Will People Hate Me For Being Happy?

[WaterfallMachine]

I noticed I'm becoming a lot happier these days thanks to meditation. Happy enough that I'd spend much of the day in bliss. 

But there's still some things that tend to get me down these days. Because of my efforts, I feel a deep acceptance and wider inner peace for these emotions well but they still pain me. 

I notice in casual conversations — people will step in with pretty average answers in questions about their life. But being in personal development for 5 years — I tend to give more overall optimistic answers while being humble enough to admit some flaws. And I get the sense that by being better — I lost some equal standing with others. That maybe people won't relate to me as a friend well the better I get. That if  I continue my hard work now in bettering my life, I'd reach a point where I become a hero — the kind of hero people mistakenly believe know everything about life and are perfect —inhuman. 

I get more genuinely cheerful as the days go by. I'm more the relaxed and easygoing cheerful than the loud and excitable ones. Will I seem fake? Some kind of liar? Arrogant? Lacking self awareness? It might sound stupid — but one of the major issues I've went through was caring how much people thought of me. I have some insecurities of not being accepted and belonging somewhere. 

If I get even much better at life than I do now, will I inspire more or will cause more jealousy? I guess I'm concerned for these people. I clearly remember the memories of looking at people who are stars in society at life and work. And often felt that it was impossible to match them and even still feel these a bit these days. I don't want people to feel that way. And I don't want to be hated.

Yes, it's not my fault. But I still feel these emotions.

It's painfully ironic. I went through life fearing telling others my more flawed side. Now I fear showing any tidbit of achievement and great happiness. This also applies to when I teach or give advice — the act seems like a subtle message saying that "I know more than you," and I don't want to cause the above. Not that it stops me from doing so — but it saddens me. Scares me.

What can I do?

 

 

 

[Nahm]

@WaterfallMachine You are learning what unconditional means. You are so close. Everything you choose to place above happiness becomes a condition. SImply choose happiness, OR concern for how others see you. If that sounds too simple, you have possibly completely underestimated the power you hold in simply being able to choose. Choose happiness. Nothing needs to be done with the rest. It is alive and being sustained by your thoughts alone. If you let it go, it will be gone. We can not unchoose negative thoughts, but we do a great job of fooling ourselves into justification of holding such thoughts. We can choose positive thoughts though, and that makes us the most powerful thing in existence. 

[Markus]

Here's what you wanna bite the bullet on:

1. You don't have to be a good person.
2. Everybody is responsible for their own emotions.
3. Place happiness above everything else.

Some further contemplation into these people-pleasing tendencies would be appropriate.

As for happiness, it's always a choice between happiness and something else. As soon as you place that something above it, you create a condition, you create (the potential for) suffering. Because as long as that condition isn't met, you don't allow yourself to be happy. Unconditional happiness means you're happy regardless of what happens. If you get diagnosed with rectal cancer tomorrow, you're happy. If there's a nuclear war, you're happy. If everybody hates you, you're happy.

[Guest Annetta]

Nooo!  If you're happier and they're not supportive of you then they aren't good friends!  Be happy!  Be happy that you're happy.
Are you teaching them when they ask for it or because you think you know better than they do?  Even if you do know a better way, people tend not to listen if you give them advice when it is not welcome.
Maybe only give advice when it is welcome?

Other than that, if they don't appreciate that your life is getting better then they don't deserve to be in your life.

[Michael569]

Walking around, being honest and truthful, pointing out your flaws makes others feel insecure because that is not what majority does. The modern world is generally not an honest place. I mean us, humans are intuitively not bad, we just don't like to be judged or criticised, that's why we always go around hiding flaws, pretending to be the best versions of ourselves. Highlighting all perfections and sweeping imperfections under the rug. Usually the only time where we all connect on the same level is where a mayor catastrophic event happens, only then you see people genuinely opening themselves up for others, being true to our humanity. Having their expensive clothes all bloody from trying to save your fellow man's life as it happened in London not long ago. 

Be the change you want to see in the world and let your light shine onto others. Your positivity  will inspire,and motivate the rest of us to drop our fears and judgements and step out in the light. 

"You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

 

Edited June 14, 2017 by Michael569

[Shin]

Some neurotics people who can't stand not being able to trigger you will hate you, yes.

[Emerald]

On 6/12/2017 at 6:54 AM, WaterfallMachine said:

I noticed I'm becoming a lot happier these days thanks to meditation. Happy enough that I'd spend much of the day in bliss. 

But there's still some things that tend to get me down these days. Because of my efforts, I feel a deep acceptance and wider inner peace for these emotions well but they still pain me. 

I notice in casual conversations — people will step in with pretty average answers in questions about their life. But being in personal development for 5 years — I tend to give more overall optimistic answers while being humble enough to admit some flaws. And I get the sense that by being better — I lost some equal standing with others. That maybe people won't relate to me as a friend well the better I get. That if  I continue my hard work now in bettering my life, I'd reach a point where I become a hero — the kind of hero people mistakenly believe know everything about life and are perfect —inhuman. 

I get more genuinely cheerful as the days go by. I'm more the relaxed and easygoing cheerful than the loud and excitable ones. Will I seem fake? Some kind of liar? Arrogant? Lacking self awareness? It might sound stupid — but one of the major issues I've went through was caring how much people thought of me. I have some insecurities of not being accepted and belonging somewhere. 

If I get even much better at life than I do now, will I inspire more or will cause more jealousy? I guess I'm concerned for these people. I clearly remember the memories of looking at people who are stars in society at life and work. And often felt that it was impossible to match them and even still feel these a bit these days. I don't want people to feel that way. And I don't want to be hated.

Yes, it's not my fault. But I still feel these emotions.

It's painfully ironic. I went through life fearing telling others my more flawed side. Now I fear showing any tidbit of achievement and great happiness. This also applies to when I teach or give advice — the act seems like a subtle message saying that "I know more than you," and I don't want to cause the above. Not that it stops me from doing so — but it saddens me. Scares me.

What can I do?

Ultimately, you don't have to care what others think about you or how your success makes them feel. But you also have to understand that it can make people feel bad, due to their own self-judgments. Most people are incapable of self-love due to their conditioning. So, through no fault of your own, your successes will trigger other's suffering.

But I think it's very important to try to lift others up as much as possible, especially since they are not separate from you. Don't make the assumption that their feelings are irrelevant to you. The sense of internal and external is false, so all of your internal and external experiences inform one another. Sickness inside equals sickness outside. Sickness outside equal sickness inside. The same situation applies to wellness as well. 

If you want to minimize this effect of making others feel negative and actually make others feel better, you can avoid talking about your successes in front of them. You can also give them genuine compliments that lift their spirits and inspire them. Most people really need this type of reinforcement and reassurance. Definitely, look upon them without a sense of superiority and judgment, because they may be picking up on any superior feelings that you have or any subtle compulsion to dominate others through your personal prowess. And ultimately, you want to realize that your life path isn't any better than theirs in the long run. It may be healthier, but there is no true better or worse in the long run. A healthy life and an unhealthy life are equal in value. You can never make yourself or your life more valuable than anyone else. 

Another thing to keep in mind is that you may (or may not) be attracting this to yourself in life because you actually want it. If you have an inferiority/superiority complex, where you feel best when you have others to compare yourself to that you perform better than. It will give you many opportunities to compare yourself and feel better about yourself through affirming your superiority. I don't know if this is true of you, but it's definitely a psychological pattern to be aware of. This tends to be an unconscious thought pattern that people can easily lie to themselves about.

[Toby]

Happiness has nothing to do with a high or perceiving yourself as better than other people. That is unhappiness and not happiness. Also it is impossible to be happy and care what others think of you at the same time imo.

[WaterfallMachine]

On 6/16/2017 at 10:25 AM, Toby said:

Happiness has nothing to do with a high or perceiving yourself as better than other people. That is unhappiness and not happiness. Also it is impossible to be happy and care what others think of you at the same time imo.

 

Thank you for the warning but I have a different say.

I find it possible though. My definition of happiness isn't joy, but simply contentment. Satisfaction with what is. You can be happy yet still feel an impatience for more. And you can feel sad while allowing it in full acceptance and contentment. And caring what others think is lessening away fast, but still is slightly there. At the time of the post, I didn't care 90% of the time. 10% ehhh. . .  It is true that it isn't exactly 100% satisfaction with caring what others think though.

Also it's like how people feel mixed feelings. How people can feel anger and sadness at the same time. Or guilt and worry. It's like I feel an intense blissfulnesz even with the experience of other emotions — even strongly negative at the same time. Absolutely bizzare experience.

I didn't say I was better at everything than everyone. Only in the area of happiness. And even with happiness, I have still more to learn. People are better than me in many other ways. There are people who are better leaders than me. Better in their areas of health. Better in singing. And so on. Some people seem to think that anyone who's saying anything good about themselves immediately are people who think they're superior. 

I'm not trying to start a fight but what is with that?

You may tell me if you still think I'm wrong though.

Edited June 17, 2017 by WaterfallMachine

[WaterfallMachine]

@Nahm @Markus @Annetta @Michael569 @Snick @Shin @Emerald @Toby

 

Thanks everyone for the advice. 

Emerald's advice made me think the most. So thanks especially for that.  Ironically, I rarely attracted visible hatred and jealousy. I often remembered imagining them, on a couch or a bench, and wondering if my acceptance in my community will be teared  down someday. That people may be hiding their own hatred at me.

 I discovered that I was humble to the point of self deprecation and had a noticeable inability to accept compliments. But with shadow work I realized that I truly thought of myself as superior. It was denial. I was then struck by the idea when scrolling through the internet that lack of action . . . does not mean lack of intention.

So I practiced what I think is "balanced" and "honest" words in people's eyes but it still held me back. Because I feared any show of confidence when with others or alone would turn into arrogance.  I feared this like anorexic people gazing with distress at the mirror at their "fat" bodies. I had starved myself of admitting any good qualities in myself yet I hungered to do so.

Somewhere in there I believed my underconfidence was a superior humility. 

-------

 I was worried on asking what seemed to be such a stupid question but I eventually came back when I was at peace with it enough.

At a certain point of self inquiry, I noticed that how others think didn't seem as important. I didn't just understand it conceptually. I felt it. If I've seen a world without language, then I don't have to believe the ideas in language as real as the sights in the room around me.

Not everything turned to the topic of my better happiness. And I could relate to people in many other ways. But it's surprising how much how happy I seem tend to crawl into different areas of my life and it felt like I was hiding a damn T. rex sometimes. 

Goal seeking is a huge part of my life and celebrating each step was meaningful, a possible connection in gratitude where in turn they can share theirs too. Not that I'll rub it off people's faces, but it's not something I'd remove totally from my life slapping it with the label arrogance. There's a good time for many things.

Years of being anxious about this. Years of fearing I didn't live up to anyone's standards. Years of working hard for some sort of status. Years of fearing that if I didn't let anyone see the true me, I'd be hated. 

I'll try my best. 

 

Edited June 17, 2017 by WaterfallMachine