Anxious, Cant Laugh Genuinely

[LeMale]

Hey, im from Germany and ive been watching self actulization videos for about 3-4 years. Improved the way im thinking alot. But i have this continious anxiety which is always there in the background. Ive tried meditation and it helped reaally alot, but i couldnt make it a habit. Did meditate 2 weeks or so and i had the disapearing of duality experience, the connectiveness and that i am creating my world,  i could really feel the things. 

If im not meditating or not continiously working to push out of my comfort zone its so hard not to have anxiety. Why ? other people dont work on them self and they are just fine... i feel like the missing part is love in my life, like real love.

And i have fckn problem, that i cant laugh genuinely... im in a social situation and i laugh... but cant laugh for longer then a few seconds. Something snaps in and im soo negative again, and i spread bad vibes instantly even though i was in a good mod before.

[Richard Alpert]

It is pretty obvious what is your problem. you just wrote it.

[Ludwig]

Doing the work can be hard and excruciatingly painful. But what is way more painful is having lived your whole life only in the shadow. 

Have deep trust in your issue, it might very well be your way to liberation. 

[ajasatya]

2 hours ago, LeMale said:

Ive tried meditation and it helped reaally alot, but i couldnt make it a habit.

stop being lazy because nobody else will do it for you.

you're still thinking about thoughts of others, afraid of rejection. you're still deeply trapped in your own self-sabotage patterns.

everytime you leave the boat too soon, you'll drown in the ocean of unconscious human suffering.

[Toby]

Breaking news: nobody of your friends cares how, when and how often you laugh. Why would this be important?

[Torkys]

This is an awesome video. By the way, stop running away from pain! Face anxiety had on! You can do some shadow work to get to the bottom of it. If meditation helps, discipline yourself, don't be lazy and meditate every day! For me, the Do Nothing technique combined with Strong Determination Sitting (I do it lying down, to be honest) helps me to allow things to be as they are and see a difference between pain and suffering, so I highly recommend it.

[LeMale]

Okey ty for ur recommendations, yes i mean meditation is great and i will do it a daily habit, and i did for a short period. Its just as u said i think there is something in my subc. Even if i do meditate and im aware that all what i think i am is just a construct created by me and an illusion and even that illusion is an illusion and so on... Still i think i have to work with my subconsciousness, because im a human and we are bond to our minds and our limits and our needyness to belong to society.

Edited June 11, 2017 by LeMale

[How to be wise]

2 hours ago, LeMale said:

Okey ty for ur recommendations, yes i mean meditation is great and i will do it a daily habit, and i did for a short period. Its just as u said i think there is something in my subc. Even if i do meditate and im aware that all what i think i am is just a construct created by me and an illusion and even that illusion is an illusion and so on... Still i think i have to work with my subconsciousness, because im a human and we are bond to our minds and our limits and our needyness to belong to society.

I used to have almost exactly the same problem you did. I used to be very fearful and anxious about people and what they think of me, to the point where I couldn't leave my house without having this background fear and anxiety, and I could feel it in my body, as my chest muscles would be tense. Personally, meditation and stuff is good, but I didn't find it helpful at all in relieving me of my fearful and negative emotions. But there was a book that I read, called 'Loving What Is' by Byron Katie, which completely transformed my emotions and the way I feel about myself. I've been dong the excersises in that book for around two months, and 80% of my negative emotions, fear and anxiety have turned into laughter and joy. My body has completely loosened up. I very highly recommend that book, rather than doing meditation or stuff, which is good for enlightenment, but I think it'll take a long time before it can transform emotions.

[Nahm]

@LeMale I am sooooo hungry I can barely stand it. I used to eat and when I did I felt great! I am soooooo hungry. Can someone please tell me what I can do????? 

[LeMale]

@How to be wise exactly man. There is always tension in my muscles and nerves. Hard to describe its in the background all the time even if i feel "enlightend" or whatever and even if i dont indentify with this feeling. I will give the book a try, ty.

@Nahm Dude i dont want to eat just because im hungry, when i dont have the right setting to eat something good