What Girls Are Looking For. When Should I Get A Girl?

[Guest username]

@Emerald @electroBeam What I'm finding is that it's important to study the perspectives of both men and women. Men will naturally give better advice to men about what to do to attract women and communicate with each other more on the same wavelength and well as having the outsider's perspective, but no matter how skilled a man is at attracting a woman, there are certain things only women know about women.

Similarly, women make observations about men that men can't make about themselves,, if this weren't the case, women wouldn't be better at manipulating men in general than vice versa.  I imagine when men refuse to listen to women, it's like how I felt when speaking to jaded women that wouldn't even consider that they didn't truly understand me.

I've been studying the dynamic in the most unbiased manner that I have been able to, and there is a lot of small picture thinking and personal bias on all sides, even among the most introspective among us. The truth is that this stuff is super complicated and we all have much to learn from each other.

Men who claim to be misogynistic often very clearly have resentment toward the opposite sex.

But the same is true of women toward men.  I find with men it's more obvious while women are better at creating narratives that shift the blame on to others. 

I haven't spoken to one woman that's demonstrated to me an adequate understanding of what pick-up and seduction actually is, which is understandable, as they aren't the ones spending time from the man's perspective learning what is involved.  Most seem to mistake it for old school PUA, which is entirely different. It's not so much about manipulation and tricks as it is understanding how attraction works and optimizing your behavior to give yourself the best chances.  The only thing that really separates real pick-up from ordinary life is the fact that it is structured and taught as a skill instead of something that occurs by happenstance. Doing pick-up and being authentic aren't necessarily mutually exclusive, but they totally can be.

That includes:

-Dressing better

-Grooming better

- Lifting

-Improving social intelligence

-And much more.

That's not what a lot of people think of PUA, but good game is like good plastic surgery. You don't notice it for what it is.  The only pick up that really gets noticed as pick-up is the blatantly manipulative and poorly done pick-up. 

There's even a concept in pick-up that tells people about the importance of being authentic; it's called congruence, and it's very important concept. The thing is improving your ability to interact with and understand the opposite sex and also modify your behavior in accordance with your new level of insight isn't inauthentic-- it's just growth. 

The mistake a lot of men make is assuming that listening to women is of no value because they are completely unconscious of what attracts them. To some extent this is true-- don't ask a fish how to catch a fish, even the ones that know what they're doing. However, it's a fallacy to not listen to women because they know more about their inner state than you do. The guys who are best with women aren't just running some bag of tricks based off of some unsophisticated algorithm; they are using their references experiences to help develop MASSIVE social intelligence and empathy, which is only done through interacting with women and listening to them on multiple levels. 

It's also not that women are less self-aware than men are. Men also can't tell women how to seduce men, even if we think we do. We can certainly give pointers , tell them about what turns us on, etc. but ultimately we don't know what it's like to be women, so we can't tell what it's like to be immersed in the process of attracting a man and all the various struggles women go through in pursuing their relationships.

Just like any other endeavor, there is much to be learned from multiple perspectives. There are certain aspects, such as which actions men can take and how to deal with the particular struggles a man goes through in attracting women that are best learned from other men who have the success you want. There are other aspects, such as how a woman is feeling as a particular point in time, or how her relationships have affected her life, and the peculiarities of her struggle that you can never know unless you talk and  actually listen.  That is all important stuff to know if you want to be really good with her because that's what allows you to have calibration and adapt to the situation.  If you don't take the time to listen to how things actually effect women, you might be getting laid on the regular, but you might also be leaving them feel used, unappreciated, hurt, etc. Do you really want to be an unethical douchebag for the sake of getting some pussy?

 Relationships are dynamic processes where you have to think on your feet to ever changing circumstances, not a uniform process like doing arithmetic. 

Women tend to not be aware of the fact that the there are a lot of things men notice about them that they are simply not able to notice about themselves and in some ways are simply not able to give the same sort of advice to men, no matter how introspective the woman is, as other men can give to each other.

Men tend to not be aware of the fact that there are a lot of things women notice about them that they are simply not able to notice about themselves and in some ways are simply not able to give the same sort of advice to women, no matter how introspective that man is, as other women can give to each other.

The problem is most of the time, seduction/game is not done well or consciously. Most people don't live authentic lives or live consciously so systematically improving their ability to influence others will also be tainted by their unconsciousness. 

Game is just knowledge and is neutral.  It is social intelligence, not a bag of magic tricks.

There is nothing inherently unethical about learning how to get what you want by understand how things work. When you fail to take the other person's needs into account, that's a different matter.

[Emerald]

11 hours ago, username said:

@Emerald @electroBeam What I'm finding is that it's important to study the perspectives of both men and women. Men will naturally give better advice to men about what to do to attract women and communicate with each other more on the same wavelength and well as having the outsider's perspective, but no matter how skilled a man is at attracting a woman, there are certain things only women know about women.

Similarly, women make observations about men that men can't make about themselves,, if this weren't the case, women wouldn't be better at manipulating men in general than vice versa.  I imagine when men refuse to listen to women, it's like how I felt when speaking to jaded women that wouldn't even consider that they didn't truly understand me.

I've been studying the dynamic in the most unbiased manner that I have been able to, and there is a lot of small picture thinking and personal bias on all sides, even among the most introspective among us. The truth is that this stuff is super complicated and we all have much to learn from each other.

Men who claim to be misogynistic often very clearly have resentment toward the opposite sex.

But the same is true of women toward men.  I find with men it's more obvious while women are better at creating narratives that shift the blame on to others. 

I haven't spoken to one woman that's demonstrated to me an adequate understanding of what pick-up and seduction actually is, which is understandable, as they aren't the ones spending time from the man's perspective learning what is involved.  Most seem to mistake it for old school PUA, which is entirely different. It's not so much about manipulation and tricks as it is understanding how attraction works and optimizing your behavior to give yourself the best chances.  The only thing that really separates real pick-up from ordinary life is the fact that it is structured and taught as a skill instead of something that occurs by happenstance. Doing pick-up and being authentic aren't necessarily mutually exclusive, but they totally can be.

That includes:

-Dressing better

-Grooming better

- Lifting

-Improving social intelligence

-And much more.

That's not what a lot of people think of PUA, but good game is like good plastic surgery. You don't notice it for what it is.  The only pick up that really gets noticed as pick-up is the blatantly manipulative and poorly done pick-up. 

There's even a concept in pick-up that tells people about the importance of being authentic; it's called congruence, and it's very important concept. The thing is improving your ability to interact with and understand the opposite sex and also modify your behavior in accordance with your new level of insight isn't inauthentic-- it's just growth. 

The mistake a lot of men make is assuming that listening to women is of no value because they are completely unconscious of what attracts them. To some extent this is true-- don't ask a fish how to catch a fish, even the ones that know what they're doing. However, it's a fallacy to not listen to women because they know more about their inner state than you do. The guys who are best with women aren't just running some bag of tricks based off of some unsophisticated algorithm; they are using their references experiences to help develop MASSIVE social intelligence and empathy, which is only done through interacting with women and listening to them on multiple levels. 

It's also not that women are less self-aware than men are. Men also can't tell women how to seduce men, even if we think we do. We can certainly give pointers , tell them about what turns us on, etc. but ultimately we don't know what it's like to be women, so we can't tell what it's like to be immersed in the process of attracting a man and all the various struggles women go through in pursuing their relationships.

Just like any other endeavor, there is much to be learned from multiple perspectives. There are certain aspects, such as which actions men can take and how to deal with the particular struggles a man goes through in attracting women that are best learned from other men who have the success you want. There are other aspects, such as how a woman is feeling as a particular point in time, or how her relationships have affected her life, and the peculiarities of her struggle that you can never know unless you talk and  actually listen.  That is all important stuff to know if you want to be really good with her because that's what allows you to have calibration and adapt to the situation.  If you don't take the time to listen to how things actually effect women, you might be getting laid on the regular, but you might also be leaving them feel used, unappreciated, hurt, etc. Do you really want to be an unethical douchebag for the sake of getting some pussy?

 Relationships are dynamic processes where you have to think on your feet to ever changing circumstances, not a uniform process like doing arithmetic. 

Women tend to not be aware of the fact that the there are a lot of things men notice about them that they are simply not able to notice about themselves and in some ways are simply not able to give the same sort of advice to men, no matter how introspective the woman is, as other men can give to each other.

Men tend to not be aware of the fact that there are a lot of things women notice about them that they are simply not able to notice about themselves and in some ways are simply not able to give the same sort of advice to women, no matter how introspective that man is, as other women can give to each other.

The problem is most of the time, seduction/game is not done well or consciously. Most people don't live authentic lives or live consciously so systematically improving their ability to influence others will also be tainted by their unconsciousness. 

Game is just knowledge and is neutral.  It is social intelligence, not a bag of magic tricks.

There is nothing inherently unethical about learning how to get what you want by understand how things work. When you fail to take the other person's needs into account, that's a different matter.

I agree with this. That's really my main point. You can know what works as a man in the dating game, but hearing WHY it works is also very important for those seeking a longterm relationship. And you'll want to have a neutral woman's perspective for this with a high degree of self-awareness... though don't ask the girl you like. This is especially true for the type of partner you want to attract and for which purposes. I can tell you what turns me off really easily, and if I perceive a guy to be manipulative or outright trying to make me feel bad, I will lose attraction. It's happened to me many times before. I just lose interest. Some women are attracted to that though. But these women tend to be very neurotic and get into mutually toxic relationships. 

[Toby]

ok... maybe not that funny...

[Guest Annetta]

@SFRL @Toby

I feel like you guys might get a kick out of this.

[Shin]

This one is good too.

 

 

[Guest Annetta]

@Fidelio Ubann'd but I thought I'd share.

Ruh roh, time for a midnight Scooby snack.
@Shin That was heartbreaking.  

Edited June 16, 2017 by Annetta

[HikiNEET]

What are you looking for in a girl?

[Jordan wang]

@SFRL this is the thing, If I want to fuck a girl and get rid of my virginity. I can set it as my goal, and I would lose it really fast. But the thing is: it's my first time, shouldn't I be taking it easy and wait it out for one girl that I have some meaningful connection with? 

  If I want to I can just go to a party and get myself laid, but I don't know if that is what I want.

what do you think?

by the way, that thing you guys were doing with my last name... I don't know what to say about it.