Getting Things Further With A Crush

[ElenaO]

Hey, 
This might sound like a little of a too naive question. However. I will ask anyway. Because I am frustrated and stuck.
I have this super hot guy at work. Whom I obviously really like. Besides, just recently he has started showing some real interest. We went couple of times for lunches alone, just the two of us. He also interacts with me quite some during the day, even though we work in different teams.
 

Anyway, I am interested and he is (my guess) interested. However, neither of us actually moves this further. I feel frustrated, because I don't honestly know how to solve this. I usually get asked out by guys and really rarely do take initiative in my own hands. That doesn't mean I don't try to work at the relationship itself, but I think the guy should be the one really asking me out. Especially, since (I think, I am quite sure I am showing enough signs) he sees that I like him. 

Any suggestions on how to get past this?
 

[Shin]

"It's ok if you're shy, I'll still ride you like a cowboy tonight, let's go !!!"

Something funny that shows him you're ok if he's not ready right now, but that still shows you're super interested.

Edited June 16, 2017 by Shin

[sweater]

Maybe try to get some of your friends to talk to him and tell him that your interested in a non directive way. 

[Prabhaker]

5 hours ago, ElenaO said:

Any suggestions on how to get past this?

You want somebody should come to you and love you. YOU CAN WAIT FOREVER BECAUSE THE OTHER IS ALSO AFRAID. And people who are afraid they become afraid of one thing absolutely, and that is the fear of being rejected. IF I GO AND KNOCK AT YOUR DOOR, THE POSSIBILITY IS YOU MAY REJECT. That rejection will become a wound, so it is better not to go. It is better to remain alone. It is better to move on your own, not to get involved with the other -- because the other can reject.

The moment you approach and take initiative towards love, the first fear comes whether the other will accept you or reject. The possibility is there he may reject, or she may reject. THAT'S WHY WOMEN NEVER TAKE A STEP, THEY ARE MORE FEARFUL. They always wait for the man -- he should come. They always keep the possibility of rejecting or accepting with themselves. They never give the possibility to the other -- because they are more afraid than men.

THEN MANY WOMEN SIMPLY WAIT FOR THEIR WHOLE LIFE. Nobody comes to knock at their door -- because a person who is afraid becomes, in a certain way, so closed that he puts people off. Just reaching nearer, and the afraid person throws such vibrations all around that anybody who is coming closer is put off. The fearful person starts moving; even in the movements...

THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO SIMPLY PUT OFF ANYBODY; anybody who comes closer, they become afraid. And fear is energy just like love, a negative energy. A man who is feeling love bubbles up with a positive energy. When you come closer, as if a magnet is attracting you -- you would like to be with this person.

If fear is your problem, then think about your personality, watch it. You must have closed your doors for love, that's all. OPEN THOSE DOORS!

OF COURSE THERE IS THE POSSIBILITY OF BEING REJECTED. But why be afraid? The other can only say no. FIFTY PERCENT POSSIBILITY OF NO IS THERE, but just because of fifty percent possibility of no, you choose a hundred percent life of no love.

The possibility is there, but why worry? There are so many people. IF ONE SAYS NO, DON'T TAKE IT AS A HURT, don't take it as a wound. Simply take it -- it didn't happen. Simply take it -- the other person didn't feel like moving with you. YOU DIDN'T SUIT TO EACH OTHER. You are different types. HE HAS NOT SAID NO TO YOU REALLY; IT IS NOT PERSONAL. You didn't fit; move ahead!

AND IT IS GOOD BECAUSE THE PERSON HAS SAID NO, because if you don't fit with a person and the person says yes, then you will be in real trouble. You don't know: the other has saved you a whole life of trouble! Thank him or her and move ahead -- because ALL CANNOT SUIT TO ALL.

Don't be afraid of making errors, because if you are afraid of making errors you will not move at all, and you will miss the whole life. IT IS BETTER TO ERR THAN NOT TO DO. It is better to be rejected than simply remaining with yourself, afraid, and not taking any initiative -- BECAUSE THE REJECTION BRINGS THE POSSIBILITY OF ACCEPTANCE; it is the other side of acceptance.

IF SOMEBODY REJECTS, SOMEBODY WILL ACCEPT -- ONE HAS TO GO ON MOVING AND FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON. When right persons meet, something clicks. They are made for each other. They fit together.

Not that there will not be conflicts, not that there will not be moments of anger and fight, no. IF LOVE IS ALIVE, THERE WILL BE CONFLICT ALSO. Sometimes there will be moments of anger also. That simply shows that love is an alive phenomenon. Sometimes sadness... because wherever happiness exists, sadness is bound to be there.

DON'T BE AFRAID OF LOVE. There is only one thing one should be afraid of, and that is fear. Be afraid of fear and never be afraid of anything else, because FEAR CRIPPLES. It is poisonous, it is suicidal. Move! Jump out of it! Do whatsoever you would like, but don't get settled with the fear because that is a negative situation....

So please don't get obsessed with fear. JUST JUMP OUT OF IT AND TAKE A MOVE TOWARDS LOVE. And don't wait because nobody is interested in you; if you are waiting, you can go on waiting.

LOVE SHOULD BE A PASSION: IT SHOULD BE PASSIONATE, ALIVE, VITAL. Only then you attract somebody to fall towards you. Dead, who bothers with you? Dead, people would like to get rid of you. Dead, you become a boring phenomenon, a boredom. All around you, you carry such dirt of boredom, that anybody who comes across you will feel that it is a misfortune.

BE LOVING, VITAL, UNAFRAID... AND MOVE! Life has much to give to you if you are unafraid. 

[ElenaO]

5 hours ago, Shin said:

"It's ok if you're shy, I'll still ride you like a cowboy tonight, let's go !!!"

Something funny that shows him you're ok if he's not ready right now, but that still shows you're super interested.

haha, even though this is funny I don't think I can say something like that. 

[ElenaO]

3 hours ago, sweater said:

Maybe try to get some of your friends to talk to him and tell him that your interested in a non directive way. 

This would probably work at school or uni, but not at our work. The guys compete quite a lot at work, and there's no close friendship among them. Neither do I have any common friends to whom I could hint. Thanks for the suggestion though.

[ElenaO]

49 minutes ago, Prabhaker said:

You want somebody should come to you and love you. YOU CAN WAIT FOREVER BECAUSE THE OTHER IS ALSO AFRAID. And people who are afraid they become afraid of one thing absolutely, and that is the fear of being rejected. IF I GO AND KNOCK AT YOUR DOOR, THE POSSIBILITY IS YOU MAY REJECT. That rejection will become a wound, so it is better not to go. It is better to remain alone. It is better to move on your own, not to get involved with the other -- because the other can reject.
 

Well, I get your point. But I honestly do not know what to tell him or how/where to invite him. I don't think I am afraid of rejection, as you mention it here. I am tougher than you think. The problem is that I simply do not know how to move this forward. I guess because of the lack of the experience, since guys were usually the ones doing this. 

[Prabhaker]

6 minutes ago, ElenaO said:

The problem is that I simply do not know how to move this forward.

[Toby]

I think you are confusing things here. You are the one that wants something from him. So you have to ask for it. Don't blame the poor guy for not being a psychic and respond to every wish you have. Maybe you have the same interest, maybe not.

[ElenaO]

2 hours ago, Toby said:

I think you are confusing things here. You are the one that wants something from him. So you have to ask for it. Don't blame the poor guy for not being a psychic and respond to every wish you have. Maybe you have the same interest, maybe not.

Yeah, as I said I am not sure how would I do it. Till now just knowing that I have to ask him something hasn't worked. I need practical advices. 

[egoeimai]

Does it matter how?

And if yes,why? 

Don't be afraid to screw things up, it's your life, every mistake is an opportunity for your growth. Don't see it as a failure.?

[Toby]

Depends what you want from him. Could you please say what your definition of "further" is?

[ElenaO]

@egoeimai so anything would do?  
@Toby I thought it's quite obvious what I want from him. What does a girl usually want?  A relationship. 

[Shin]

He's either extremely shy, or not that interested.

Either way, it's up to you to make things goes further, he won't do it

[ElenaO]

42 minutes ago, Shin said:

He's either extremely shy, or not that interested.

Either way, it's up to you to make things goes further, he won't do it

Well, he might be shy in this respect. Might also not be that interested (even though there's clear signs he is,  in my opinion). 

 

[egoeimai]

@ElenaO  yes anything would do. ?

Go for it. You have nothing to lose girl! ?

[SFRL]

@ElenaO you ask him do you want to go see this movie? This day this time. 

Then you put on a skirt. And you put on your pretty clothes. And you do your make-up. Make sure your hair looks nice. And put on some perfume. 

Then at the movie YOU buy ONE big pop-corn and ONE big bucket of soda.

Then 15 minutes into the movie you put your hand on his knee. Then you brush your shoulder against him. Then you start looking sideways at him from the corners of your eyes. 

................

[egoeimai]

1 hour ago, SFRL said:

@ElenaO you ask him do you want to go see this movie? This day this time. 

Then you put on a skirt. And you put on your pretty clothes. And you do your make-up. Make sure your hair looks nice. And put on some perfume. 

Then at the movie YOU buy ONE big pop-corn and ONE big bucket of soda.

Then 15 minutes into the movie you put your hand on his knee. Then you brush your shoulder against him. Then you start looking sideways at him from the corners of your eyes. 

................

Hahahahahahahaha ?

[Emerald]

My advice is to make it clear that you're attracted to him without actually telling him verbatim. Give him little subtle invites. Like if a guy was too afraid to make the first move but I suspected he liked me I'd say something to him like, "Oh you're such a gentleman... you should really quit that." This shouldn't be out of nowhere but should fit with the conversation and be very good natured. Also, you can touch him in playful but platonic ways. When you see him, sneak up behind him and put your hands over his eyes. Give him a hug when you part ways. Ask him what he's thinking about. Little hints like this will give him a clearer message. If he still doesn't approach but seems interested, you can always ask him out too. 

[Spiral]

@ElenaO Don't do anything, wait until he gets the feels, if he does, he'll make a move. Although show how that you are into him, to make it easier for him, being touchy works.