO]

17 hours ago, Arion said:

Hm, even as a guy,  I lack experience in this area also. 

I'd say : create more opportunities to be together-  lunch, movie etc. 

Gradually get to know the person better by asking ' deep ' questions and having more intimate conversation :maybe you'll figure out if you really like him ,and he, same with you. 

If your attempts to meet more often are not reciprocated,it's either the guy isn't interested or is pretty shy. 

If he is super hot as you say, Chances are he won't be shy due to mostly having good first experiences with women throughout the years ( I.e girls blushing at him, approaching him etc. )

If he isn't interested, chances are he won't blow you off totally, but may choose friendship instead

 

I think ,other than an all out attack such as ' hey I'm interested in you, are you ?' 

This is the next best option. You all are re two adults, and so,e conclusion will be arrived at as time goes.

 

Yes, I agree. I'll just continue having a good time. I guess my ego tries to arrive at a solution. That's why there's this tension inside of me. I want it to be resolved already! On the other hand, I don't want to take this direct approach. It just feels weird. I feel intuitively this is not right. Even though most of the people here are suggesting specifically that.