How To Control Anger ?

[AHappyTeddyBear]

Today my classmate kinda attacked my viewpoint on religion, basically it was me critizising his religion and he got instantly offended and told in front of the class that I talk BS everywhere, so it kinda pissed me off and i wanted to punch that ugly face of his. I still want to tbh. Do you never get a feeling of just wanting to punch a person because they make you angry in a way you simply can't comprehend ? I have it very often, when people criticize me or my opinion or just talk shit about me. I get really angry and want to let my aggresion out on them.

[Dhana Choko]

What do you think just before this aggression hits you? What kind of thoughts emerge in your mind when this person starts saying all these things about you?

[AHappyTeddyBear]

17 minutes ago, Dhana Choko said:

What do you think just before this aggression hits you? What kind of thoughts emerge in your mind when this person starts saying all these things about you?

All I am thinking to myself is ''Shut the fuck up you know nothing about this topic and are defending a religion that is the greatest evil of the world.'' Sorry, i come from a muslim family and i hate islam and it really makes me so fucking aggresive when ppl defend it when its clearly violent . What are those people, blind ? Saying it is a peaceful religion while some homosexual or rape victim is getting stoned to death at the same time wants me to vomit out all my internal organs. Its sick. Worse than sick. I get so mad that I wouldn't care to fuck up my school career and just kill this person !!!!! Ignorance is bliss.

[Dhana Choko]

@AHappyTeddyBear I see. So what you perceive in him, generates thoughts in you that stem from you own beliefs and background and history. Then these thoughts in your head make you aggressive and you make the association that these aggressive feelings are caused by his actions and words and you would like to make that stop - right? Isn't your initial want in that situation to stop this pain inside of you? You don't want to feel this bad and have all these emotions in you so you would want this to end. And in your mind, you kind of make the association that if this person would stop talking and acting the way he acts and talks, you would not have these thoughts that cause these emotions and then, your pain would stop. Then you feel like you don't have much of a choice to choose on if he stops or not, so maybe your mind makes the association that if he would just die and he would not be there to say those things, you would be better - right? Isn't this kind of how you think currently?

[AHappyTeddyBear]

2 minutes ago, Dhana Choko said:

@AHappyTeddyBear I see. So what you perceive in him, generates thoughts in you that stem from you own beliefs and background and history. Then these thoughts in your head make you aggressive and you make the association that these aggressive feelings are caused by his actions and words and you would like to make that stop - right? Isn't your initial want in that situation to stop this pain inside of you? You don't want to feel this bad and have all these emotions in you so you would want this to end. And in your mind, you kind of make the association that if this person would stop talking and acting the way he acts and talks, you would not have these thoughts that cause these emotions and then, your pain would stop. Then you feel like you don't have much of a choice to choose on if he stops or not, so maybe your mind makes the association that if he would just die and he would not be there to say those things, you would be better - right? Isn't this kind of how you think currently?

Yes, I believe so.

[Dhana Choko]

So this situation that you are in, causes you to have activated thoughts, beliefs and ideas in your mind and these thoughts and ideas and beliefs make you react in an angry way. Let's say that this situation that you were in, just stops and this person who made you angry, never says anything about this issue ever again. You go about your life and experience things and it is quite likely that you will run up against someone again in your life, that has similar type of characteristics and opinions as this person ((we all know very well that these types on people exist and there are a lot of them all over the world)) you are talking about now. They might even talk to you the same way as this person in this previous situation. It is quite likely that his ideas and actions will cause you to have very similar thoughts, beliefs and ideas pop up in your mind as it did on the first time and again, you are very angry and your life is filled with this deep anger towards this new situation and similar thoughts run in your head again: you would like to stop this person from saying these things, you would even have a thought where you wish that this person was dead as well. As a wise person as you are, you can see that we have a problem here.  This same thing keeps happening all over again. How can we proceed?

[Simon Zackrisson]

"AHappyTeddyBear" ;P

I think I can understand your scenario in some degree.

I can sometimes find it extremely frustrating when people are unable to take part in a reasonable conversation. It's especially tedious when it's suspicious if they're even interested in Attempting to use logic in a fair and balanced way.

However, you shouldn't care less about these people. 

Especially if they happen to disagree with your opinion man. Be a fucking man, don't let them get under your skin. They "win" if you allow them to induce a stress-state in yourself that causes fucking cancer and disease in long term.

 

Put this high intensity energy in your own business instead. Use it to further your own life situation.

Don't waste time on these fucking people. 

[AHappyTeddyBear]

1 minute ago, Dhana Choko said:

So this situation that you are in, causes you to have activated thoughts, beliefs and ideas in your mind and these thoughts and ideas and beliefs make you react in an angry way. Let's say that this situation that you were in, just stops and this person who made you angry, never says anything about this issue ever again. You go about your life and experience things and it is quite likely that you will run up against someone again in your life, that has similar type of characteristics and opinions as this person ((we all know very well that these types on people exist and there are a lot of them all over the world)) you are talking about now. They might even talk to you the same way as this person in this previous situation. It is quite likely that his ideas and actions will cause you to have very similar thoughts, beliefs and ideas pop up in your mind as it did on the first time and again, you are very angry and your life is filled with this deep anger towards this new situation and similar thoughts run in your head again: you would like to stop this person from saying these things, you would even have a thought where you wish that this person was dead as well. As a wise person as you are, you can see that we have a problem here.  This same thing keeps happening all over again. What would you do about this?

This is not the first situation I had. Sorry for saying I'd kill that person. I really wouldn't, its just that thinking about this guy made me angry again. I would never go as low as killing another human being over an opinion. It especially makes me fucked up when an intelligent person says those things, like my ethics teacher or all of the other students who happen to be muslim as well. Then I try and argue and I just know how they are trying to avoid my arguements and I know im right and it feels like everyone is against me and I stand alone. They even go as far as telling me im right winked just because they couldnt handle the truth. That's optimism for you , seeing something good in somethign that is the most cancerous thing on planet earth. Now, of course I would like those feelings to go away, my parents always told me to always stand behind What i think is the right thing. but now, I think i will just be ignoring those ppl and hold my opinion to myself so i dont get caught up in those sitations again. 

[JeffR1]

@AHappyTeddyBear Hi. Certain topics seem to get people really heated, especially religion, politics and sex. I tend to steer away from these topics as my personal beliefs are just that - my personal beliefs. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and I don't have a right to question their beliefs. Likewise, I keep mine to myself. In the past I tried talking to people about spiritualism and been met with a range of differing viewpoints. I found that it's my journey and it's okay for me to have my beliefs and for others to have their beliefs. 

Clearly this upsets you what people are saying and doing. It does seem to some extent that you may be forcing your beliefs on others, as you state "they couldn't handle the truth', and "seeing something good in something that is the most cancerous thing on planet earth'. These are very strong statements. These are your beliefs and there will always be others who disagree with your viewpoint.

The key is to find a way which allows you to hold your beliefs and still allow others to hold their beliefs, without it getting to you. And, after all, belief is dogma, and no-one likes someone else trying to push their dogma on them. Keep your beliefs and keep your peace. As @Simon Zackrisson said, "don't let them get under your skin". Best wishes.

[AHappyTeddyBear]

54 minutes ago, JeffR1 said:

@AHappyTeddyBear Hi. Certain topics seem to get people really heated, especially religion, politics and sex. I tend to steer away from these topics as my personal beliefs are just that - my personal beliefs. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and I don't have a right to question their beliefs. Likewise, I keep mine to myself. In the past I tried talking to people about spiritualism and been met with a range of differing viewpoints. I found that it's my journey and it's okay for me to have my beliefs and for others to have their beliefs. 

Clearly this upsets you what people are saying and doing. It does seem to some extent that you may be forcing your beliefs on others, as you state "they couldn't handle the truth', and "seeing something good in something that is the most cancerous thing on planet earth'. These are very strong statements. These are your beliefs and there will always be others who disagree with your viewpoint.

The key is to find a way which allows you to hold your beliefs and still allow others to hold their beliefs, without it getting to you. And, after all, belief is dogma, and no-one likes someone else trying to push their dogma on them. Keep your beliefs and keep your peace. As @Simon Zackrisson said, "don't let them get under your skin". Best wishes.

Finally some good advice, thank you. You are on point

[Kelley White]

On 2/17/2016 at 0:20 AM, JeffR1 said:

The key is to find a way which allows you to hold your beliefs and still allow others to hold their beliefs, without it getting to you. And, after all, belief is dogma, and no-one likes someone else trying to push their dogma on them. Keep your beliefs and keep your peace. As @Simon Zackrisson said, "don't let them get under your skin". Best wishes.

@JeffR1  Rather than avoid the topics, I like to challenge folks to examine their fundamental beliefs which underlie such paradigms.  I like your key.  I use it in crafting my work. 

I like to imagine life in a game theory virtual reality construct.  Its still story, but is a story with metaphors which lend themselves quite well to certain concepts pointing to losing all stories. 

So imagine a game with players whom are all unique in skills and attributes, all playing with different contexts, goals, skill sets, frameworks of understanding, all simultaneously in play.    If actualization is a evolutionary progression in part, then each individual has to actualize within their contextual framework of understanding.

On 2/16/2016 at 7:19 AM, AHappyTeddyBear said:

Today my classmate kinda attacked my viewpoint on religion, basically it was me critizising his religion and he got instantly offended and told in front of the class that I talk BS everywhere, so it kinda pissed me off and i wanted to punch that ugly face of his. I still want to tbh. Do you never get a feeling of just wanting to punch a person because they make you angry in a way you simply can't comprehend ? I have it very often, when people criticize me or my opinion or just talk shit about me. I get really angry and want to let my aggresion out on them.

@AHappyTeddyBear, Were you upset that your classmates disagreed with you or that they disrespected your right to your own views and be your authentic self? 

Some of my best poems are created from a space of anger about what my story construct perceives as injustice.   Art is a great way to channel anger in a non harmful way.   I love poetry because its like writing in code.  I alone know what I am really writing about.  

Its not the emotion of anger that has a moral negativity...it is perhaps the entertainment of negative thought to the point of action which becomes self defeating and problematic? 

I hear you feel an emotion, you feel a reaction, you visualize a negative to not act on the negative? 

Can you take it a step further to the turnaround?  I welcome others being upset with me expressing my truth because it means I exposed their point of resistance?  Was I successful because I provoked emotions in a person who might fail to feel or even think beyond the end of their "knows?"

Once I observed we are playing at different levels within the same "game?" 

I could accept and observe and evolutionary process to actualization itself across religious/spiritual/political patterns.   (Or I could just be bat shit crazy. LOL  I remain open to both options. LOL)  

It allowed me to be more inclusive, more tolerant, more accepting of others walking the path they are on, it seems Plank would be correct with his spoke and wheel theory, all spokes are still a apart of the same wheel merely experiencing the wave-field of the wheel from their vantage point from within a different wave-field?

 

Just some thoughts.  Great thread everyone.

[AHappyTeddyBear]

2 hours ago, Kelley White said:

@JeffR1  Rather than avoid the topics, I like to challenge folks to examine their fundamental beliefs which underlie such paradigms.  I like your key.  I use it in crafting my work. 

I like to imagine life in a game theory virtual reality construct.  Its still story, but is a story with metaphors which lend themselves quite well to certain concepts pointing to losing all stories. 

So imagine a game with players whom are all unique in skills and attributes, all playing with different contexts, goals, skill sets, frameworks of understanding, all simultaneously in play.    If actualization is a evolutionary progression in part, then each individual has to actualize within their contextual framework of understanding.

@AHappyTeddyBear, Were you upset that your classmates disagreed with you or that they disrespected your right to your own views and be your authentic self? 

Some of my best poems are created from a space of anger about what my story construct perceives as injustice.   Art is a great way to channel anger in a non harmful way.   I love poetry because its like writing in code.  I alone know what I am really writing about.  

Its not the emotion of anger that has a moral negativity...it is perhaps the entertainment of negative thought to the point of action which becomes self defeating and problematic? 

I hear you feel an emotion, you feel a reaction, you visualize a negative to not act on the negative? 

Can you take it a step further to the turnaround?  I welcome others being upset with me expressing my truth because it means I exposed their point of resistance?  Was I successful because I provoked emotions in a person who might fail to feel or even think beyond the end of their "knows?"

Once I observed we are playing at different levels within the same "game?" 

I could accept and observe and evolutionary process to actualization itself across religious/spiritual/political patterns.   (Or I could just be bat shit crazy. LOL  I remain open to both options. LOL)  

It allowed me to be more inclusive, more tolerant, more accepting of others walking the path they are on, it seems Plank would be correct with his spoke and wheel theory, all spokes are still a apart of the same wheel merely experiencing the wave-field of the wheel from their vantage point from within a different wave-field?

 

Just some thoughts.  Great thread everyone.

The thing that makes me rage is the way liberalism wants to make sure no one gets their feelings hurt, I don't see it progressive how left  winged people lie about the treatment of women in the middle east because you just can't wait to bend over backwards for Islam. Like Liberals ingore the core values they are supposed to stand by, like social justice. If you stand with those who treat women like second class citizens then you are scum. LITERALLY, FUCKIGN SCUM. If you are left winged and stand behind such ridicoulus and obvious facts but still defend it like its sacred to you, then you are not fit to live in a modern society. I see intelligent people making this claim all the time which doesn't help comfort my anger. Those are people who close their eyes and live a lie and deny the obvious truths. Which makes it all more pathetic is when they attempt at building evidence to show how ''peaceful'' their religion is.

[ebrink06]

6 hours ago, AHappyTeddyBear said:

The thing that makes me rage is the way liberalism wants to make sure no one gets their feelings hurt, I don't see it progressive how left  winged people lie about the treatment of women in the middle east because you just can't wait to bend over backwards for Islam. Like Liberals ingore the core values they are supposed to stand by, like social justice. If you stand with those who treat women like second class citizens then you are scum. LITERALLY, FUCKIGN SCUM. If you are left winged and stand behind such ridicoulus and obvious facts but still defend it like its sacred to you, then you are not fit to live in a modern society. I see intelligent people making this claim all the time which doesn't help comfort my anger. Those are people who close their eyes and live a lie and deny the obvious truths. Which makes it all more pathetic is when they attempt at building evidence to show how ''peaceful'' their religion is.

I think you're doing great…. This should make you angry. There are horrific acts justified by islam and other belief systems. The fact that this enrages you is fantastic. It enrages me too. It's even more upsetting that the belief system of "liberalism" glorifies it, and as you say, "ignores the core values they are supposed to stand by". So many people buy into it, it's very difficult to escape, especially in an academic setting. They also ignore their value of "diversity and open mindedness", by completely shutting down your argument as logical as it may be. It's also enraging to not be heard! I think the important thing here is to realize that you're not having a real discussion with this person/people. You might as well be speaking to a ton of bricks. They're not capable of having a rational discussion. Your challenge is to find people that are capable of that and hold on to them for dear life! And I think you may be doing that. You're not acting out violence, you're talking about it with compassionate people who understand reason and logic. Please keep standing by your principles and talking about it when the moment strikes. The world needs you! But know when the person has stopped being rational. Just keep filtering until you've found a friend or two or three that are intelligent enough to converse with you! Keep up the good work

 

I want to share a personal note to give you perspective. I have had anger issues too, which is why I originally clicked on this thread. Mine were for much, much less. One trigger for me was if I dropped something, or if something fell, I would pick it up and then it would fall again. I would become enraged and break things over this. It's truly crazy to think about. I taught myself to control it. I think that I knew it was insane and I didn't want to be that person, and that's what allowed me to take control. It took maybe a year to master and it hasn't completely gone away. I remember feeling my brain be flooded with whatever chemical happens when you get angry. Instead of reacting, I would try to pause and be aware of that feeling and wait for it to pass. The above dropping scenario happened just a couple of days ago and I felt that same flooding. Now though it lasts just a second or two and it's over. I still experience negative emotions though. When I learned to control my anger, I felt deep sadness creep in. So now I'm dealing with trying to overcome depression and suicidal thoughts. Positive affirmations have been a big help, but I took a break from them when I hit a low point and couldn't believe anything I was trying to tell myself. Still exploring the root and the solution… Anyway, I hope that helps. My anger was most often destructive and pointless and crazy, yours could be productive, important and completely rational.

Edited February 19, 2016 by ebrink06

[Kelley White]

20 hours ago, AHappyTeddyBear said:

The thing that makes me rage is the way liberalism wants to make sure no one gets their feelings hurt, I don't see it progressive how left  winged people lie about the treatment of women in the middle east because you just can't wait to bend over backwards for Islam. Like Liberals ingore the core values they are supposed to stand by, like social justice.

@AHappyTeddyBear  Thank you so much for responding to my question.   It really allowed me to understand the space you are coming from.  Thank  you. 

I agree with you about the treatment of women in certain third world countries and under certain religious belief systems.  I have studied many of the religions from around the world, I have a son who is now Jewish that was at one time a practicing Muslim.   (That was after his pagan phase and his Christan phase. LOL)   I suspect fundamentalism of any flavor is an extremism which can be divisive and abusive.

20 hours ago, AHappyTeddyBear said:

If you stand with those who treat women like second class citizens then you are scum. LITERALLY, FUCKIGN SCUM. If you are left winged and stand behind such ridicoulus and obvious facts but still defend it like its sacred to you, then you are not fit to live in a modern society. I see intelligent people making this claim all the time which doesn't help comfort my anger. Those are people who close their eyes and live a lie and deny the obvious truths. Which makes it all more pathetic is when they attempt at building evidence to show how ''peaceful'' their religion is.

It sounds to me like you have a righteous anger about how women are treated in your country?  It also sounds as if you are of the opinion that if the right to practice Islam is protected this means  all people of that faith are abusive and that supporting their right to freedom of religion is abusive?  I don't know I'm trying to clarify what you really are thinking versus assuming.

As someone who tries to work with what is?  I am aware that my anger over injustice may motivate me intrinsically to act, but it may not motivate others.    I am aware there is injustice, but does my rage change that injustice?  By my observation if I focus that rage on a positive action from within the system I dislike to promote positive change?  I get farther than if I rage at the machine so to speak. Although, many of my poems are just that, rants against the machine. (Machines, as in, institutions)

When I find something I really feel great injustice over, I try to channel my anger into being being a positive force for change. 

15 hours ago, ebrink06 said:

I think you're doing great…. This should make you angry. There are horrific acts justified by islam and other belief systems. The fact that this enrages you is fantastic. It enrages me too.

Its okay to be enraged.  How do we affect lasting change?  We have culture mores, world view, we have language barriers where things are lost in the translation;  how do we change what we can without become that which we do not honor, the violent? 

 

15 hours ago, ebrink06 said:

It took maybe a year to master and it hasn't completely gone away. I remember feeling my brain be flooded with whatever chemical happens when you get angry. Instead of reacting, I would try to pause and be aware of that feeling and wait for it to pass. The above dropping scenario happened just a couple of days ago and I felt that same flooding. Now though it lasts just a second or two and it's over.

@ebrink06 that is huge.  I am very happy for you.  My default is self anger, so I have been working on this very thing same thing just with a different application.

This is a really good discussion.  I would love to hear both of your ideas for changing this paradigm of thought with a positive act(s)?

 

[Cookiesliyr]

well, hello all and as everyone else in here, i would like to share my opinion. what about respecting other people opinion without judging them and putting all of them, who doesn't share your opinion on certain subject, in one little category?

another thing is ... if you get sooooo offended because they believe in something that you don't believe in, like lets say like those "X says: XBONE is the best, and y reply: no R@!$% F$@!!@$ A@$!@, PS4 is" and get soo mad, so much drama and only God knows what these guys are uttering with... doesn't that rise a question? are you sure 100% that what you believe in is 100% true and all who believe otherwise are 100% false? and how did you know those facts? from where did you learn that? reading random people opinion and took it granted as the ultimate research? black and white? not that lion studio's PC game, Black and white perspectives. despite if it is a hot button subject or from super ego personas, and if the subject truly matter or not, does that means the other side doesn't deserve respect?

but yes, Dhana Choko approach is hmmm, more professional, what will you do if you face other people with other ideas? are you going to fight each and everyone one of them?

this is a common problem that i see rising in the last few years, and it takes several forms in the social life and social media, the aggressive fight to prove who is right, and what we like is the only truth and right. don't they know there are other ways to other ways to persuade others other then assertiveness and pure rage? some studies shows it is a self low-esteem issue, but can be there a global self low-esteem issues? is that even possible?

And by the way, i am a Muslim, so ... does that mean all what i just said in here in here now Worth Absolute zero? what about my whole life, does it worth nothing? and you say my face is green too?

Edited February 24, 2016 by Cookiesliyr

[ebrink06]

On February 19, 2016 at 8:11 AM, Kelley White said:

This is a really good discussion.  I would love to hear both of your ideas for changing this paradigm of thought with a positive act(s)?

 

Thanks for your response. I think changing the paradigm of thought through positive action comes slowly. Positive acts and positive thoughts build on each other. A nice thought can lead to a happy action which can make you feel good and have more positive thoughts which can lead to more positive actions. Maybe focusing on feeling good (without abandoning consideration for your future self) is a good way to propel it.

 

From my personal experience, thoughts are more significant than actions. I was recently nominated for an award for some of my accomplishments but it didn't initially make me feel good. I won't go into details but essentially I didn't feel like I deserved it. So even though my actions were positive and others recognized that, my thoughts were not on the same level. I had also been doing affirmations for a few months which really made a difference in many areas of my life. I got to a point though where I realized I didn't believe what I was saying. I'm kind of at a stand still now. Resolved to try to enjoy life moment by moment- a little break until I feel recovered enough to start believeing in myself again. Not sure if I'm making sense...

[Kath]

Maybe there's a simpler answer. maybe your anger comes from frustration that things not being how you think they should be, or how you wish they could or would be. Maybe accepting things don't have to be how you want them to be would help dissolve your anger. All the rest is chimp stuff really - trying to rationalise and find a 'head' way around the underlying problem?

[vizual]

Sometimes when anger arises in me it's important for me recognize it--and not get lost in the emotion. When I recognize it(and see) the anger the intensity of the emotion immediately lowers in intensity. 

In my opinion, everything that angers you is something you attracted via your subconscious. After the angering situation is over, try to analyze what YOU did wrong--what is floating around in your subconscious that is making you angry? When you address that root cause the angering situation will be less likely to manifest itself again.

You do have to go to the root cause of your anger, and that is not easy for everyone to recognize in themselves. It's also not fun for your ego to admit that you had a part in the wrongness of the situation. But if you want to grow in life it has to be done.

[Falk]

Frist of all: religion is ALWAYS a good reason to punch someone or to start wars and kill each other so you are in good company with pretty much the whole mankind of all times

Second *jokes apart* : I also get angry sometimes and the following helps me: After the discussion/confrontation took place just count how many times you keep "reengaging" in the argument in your mind by thinking about it and instead of getting carried away by internaly insulting that classmate and reliving the bad situation just count : 1 ..when it comes again ..realize it: "ah there it is again : 2" ...and so on...

Sometimes you will find yourself beeing in the middle of reliving the situation and insult that mate of yours and then realising: oh ...ok ..3 ...  do it all the time and by that you disengage from the useless waste of energy that kind of confrontations bring... You don´t have to be the slave of your lower self aka. hate, anger, spite etc...