What Girls Are Looking For. When Should I Get A Girl?

[Emerald]

@Shin Thanks for the support.

@SFRL Just one more thing... a panty raid isn't what you think it is. A panty raid is when you sneak into a woman's house and steal a pair of panties from her underwear drawer... perhaps for the purposes of wearing them yourself or just having them as a keepsake. If you use that phrase, people may assume that you're either a serious creep who sneaks into women's homes... or simply that you don't have much sexual experience and have no idea what you're talking about...

[Emerald]

5 minutes ago, Fidelio said:

You'd probably have no way of knowing this, but a "panty raid" isn't a real thing, and it's only on the internet because it has appeared in movies--and as is so often the case, when something is in a movie sometimes people who don't have a lot of "real world" experience can get confused about if it really happens or not. You might be able to find an instance where it occured, but if so, it would either be someone trying to be ironic, or life imitating art (monkey see monkey do).

I assure you, if this was brought up with a group of guys (if they even got the reference), they'd bust up laughing. I'm afraid what he said would be immediately understood--a crude way of saying trying to have sex with a girl "raid her panties".

(Today's colloquialism brought to you by: Tide! It gets the semen stains out of even motel sheets.)

Actually, it was an old dormitory prank and it DOES actually still happen... though not usually as a prank done by a group. But most people know the reference from popular culture's reference to it. But if I heard a guy say that, I would definitely know what he was trying to say, but I would also assume that he didn't actually know what a panty raid really is and as a consequence also suspect that he didn't know very much about sex in general due to the mix up. And some people may take it literally and even assume that he sneaks into women's panty drawers. So, it was just a fair warning for avoiding unnecessary embarrassment in the future. 

[Emerald]

12 minutes ago, Fidelio said:

...I'm afraid Wikipedia is not a good substitute for real world experience. I only replied because I thought this was funny, not to call you out on it. I've never heard of this happening, and I've never heard it ever used in conversation. I have, however, heard variations on the "imma raid her panties" comment--which translated would read thusly: "Hello my good fellows in this here locker room. You know that young lady who arrived in the horse and carriage with the chaperone? I will attempt to copulate with said woman tonight after the debutant ball. I wish to measure her skill at bobbing for apples, my good chaps."

Unless you were born in the 1930s and went to one of the handful of universities in the 1950s where something like you described occured (but the women were in on it), or saw one of the movies based on one of these 1950s universities (such as Animal House), you'd probably have no idea about this. Since negative attitudes toward sex before marriage on college campuses doesn't exist anymore (and hasn't since the 1950s), and school officials don't make anti-fraternization policies anymore (and haven't  since the 1950s), it wouldn't make sense for this sort of "protest" to occur anywhere unless it was some sort of meta or ironic joke. But you said you know of it happening?

What I'm saying is that some people do actually steal ladies' underwear still. It happened to my stepsister when we were 14. One of our (admittedly very strange) male friends (named Mike no less... hmm), who she actually ended up dating later, snuck into her room and took them from her when he was visiting. I remember us laughing about it back then. It really does happen. We didn't really see it as messed up back then though. But we joked about him being a "panty raider" because we'd seen the reference before in movies and tv shows.

Also, it was just strangely worded the way he put what he said about "raiding your first panty". So, it didn't look like he was using at a euphemism. So, I assumed that either a) he may not know what it actually means as a result of just being mistaken or hearing it used out of context or b) may speak English as his second language and have the wrong impression about what the expression actually means. There are a lot of people who don't speak English as their first language on this forum. And since he didn't understand my post from earlier, I thought that this might have been the reason why. But generally, I wouldn't correct someone on this and would just assume that they were using it as a euphemism. 

 

 

[Guest Annetta]

 

[Emerald]

18 minutes ago, Fidelio said:

Yikes, if someone stole your friend's panties that's not a panty raid--that's just a pervert stealing underwear. Maybe he stole it to wear it like Jse used to do, or maybe to sniff them while stroking his wang like our friend Jordan Wang with his sister's panties. Either way, they needed to kick that mini-Ted Bundy out of the trailer park.

Yeah. He was a strange character. He was 19 at the time too. So, it was totally illegal each way you sliced it, since she (like myself) was 14. But I lived in such a bizzarro world (trailer town, Florida) when I was a teenager that abnormal honestly seemed more normal than normal. I was really well-adjusted to that world. There are things that I totally put up with (and even advocated for) as a teenager and thought were normal that I recognize are pretty messed up now. Relative to others in my circle of people, Mike was relatively normative and was a pretty nice guy. I really don't think he realized that what he was doing was messed up. He genuinely didn't see that he was doing anything wrong. Plus, he was a kleptomaniac in general, so you always had to expect something to go missing when he was around. It just so happened to be panties that time. 

 

[electroBeam]

On 6/13/2017 at 3:36 AM, Seed said:

 

@Emerald

I agree, women understand themselves, their emotions and what they desire so much more than a man can every begin to comtemplate. It is funny to see them try though.

However, these rules will work for a pool of unconscious women, but are they really what you want? Only you can answer that.

 

 

@Emerald

It makes sense from your perspective that you 2 would know how to attract women more than us. But that's not the case.

Just because you guys have awareness of what is happening inside your skull, doesn't mean you guys know, or are aware of why those things in your skull pop up in the first place, let alone have full awareness of the techniques guys pull, and how that effects your thoughts and desires.

This leads to a lot of projection and misleading information, and honestly thinking you know more than you do, hence why guys don't usually want to ask a girl what attracts them.

Sometimes it is useful, but often times it is not.

The other point you're forgetting is that, to teach someone to attract a girl, you need to be able to organize information in a palatable way, and give him a certain perspective so that he can dualistically think of a way of attracting them. This first person perspective from a woman doesn't even provide a slight tint of this. But guys who have tried these techniques, like Leo and RSD Tyler, have observed things from a dualistic, scientific perspective, which makes it much easier to turn that info into techniques for getting girls. 

This is a well known problem in cognitive psychology, and is the reason why cognitive psychology was made in the first place. Science and duality is a made up framework. And its not compatible with truth; your first person experience, for it to be useful. 

The reason why scientists didn't ask Einstein for a reason as to why he was so smart, is because from his first person perspective, he couldn't provide a scientific reason for it, no matter how good of a scientist he was. That's why scientists looked at his brain after his death, and found the centre of it to be 2wice as big as the other parts.

The reason why guys don't ask girls for what attracts girls is because their 1st person perspective isn't useful for our dualistic understandings., and hence our techniques.

What you guys say(assuming your as aware as the buddha) is more true than what guys say, but our murky beliefs are more useful than your observations.

 

From your perspective, you don't like bad emotions. But the problem here is then you go and assume:

- bad emotions makes guys less likely to get a girl

- that bad emotions are useless

- women will ditch a guy because of bad emotions.

Yes you might know more about whether a certain thing we do brings up bad emotions, but let me tell you, guys know more about how those bad emotions make you react. It doesn't even matter what's happening inside your head, as long as we know what behavior yields what, we've achieved our goal.

Edited June 13, 2017 by electroBeam

[SFRL]

@Emerald You don't agree with the full spectrum of emotions. But yet here you are still going at it. What are you getting out if it? Looks like emotional stimulaton to me. 

I thought you were done anyways. Now its one more thing. And then one more thing. Just throwing insults out there. Just because you see something you don't agree with. Are you not supposed to be some spirituality Guru or something? Because you are dropping the act right now. 

Edited June 14, 2017 by SFRL

[Emerald]

52 minutes ago, SFRL said:

@Emerald You don't agree with the full spectrum of emotions. But yet here you are still going at it. What are you getting out if it? Looks like emotional stimulaton to me. 

I thought you were done anyways. Now its one more thing. And then one more thing. Just throwing insults out there. Just because you see something you don't agree with. Are you not supposed to be some spirituality Guru or something? Because you are dropping the act right now. 

That's true. It's an ego thing. Your comments were needlessly rude to me, so I'm messing with you a bit and busting your chops. It's not about your disagreement. I would have left you alone and/or leveled with you and added to your perspective. But I am also still trying to help you because I see a person who's boxed into a bad place. Even though you got on my nerves earlier and agitated some of my own wounds, I know that you're likely suffering a lot more because of the quickness with which you were triggered and lashed out at my first post to you like a dog with a thorn in its paw who is protective of its wound. But my post honestly was in good spirits and not antagonistic to you at all. I was just trying to convey some nuance to the topic that many men may miss. The PUA techniques work but work for different reasons. And the reason why creating negative emotions works is because you're picking up a woman with issues. It's not a trait of a psychologically healthy woman. So, I was a tad surprised by the lashing out and misogynistic response. Guys on here are usually very respectful to me even if they have had issues with women or disagree with me. 

It is my goal for my life to help others navigate their way out of suffering. But I am still identified as an ego, so I get hung up on my identifications and I'm very stubborn. But I'm trying to be better, and like I said before, it's all I really know how to do at this point. It's not a conscious choice of mine to not be enlightened, so all I can do at this point is share my observations. But if a person is rude to me for no good reason, then I may tend to get a little passive aggressive and take a few jabs at them or get into pissing contests with them. But I'm experimenting with the thought that the way out of the childish behavior is through it. That said, I still think that my advice is still good advice to listen to... if you want to attract a psychologically healthy woman for a long term relationship (like Jordan Wang seemed to be) and if you want to avoid mixing up words and seeming inexperienced with sex. 

[Emerald]

2 hours ago, electroBeam said:

@Emerald

It makes sense from your perspective that you 2 would know how to attract women more than us. But that's not the case.

Just because you guys have awareness of what is happening inside your skull, doesn't mean you guys know, or are aware of why those things in your skull pop up in the first place, let alone have full awareness of the techniques guys pull, and how that effects your thoughts and desires.

This leads to a lot of projection and misleading information, and honestly thinking you know more than you do, hence why guys don't usually want to ask a girl what attracts them.

Sometimes it is useful, but often times it is not.

The other point you're forgetting is that, to teach someone to attract a girl, you need to be able to organize information in a palatable way, and give him a certain perspective so that he can dualistically think of a way of attracting them. This first person perspective from a woman doesn't even provide a slight tint of this. But guys who have tried these techniques, like Leo and RSD Tyler, have observed things from a dualistic, scientific perspective, which makes it much easier to turn that info into techniques for getting girls. 

This is a well known problem in cognitive psychology, and is the reason why cognitive psychology was made in the first place. Science and duality is a made up framework. And its not compatible with truth; your first person experience, for it to be useful. 

The reason why scientists didn't ask Einstein for a reason as to why he was so smart, is because from his first person perspective, he couldn't provide a scientific reason for it, no matter how good of a scientist he was. That's why scientists looked at his brain after his death, and found the centre of it to be 2wice as big as the other parts.

The reason why guys don't ask girls for what attracts girls is because their 1st person perspective isn't useful for our dualistic understandings., and hence our techniques.

What you guys say(assuming your as aware as the buddha) is more true than what guys say, but our murky beliefs are more useful than your observations.

 

From your perspective, you don't like bad emotions. But the problem here is then you go and assume:

- bad emotions makes guys less likely to get a girl

- that bad emotions are useless

- women will ditch a guy because of bad emotions.

Yes you might know more about whether a certain thing we do brings up bad emotions, but let me tell you, guys know more about how those bad emotions make you react. It doesn't even matter what's happening inside your head, as long as we know what behavior yields what, we've achieved our goal.

I understand your thought, and it's not all wrong. First off, definitely don't ask the woman you're attracted to what she's attracted to. That messes up the dynamic and makes things awkward.

But on a more relevant note, it is true that you may understand from the outside what works in the field better than a woman who has never examined her internal reactions very much. And many women haven't. But as a woman who is about a decade older than you, who has done a lot of introspection, I can tell you that different pick up techniques work for different reasons on different types of people. So, you, as a man, can definitely know what works. But I know what works and why it works. And the WHY is very important if you're looking for a long-term relationship like the creator of this thread.

Creating negative emotions in a woman will send a sane woman who has high self-esteem in the opposite direction. She will recognize the manipulation tactic of purposefully negging her and determine that the man is not worth her time. This woman knows that she'll get whatever she's willing to accept. But a woman with a lot of self-esteem issues will be even more attracted to you because she will be driven to prove her worth to you and seek your approval. This might seem like a positive thing from a pick-up perspective, and it does make for an easy one-night-stand. But for a long term relationship, you will be getting yourself into a very negative situation with an emotionally vampiric person. So, since Jordan Wang is 18 years old with a lot of life ahead of him, my advice is to avoid that tactic to avoid getting into a commitment with this type of person. 

[electroBeam]

33 minutes ago, Emerald said:

And the WHY is very important if you're looking for a long-term relationship like the creator of this thread.

pickup and a long term relationship, is as different as the night and the day.

35 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Creating negative emotions in a woman will send a sane woman who has high self-esteem in the opposite direction. She will recognize the manipulation tactic of purposefully negging her and determine that the man is not worth her time.

This person is also 0.01% of the population, if she exists at all.

You have to first attract a girl, and then you can do stuff that makes a relationship successful.

Like girls wear makeup for a reason. I could tell a girl on here "Don't wear makeup, you'll attract all the douchebags who only care about looks" but you know as well as me that high quality guys also care about looks.

And I'm speaking from experience. I'm in a relationship now, and I go there from using certain tactics, and then stopping those tactics after the relationship got serious. Just because you're a decade older, doesn't mean I have no xp with women.

[Emerald]

49 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

pickup and a long term relationship, is as different as the night and the day.

That's true. Which is why I recommended avoiding using any negative emotion inducing pick up techniques when searching for a long-term relationship.

49 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

This person is also 0.01% of the population, if she exists at all.

You have to first attract a girl, and then you can do stuff that makes a relationship successful.

Like girls wear makeup for a reason. I could tell a girl on here "Don't wear makeup, you'll attract all the douchebags who only care about looks" but you know as well as me that high quality guys also care about looks.

And I'm speaking from experience. I'm in a relationship now, and I go there from using certain tactics, and then stopping those tactics after the relationship got serious. Just because you're a decade older, doesn't mean I have no xp with women.

Don't get caught up in the scarcity mindset. Healthy women do exist, and you will be able to find some of them that are attracted to you as long as you yourself are psychologically healthy and stable. There are many dysfunctional people in society but you can always find someone who isn't dysfunctional. And you're better off being alone than with a dysfunctional person... especially if your goal is to self-actualize. Solitude is a lot more friendly.

I do understand that you have some experience with dating women and attracting women, and I'm not trying to take any progress away from you. I'm sure that you know how to do the attraction and initial part just fine. But this is only the very beginning of things. I'm not really talking about the attraction part (as in your make-up example)... I'm talking about the later consequences of who you attract. Make-up attracts a variety of men: healthy and unhealthy. So, men being attracted to a woman who wears make-up won't tell you much about his character. You have to use other ways to find out. Negative emotions only attract a certain type of women who are very unhealthy, and will eventually cause strain on your life if it turns serious. The attraction based on negative emotions, in itself, is the litmus test. 

I have also spent almost twelve years of my life (between two different partners) in committed relationships where we lived together. And if you haven't co-habitated with a dysfunctional partner and been in a serious relationship for more than six months, then you have no idea how dark and depressing your life can get simply because of your choice in partners. Anyone who has been in an unhealthy relationship will tell you this. What I've found is that you can only ever be as happy as your partner is. And if your partner is chronically negative or having issues, then you will not be able to be happy. It's like being in prison. And if your partner is unstable, then you will be unstable. 

But you do have to attract a girl first. So, you want to make sure that the girl you attract is psychologically healthy and stable. And women who respond with attraction to negativity are usually the opposite. Feel okay with having high standards in this way. Remember you don't need a relationship, you want a relationship. And if you want sweetness in your relationship, avoid attracting women through negging or making them feel negative in some way. As you become more psychologically healthy, women who mirror your tendencies will be more attracted to you. But I understand that you're in a relationship, so I hope that works out well. 

Edited June 14, 2017 by Emerald

[SFRL]

36 minutes ago, Emerald said:

That's true. Which is why I recommended avoiding using any negative emotion inducing pick up techniques when searching for a long-term relationship.

Don't get caught up in the scarcity mindset. Healthy women do exist, and you will be able to find some of them that are attracted to you as long as you yourself are psychologically healthy and stable. There are many dysfunctional people in society but you can always find someone who isn't dysfunctional. And you're better off being alone than with a dysfunctional person... especially if your goal is to self-actualize. Solitude is a lot more friendly.

I do understand that you have some experience with dating women and attracting women, and I'm not trying to take any progress away from you. I'm sure that you know how to do the attraction and initial part just fine. But this is only the very beginning of things. I'm not really talking about the attraction part (as in your make-up example)... I'm talking about the later consequences of who you attract. Make-up attracts a variety of men: healthy and unhealthy. So, men being attracted to a woman who wears make-up won't tell you much about his character. You have to use other ways to find out. Negative emotions only attract a certain type of women who are very unhealthy, and will eventually cause strain on your life if it turns serious. The attraction based on negative emotions, in itself, is the litmus test. 

I have also spent almost twelve years of my life (between two different partners) in committed relationships where we lived together. And if you haven't co-habitated with a dysfunctional partner and been in a serious relationship for more than six months, then you have no idea how dark and depressing your life can get simply because of your choice in partners. Anyone who has been in an unhealthy relationship will tell you this. What I've found is that you can only ever be as happy as your partner is. And if your partner is chronically negative or having issues, then you will not be able to be happy. It's like being in prison. And if your partner is unstable, then you will be unstable. 

But you do have to attract a girl first. So, you want to make sure that the girl you attract is psychologically healthy and stable. And women who respond with attraction to negativity are usually the opposite. Feel okay with having high standards in this way. Remember you don't need a relationship, you want a relationship. And if you want sweetness in your relationship, avoid attracting women through negging or making them feel negative in some way. As you become more psychologically healthy, women who mirror this tendency will be more attracted to you. But I understand that you're in a relationship, so I hope that works out well. 

Sounds like your own personal baggage.

Also yeah you got those experiences. Guess what other people got their experiences with relationships as well. 

Its a forum you really have no idea who you are talking to but you assume that your experience goes far beyond the life experience of other people. 

We were,done talking already, we can keep it that way. I have started my vacation now. I really got better things to do. 

[Emerald]

7 minutes ago, SFRL said:

We were,done talking already, we can keep it that way. I have started my vacation now. I really got better things to do. 

But why did you respond to my comment to Electrobeam, if you didn't want to continue talking to me? It's because you want to be my best friend, isn't it?  But you have a good night.

[Guest Annetta]

What if I am dysfunctional in some ways and am worried that these might be irreparable.  Should I remain single?  How can I ever start a relationship with someone if they still exist?

[Prabhaker]

1 minute ago, Annetta said:

 Should I remain single?

In a relationship either there is an ugly compromise , or else passion that eventually turns into hate. In a better, more intelligent world, people will love, but will not make any contracts.

[Guest Annetta]

@Prabhaker Are you referring to celibacy, polyamory or an open relationship?

[Emerald]

2 minutes ago, Annetta said:

What if I am dysfunctional in some ways and am worried that these might be irreparable.  Should I remain single?  How can I ever start a relationship with someone if they still exist?

Unless your 'dysfunction' is something of a chemical based or brain structural based disorder, like Schizophrenia, you will be able to let go of it because it's not really real, even though it seems real and has real consequences for your life. And even if you do suffer from a disorder like this, you can still let go of any psychological baggage that you've picked up through the circumstances of your life. It's just that you have to really dig into the emotions and mindsets that keep the dysfunctions and feelings of inadequacy in place. The best case scenario would be to drop the illusion of the self as it will make it clear that the problems with the self are actually illusions. But Shadow work and other integrative processes can help too. But I would try to remain single until you really work on yourself if you feel like your psychological state would lead you into a dysfunctional relationship. So, you want to first cultivate strong boundaries, assertiveness, a sense of self sufficiency and self respect, and to let go of the need for a relationship. After you feel like you've gotten these traits to about an average level, dating and relationships will likely be a much more pleasant experience instead of something that weighs you down. But the thing is that you have to really want it first. If your sense of 'dysfunction' is serving you in some way that you're not yet aware of, then it will be a difficult thing to let go of. So, if your sense of dysfunction helps you avoid some kind of emotional discomfort, then you have to be willing to face that emotional discomfort head on and take complete ownership of it. 

[Prabhaker]

@Annetta

The moment the man feels that now his beloved holds no joy for him, he will say that the time has come to part. There is no need for marriage, there is no need for divorce. Then friendship will be possible. 

Friendship is possible between equal human beings, totally free from all bondage of society, culture, civilization, only living true to their authentic nature. It is not an insult to the woman to say, "Honey, the honeymoon is over." It is not an insult to the man if the woman says, "Now things cannot be beautiful. The wind that has blown is no longer there. The season has changed, it is no longer spring between us; no flowers blossom, no fragrance arises. It is time to part." 

Love is not a relationship, if you want to grow into a meditator, never compromise with your freedom.

[Spiral]

I don't know about you people, but don't people you like just come and go? If you meet one you like let them know, if you don't tell or don't find anyone  you like then focus on something else. 

@Jordan wang Do I wish i would have been more active with girls when I was 13-19, yeah sure. But only to learn and possible to have a bit more "fun". I would not really considered a big loss if you don't, work on yourself instead.

Girls "only" primarily you with provide with more confidence and some knowledge about them. They can also waste a lot of your time so I would recommend doing something else for now. Experience new things, travel(even within the same country), make new friends(possibly female?), try different jobs and if you meet one on way: good for you.

The worst thing you can do is to just sit at home on your spare time and be pissed about being inexperienced. Watching self-help videos all day is not gonna do it either, that's a what i've did, don't make the same mistake.If you do something more with your life, you'll be a better version of yourself and girls will come naturally

 

[Guest Annetta]

@Fidelio Ok cool!  Thanks!