The Joker, Jester, Clown ?? Wth Is Going On

[Mehyar]

have any body seen a joker/clown/jester while tripping ?

long story short , i need help knowing what is the joker or what is he or what is he supposed to do

i had a very emotionally violent events in 2016, i think at one point i died because i saw my face on a pixilated cube that looked like a digital box and it was spinning

some how that event blew me out of reality and i lost everyone in my life, today is my birthday , i have different emotions that i had yesterday

i'm just curious, if any body knows of any useful resources i can use, like books or articles, ill be so thankful

the fact that i don't know who am i anymore is freaking me out 

so any suggestion is largely appreciated   

[Emerald]

Well, the joker/fool is an archetypal symbol that has brandished itself in many cultures. I looked up the tarot meaning for you, though tarot isn't the only context that you'll find this archetype in. In the tarot deck, it is the only card that doesn't have a specific place that it's supposed to be in so it is given the #0. It can go at the end of the deck or the beginning of the deck, much like an Ace can be either the highest or lowest value. It represents the end of the old things in life and the beginning of new things. It is the number of unlimited potential. In fact, some theories that I read say that the entire tarot deck is representative of the journey of the fool moving through the major and minor arcana. So, it can represent a very positive change and a journey into the unknown. But it can also represent a kind of ignorance and going into uncharted territory in a very reckless way. Trying to be in the moment without regard to planning. Following the heart, without bringing your brain along. Either way, it's a card of journeying, change, mystery, birth, death, and the unknown. 

Given your experience, I would say that it's fitting that you have seen the joker in your vision.

This actually reminds me of something just now. I haven't thought about it in over a decade. Back in 2005, when my friend Andrew was 19, he smoked PCP and a poster with the joker (from ICP) on it started talking to him. It told him that he needed to leave Michigan and move to Florida, and that if he didn't that he would get sucked into very negative things there, namely crime, drugs, and death. So, he made a huge life change and left a couple days later, and I met him shortly after he moved when we were co-workers. I'm not sure if this relates to this but I know that he was having some of the same feelings then. He had many spiritual struggles, and ended up having some major delusions a few years later. So, be sure to try to ground yourself as much as possible in reality and don't let yourself float away. 

I have also experienced similar feelings to what you're feeling. When I was 20, I felt very lost. I really fell down a few rabbit holes and it took me years of work to climb back out. But I'm wiser and more spiritually mature for it now, I think. It's given me a lot of perspective. But it literally felt like my soul got pushed back into myself a few feet for a long time. And it was like a big bubble had popped in me, releasing all the "demons and angels" (so to speak) I had been repressing for years. So, my recommendation is to try to accept where you are with a sense of equanimity and curiosity. Explore the unknown territory that you've unwillingly found yourself in, but remain grounded in everyday life and find small joys in the mundane. You'll be surprised at what can grow in that empty field you've crash-landed in. 

[Nahm]

@Mehyar Happy birthday. You got a gift for your birthday from the universe. If you are not someone now, you get to start from zero on momentum and be who you want. Choose. 

[Mehyar]

@Emerald thank you, actually it was few ppl i did few trippin experinces with who saw the joker, i only saw my face, i have never experienced any entities but my face in/on a box that looked like a screen

whats funny compared to your friend story was that i also had a major life altering event had move recently from NY to florida, idk why exactly that happened , but i know i feel that i need to be here , and everything bad back in NY, vanished. from bad situations, friends or GF also dissapeared

Also, all the of the sudden, i don't have any fears or insecurities, but confusion and curiosity. my diet changed completely.

im reaching out to sooo many resources to try to understand , i read some of joseph campell work , and discovered the hero's journey only to realize all moveis and shows and TV serious is the same exact scene that's being repeated over and over and over

i came across the book of changes , i read many many biographies because i'm sensing that my life story is being repeated and have been even before i was born , not to mention that a bad event always happen to me either on Halloween or xmass

i'm aware now that i have a lot of work to do to try to balance my life out, but i don't know where to start.

all of the sudden i lost interest of many things i used to like and all materialistic desires. 

i know im not going crazy, but i know there is way more than what ever this is we call life , and i know or i feel that im being directed in some crazy way to do things and know more

thank you for your response   

[Mehyar]

@Fidelio your a 100% correct, i posted this because i think i am that fool , and i was living my life exactly how all cultures interpreted the joker

but i don't like being the fool or the entertainer any more , i only get hurt and back stabbed by ppl i love

what is interesting is that i discovered that my life is a Cycle, and i'm stuck in this Cycle

to the point that now im trying to recall my life events in the past to try to calculate when am i going to fall in love again

i have fallen in love 3 times and lost the love of my life multiple times, only later to discover that those lovers i lost are the same person (internally), and i will meet them again in a different form just to learn another lesson, sad huh 

i hate being the star , i no longer want to be the center of attention , i just want to be left alone of so much criticism i have recieved in 2016, although i always was trying to be a hero for ppl i care about, but recently i was described by all the ppl i know as the devil , imagine that.

 

[Mehyar]

@Nahm thank you , i kind of noticed that, i also noticed also its a gift and a curse at the same time

i come from Syria, and i don't know if what ever experience i went through recently to send me to hell only is a wake up call or something

i don't care who i will be, i just want to help ppl and not get criticized by my extreme curiosity to see, experience and    know things.

i am 31 right now, i thought i knew alot. Turns out i didn't know anything

 

[Mehyar]

@Nahm another question 

who's Ganesha ? when i was 13 years old i had a dream when i was sick, ill never forget

the dream was of a pink elephant was sitting on top of me , and it was not heavy, and i was looking at him with my eyes but not tilting my head 

i don't know if this is relevant , but i had this dream 18 years ago and i would never forget it

do you know of any Hindu resources or book i can read that relate to Ganesha and the mouse he is riding ?

[Nahm]

@Mehyar It is what you say it is. No one else is in your head constructing your thoughts. What does it mean Mehyar?

[Mehyar]

@Nahm well, it's all in my head, it means i could be the mouse , but why ? 

Im sorry for too many questions, its who i am since i was a kid, i just want to know more and collect as much information as possible about everything,   but last few months proved me that i absolutely  know nothing, when i thought i knew more than most  thank you for your feedback again

[Nahm]

@Nahm you are what you think you are while you are.