Contribution Through Significance?

[kieranperez]

Hey guys! 

So for as long as I've been alive I've been fueled by competition. Yes, with others. To a degree where if I'm competing against you, I will be relentless. I embody what it means to be a relentless competitor (at least when I'm not sabotaging what I'm pursuing and much more... that's a whole can of worms I'm going to include in a different post though). In the sense that, I'm not competing by acting like an asshole. However, it's the mindset that, if I'm racing you (I'm a competitive middle/long distance runner on the Track in the Mile & 5K, Cross Country on the National Circuit , Road Racing, and Trail Running and eventually Ultra Marathoning) and you're my opponent, if I knock you down I'm not picking you up. 

I also highly value a high-end work ethic that FAR exceeds others. I don't dabble. When I love something and I commit to it, I don't fuck around. In this example of my running, I'm willing to die doing what I love. Period. Running played such a deep role in my life that it was the only outlet I had when I was most suicidal in my life. Competing, training, dedication, commitment, discipline and just the life of someone who embodies the lifestyle of eat, sleep, train. However, I'm not a workaholic. I do know when to take time and transition out of this mindset. I'll go on drives, hang with friends, go to clubs and party in moderation. Which is usually once in a blue moon now since I got that desire to party out of my system when I was younger (I'm 22 year old). 

HOWEVER! This is the critical distinction that needs to be made in all of this!- When I compete against others and have this urge to stand out, IT'S NOT AS A MEANS TO SIMPLY GET ATTENTION (necessarily) & FEEL LIKE I'M BETTER THAN EVERYONE & SUCH!

 I COMPETE AGAINST MYSELF. THE PEOPLE I RACE AND I CHALLENGE AND COMPETE WITH ARE JUST MEANS TO COMPETING WITH MYSELF. THE PEOPLE I'M UP AGAINST OR THE TOUGH COURSE I'M GOING TO TAKE ON OR A PICKUP GAME OF BASKETBALL WHERE I'M TALKING TRASH OR AM PURSUING MY LIFE PURPOSE AND TAKE MY LIFE TO THE NEXT LEVEL IS MY PUREST AND MOST NATURAL WAY I FEEL THE MOST FULFILLMENT IN MY LIFE I'VE EVER EXPERIENCED 2ND TO NONE. I'M HERE TO CHALLENGE MYSELF TO THE LIMIT. I LOVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, AND I SAY NOTHING LITERALLY, MORE THAN IF FOR EXAMPLE I RACE (EVEN IF I'M JUST RACING ALONE IN A TIME TRIAL WHERE NO ONE IS THERE. IT'S JUST ME AGAINST THE CLOCK) AND I TOTALLY RAN SUB-PAR, DIDN'T MEET MY GOAL AT ALL, FAILED IN ACHIEVING IT BY A LONG-SHOT, ETC. BUUUUT I GAVE EVERYTHING I HAD. I FEEL MOST PEACE OF MIND, HAPPINESS, AND FULFILLMENT WHEN I GIVE EVERYTHING I HAVE. IF I FAIL, THAT'S FINE.

"I CAN ACCEPT FAILURE BUT, I CAN'T ACCEPT NOT TRYING." - MICHAEL JORDAN

"TO GIVE ANYTHING LESS THAN YOUR BEST IS TO SACRIFICE THE GIFT." - STEVE PREFONTAINE

That's why I compete. There's nothing more fulfilling than that for me. That is what's given me most fulfillment in my life. I WANT TO BE A CREATOR THROUGH THE LIFE OF A THE MOST FIERCE COMPETITOR THERE IS. 

Why though? - Simply because I want all of what I just described to stand for something that's greater than just myself. I want all of what I described to truly mean something that can impact the world. I want to be world class. Now. In my sport, it's fact that no matter how hard you work and dedicate your heart to it, there's ALWAYS going to be someone better than you. I don't care who the hell you are. I'm friends with several Olympians in Track & Field that have won Silver Medals, Gold Medals, Bronze Medals, Top 5 in the NYC Marathon, etc. This level of elites. They will all say the same thing. I'd be lucky... REALLY lucky if I even got a small sponsorship give my talents. However, I want my talents to be maximized to the day I die. Where I know I gave EVERYTHING. Not just in my sport but all the things that compose what I value most and what I felt I was supposed to do and pursue in my life. 

Now... I just don't know how I can use these values in my Life Purpose and utilize all of this into a mission that can impact others. Again, I do value significance to a great degree. That's just something I can't shake. It's just feels so true to me but in a way that yes, it fuels my ego probably however, I know to the bottom of my heart that I don't value significance as an excuse to live the life of a narcissist. I want my significance to stand for something. Become an icon people can look at and be inspired by through all of what I mentioned above. I think of it like the impact Michael Jordan had on the world. Although what he did was out of selfish desires to be the best that ever lived, he also stood for something. He stood as an inspiration. An icon. There were no words that needed to be said. His actions did ALL the talking. People could just look at him and know exactly what he's about and that would get people to want to embody that mentality of being the best they can be in their life.

I value contribution so much. I love connecting with people and helping others. However, the way I've always influenced people the most in a positive way is when I can keep my mouth shut, do what I do and love most, do what I do best (and I do this at my best when my commitment stands for something more than just myself), and let people be fed off that. I can give great advice all day long, as can anybody. However, I want what I what I do and love most to be the thing that impacts people that is accomplished by me and doing what I love. I want my hard work in what I love and willing to die for and my 100000% commitment and relentless work ethic to be what inspires people to go after whatever they want to do. 

I don't know what you'd call these values, so I could use some help in clarifying that so I can modify My Top 10 List of Values in the Life Purpose Course. More than anything though... I could really use some ideas on how to take these values and make something out of it. Everything I come up with just dissolves and ultimately brings me back to this most deep intuition that THIS is what I have to do and how I need to go about it. 

I appreciate you all reading this far at all. Leave as much feedback as you can/want!

Edited June 14, 2017 by kieranperez

[Leo Gura]

You're shooting yourself in the foot. Just drop it. Stop comparing yourself to anyone. Life will be sweet.

Just reading your ego-trip post is tiring and nauseating. Not to mention living that way.

[electroBeam]

@kieranperez how about you spend your entire weekend getting to the root bottom of why you love competing so much, contemplate the core of it, and then use that as a way of being a creator, and getting rid of that desire you have to be a hamster on a hamster wheel.

[Extreme Z7]

@kieranperez  It's funny how you act as if you're so highly motivated and focused but can't seem to help yourself from wasting your time and energy trying to attract eyeballs for the sake of it.

[kieranperez]

@electroBeam you hit the spot of what I'm trying to get at. The point of being a Creator through the means of competing and such is really what I'm getting at. 

An example of what I'm getting at as far as maybe a Life Purpose goes could be say a YouTube channel that documents my training, racing, but also the emotional components "behind the scene" to give aspiring athletes of what a life of Mastery looks like in working towards becoming World Class. So it's not just hitting the competitive component but actually more focusing on inspiring athletes to not be afraid nor brought down of pursuing their aspirations to becoming the best THEY can be rather than just trying to focus on beating people. Again though, in a way that really hits home emotionally that creates inspiration. So if someone is a competitive person like me, direct that competitiveness in the direction of competing and creating something magnificent but on their own terms. Not on the scale that society may find more important. Also documenting say, spiritual components that go behind this lifestyle, e.g. Meditation, personal development work, etc. so people understand there's a balance to all of this.

I truly see sports as a tool that teaches. It can certain teach people bad/unhealthy things and behaviors which we see all too often on tv and what not. However, it can also teach you good things. 

i really want to emphasize the fact that what I described in my post is really no different that what we see in business. Yes there are companies out there that just try to be at the top through unethical means just for the sake of status. There are also companies though that truly get to the top but because they want to make a huge impact on the world. So if that means surpassing and outdoing their competitors, so be it. That's ultimately what I'm getting at. I guess I didn't do a good job of describing that but this is really what I'm getting at.

Leo & Extreme Z7, I think that was a bit much but I think I didn't word what I said in the original post clear enough. Hope this comment clears things up. Don't want to take those comments personally despite them being a bit much as I know you two mean well.

Specific well-intentioned feedback on this still appreciated! ?

[HikiNEET]

If you value something a lot, you will fail. See it as something trivial, like drinking water. Go and be the best, don't think that you will need to struggle or that it will be hard, just be.