What Girls Are Looking For. When Should I Get A Girl?

[Jordan wang]

So apparently people have been telling me that a lot of the concepts I have about girls are false. I am just posting this to clarify some concepts.

First a little about me: 

I am a virgin, male 18 years old. 6'1'', and probably one of the most athletic 18 years old you have ever seen. (I've got pretty much everything but six packs, can only see my six packs when I flex my muscles. All my muscles are also well balanced) I don't look bad either. 

I am not experienced with girls at all, had one girlfriend and the relationship didn't last long. 

I stutter (medium severity), which gives me somewhat lower confidence than normal boys who have this kind of body... 

Anyways, I am into self development right now, combined with my stuttering, don't really have that many friends. (I don't go looking for them either because I need to study and figure out my life purpose)

Once I'm done finding out my life purpose, I will probably take a course on how to attract girls (or start doing some research on pick up methods and become serious about finding a girlfriend)

But I also want a girl friend right now. Just want to know if those concept about girls are true.

 

1, Girls are not that attracted to high social status. 

I've been told that social status is only 5% of what girls are looking for. Is this true? 

2, stuttering doesn't matter?

Do most girls judge guys who stutter? I've talked to some girls who responded badly as soon as I started stuttering...

Girls need security right? Would a guy who stutter give her enough security?

3, girl social circle

If I find a girlfriend, I would need to fit into her social circle. I don't have a lot of time to socialize right now, since I need self-development

 

I think I can find a girl friend now, but I am just worrying about some of the events that might happen after I find her. 

What if some other guy approaches her and ask her out, I got nervous and start stuttering... That would be really awkward, I feel like the girl would be dissapointed in me

What if I go and watch a movie with her, stutter when I am talking to the cashier, can't even order movie tickets? And she ended up having to finish my sentences for me... 

All though moments, I would be embarrassed. 

Those are the things that I am worried most about in an relationship.

 

I just don't know, what should I do right now? Should I focus on studying and my life purpose, then find a girl friend after? 

What do girls care about? 

If I wait and try to find a girlfriend after I've found my life purpose, how do I know that I wouldn't have more important tasks to do then? How do I know that although I am really busy right now, that now isn't the perfect time to find a girl friend?

any advice?

Jordan

 

[mikeyy]

if ur self confident and canmake her laugh shell like u so much that shel even like ur stuttering? 

[electroBeam]

23 minutes ago, Jordan wang said:

1, Girls are not that attracted to high social status. 

Girls aren't robots, cloned and made by one company like a product is. They are all different. Most girls DO care about social status A LOT. For some, the only thing they look for is whether you have a $10000 watch on your wrist, and whether or not everyone loves you. 

25 minutes ago, Jordan wang said:

2, stuttering doesn't matter?

Of course stuttering matters (Oh No! A random person on the internet just triggered my insecurity! I'm scared now!) But what matters more is whether or not you understand that being insecure about you stuttering is even more of a problem than your stuttering. Girls are trying to figure out if you're confident, not whether or not you stutter.

You're not going to get through life by worrying about your insecurities. You get through life by accepting and pushing through them.

28 minutes ago, Jordan wang said:

If I find a girlfriend, I would need to fit into her social circle. I don't have a lot of time to socialize right now, since I need self-development

 

Yes you will have to, ofc you will. 

I would suggest that you stop demonizing being social. There is nothing wrong with it.

1 hour ago, Jordan wang said:

That would be really awkward, I feel like the girl would be dissapointed in me

 

1 hour ago, Jordan wang said:

I would be embarrassed. 

good. No pain no gain.

1 hour ago, Jordan wang said:

I just don't know, what should I do right now? Should I focus on studying and my life purpose, then find a girl friend after? 

How about you stop asking random neurotic people on this forum for figuring out what your intuition will give you for free. Even if we tell you, that you should look for girls now, will that stop you from being anxious about the situation? You've already asked this question on here... 

 

1 hour ago, Jordan wang said:

If I wait and try to find a girlfriend after I've found my life purpose, how do I know that I wouldn't have more important tasks to do then? How do I know that although I am really busy right now, that now isn't the perfect time to find a girl friend?

I've got some bad news for ya. You have a very bad case of what we call 'controlphobia' . No matter how well you plan out your life, your life isn't going to go the way you expect it. Sorry, but let go of that need for your life to go the way YOU want it, because it just isn't. You don't have control over it, and stop getting anxious over that fact. 

Regret is a bad emotion to have, but fearing regret is even worse. Stop fearing regret and just get a girl now. Everything else you do is just bickering with yourself, like an old couple.

[Paleas]

I can sympathize with you on the stuttering issue, although it is becoming more and more less of an issue the more I delve into this work. 

Something I fetched over from the folks at the stuttering forum. Maybe it will help.

C) STUTTERING

1. An ancestor or ourselves were traumatized.

2. Hemispheric dominance problem arises, thus – in our case – stuttering.

3. Our Mother (or someone important) sees our stutter a problem, ourselves a problem.

4. Thus we learn, that if we can’t speak properly, we lose our Mother. In that time (2-4) our identity is based upon Hers. So if we lose Her, then we lose ourselves. Total annihilation.

5. The fear of total annihilation renews the traumatic experience: it strenghtens the traumatization even more. (For example: a simple barking dog triggered our first trauma, that we could have easily leave behind.)

6. Thus every stuttering situation is a trauma, or in my view: in every case when we suspect that we could stutter, we strenghten our traumatization: our uncontrollable will to control our speak.

7. That will is uncontrollable, because we are that will. A will can’t want not willing itself. At that age, we totally became the-one-who-tries-to-gain-control-over-his-speech. Mother is Me, so I want to defeat that awful stutter that stands between us.

8. Later, Mother is out of the picture, hence the situation becomes: I want to defeat that awful stutter that stands between me and Me (what I identify myself with).

9. That will continues and strenghtens the traumatization, hence the hemispheric dominance problem.

10. Hence stuttering.

D) THE CONCLUSION

The stutterers are literally insane.

E) THE CURE

1. There can’t be a cure, because insane people can’t want their very will to be dismissed. Psychiatrists, speech therapists just strengthens it in long terms, treating just the symptoms of the insanity.

2. Stutterers can’t cure themselves, because wanting to cure themselves (wanting to be fluent) is their very insanity.

3. Do not listen to what a stutterer says, tells about himself. If you’re a stutterer, start to misgive about every little movement, thought, feeling of your insane self. Hope strenghtens your insanity. Self-pity strenghtens your insanity. You can do nothing else but strenghtening your insanity: yourself.

4. If you finally believe that you are insane: you aren’t insane anymore.

5. But dare not believe that you can believe it. It’s a cheat, again.

6. So the only way you can be free, if you finally stop wanting to be free, entirely, for the first time in your life, letting in the ultimate truth.

7 or THE ULTIMATE TRUTH. You can’t be free. You are free.

 

[Visitor]

You want a girlfriend? Then just be a friend to a girl. No hand holding, kissing, etc., unless she makes the first move.

Friends do not use emotional blackmail, teasing, coaxing, etc to exploit each other.

To have a friend you first need to be a friend.

Be a friend for a year will teach you much about relating to a girl. Relationships are about relating.

[egoeimai]

@Jordan wang  What do YOU need/want from them, and not them from You. 

[Shin]

Girls are attracted to men who don't search and want to know how to attract women, ironically.

It all makes sense if you read this book though.

[Vytas]

@Shin Thanks for the recommendation  Just a few chapters in, but already amazed by the wisdom of author.

BTW as I am reading I notice that I am just at the beginning of the first stage, in your opinion should I get a gf? even though I don't have much to share, at this point in my journey it is pretty much only trials and errors. I am asking this because I am going on a date on Monday and cant stop thinking what am I able to give/share/talk with her. (ps. I am 20) 

 

[Seed]

Any girl that is put off by  your stutter is not worth having. So in a way, view it as special detector, in which all the low quality, not worth knowing girls are screened out. When you otherwise wouldn't have been able to tell, until much late down the line. So it saves a lot of time wasting.

So to reiterate, no 'decent' girl is going to care about your stutter, and as a previous poster said, if you make her laugh and feel special, have interesting conversations and are warm and open. She will love you for it!

I dated a guy with a stutter, and it turned out to be one his attributes I was most attracted to, cause it made him unique.

You will find a girl soon, mostly importantly relax, dont chase, be fun.. and a very special girl will turn up, when you are least expecting it.

xxxx 

 

 

[Shin]

4 hours ago, Vytas said:

@Shin Thanks for the recommendation  Just a few chapters in, but already amazed by the wisdom of author.

BTW as I am reading I notice that I am just at the beginning of the first stage, in your opinion should I get a gf? even though I don't have much to share, at this point in my journey it is pretty much only trials and errors. I am asking this because I am going on a date on Monday and cant stop thinking what am I able to give/share/talk with her. (ps. I am 20) 

 

Probably not a good idea to date right now for you (same for me), you have more important things to do.

Since you already set up the date, go for it, but always remember that it's an extra, and definitely not the main focus of your life (and never will be), it will be for her, but it shouldn't for you.

Edited June 10, 2017 by Shin

[Emerald]

On 6/9/2017 at 9:27 PM, Jordan wang said:

So apparently people have been telling me that a lot of the concepts I have about girls are false. I am just posting this to clarify some concepts.

First a little about me: 

I am a virgin, male 18 years old. 6'1'', and probably one of the most athletic 18 years old you have ever seen. (I've got pretty much everything but six packs, can only see my six packs when I flex my muscles. All my muscles are also well balanced) I don't look bad either. 

I am not experienced with girls at all, had one girlfriend and the relationship didn't last long. 

I stutter (medium severity), which gives me somewhat lower confidence than normal boys who have this kind of body... 

Anyways, I am into self development right now, combined with my stuttering, don't really have that many friends. (I don't go looking for them either because I need to study and figure out my life purpose)

Once I'm done finding out my life purpose, I will probably take a course on how to attract girls (or start doing some research on pick up methods and become serious about finding a girlfriend)

But I also want a girl friend right now. Just want to know if those concept about girls are true.

 

1, Girls are not that attracted to high social status. 

I've been told that social status is only 5% of what girls are looking for. Is this true? 

2, stuttering doesn't matter?

Do most girls judge guys who stutter? I've talked to some girls who responded badly as soon as I started stuttering...

Girls need security right? Would a guy who stutter give her enough security?

3, girl social circle

If I find a girlfriend, I would need to fit into her social circle. I don't have a lot of time to socialize right now, since I need self-development

 

I think I can find a girl friend now, but I am just worrying about some of the events that might happen after I find her. 

What if some other guy approaches her and ask her out, I got nervous and start stuttering... That would be really awkward, I feel like the girl would be dissapointed in me

What if I go and watch a movie with her, stutter when I am talking to the cashier, can't even order movie tickets? And she ended up having to finish my sentences for me... 

All though moments, I would be embarrassed. 

Those are the things that I am worried most about in an relationship.

 

I just don't know, what should I do right now? Should I focus on studying and my life purpose, then find a girl friend after? 

What do girls care about? 

If I wait and try to find a girlfriend after I've found my life purpose, how do I know that I wouldn't have more important tasks to do then? How do I know that although I am really busy right now, that now isn't the perfect time to find a girl friend?

any advice?

Jordan

 

If you are trying to attract a girl who's your age, I wouldn't worry a whole lot about social status... aside from being generally about as popular as she is relative to others in your peer group. A girl who's your age is looking for someone who mirrors who she wants to be. She wants a mirror to her own identity. When I was a teenager, I dressed gothy and listened to rock music. So, if a guy was interested in the same or similar things, I would instantly find him more attractive even if I wouldn't have found him attractive otherwise. I was also attracted to guys that I perceived to be in the same attractiveness/popularity range as I was. If a guy was too popular, I'd assume that he wouldn't be attracted to me and that was unappealing to me as I wanted (and still want) my partner to think I'm very attractive and that he's got himself a catch . I may have even judged him as snobbish as many of the more popular guys at my school were very arrogant. If a guy was socially inept and too awkward, then I wouldn't be attracted to him ether. So, it was all about finding a happy medium. This is what girls your age who are girlfriend material are generally looking for.

If you want to get a good girlfriend, you have to first have a crush on someone in particular. Don't fake your feelings. And if you're interested in her, then only go for her unless you're sure that the answer is no. You will hurt a girl very much if you awaken feelings in her and flirt with her, then do the same thing with someone else. Then, you'll want to spark up a flirty friendship with her. Don't let on right away that you like her by being too forward but give her plenty of hints. The anticipation and guessing will make the girl think of you more and wonder if you like her or not, and it's in this time that she'll realize that she likes you. 

To get her in this mindset, be playful with her in a friendly way that borders on flirtation but isn't super clear. Draw attention to your differences. For example, you can playfully tease her for being shorter than you. But before you decide to get flirty with her, make sure that she's receptive to you doing this first. You can tell because she'll want to be around you and her body language will be open, and she will enthusiastically flirt back with you. So, the rule of thumb is to take one step forward and wait for her response. Then, if her response is positive, take another step forward. But if her response is anything but positive and enthusiastic, then take a step back. 

A healthy girl your age is looking to make a deep connection with a guy that she really likes and sees herself in. And if you awaken feelings in her, the feelings will be only toward you and they will be some of the most intensely positive feelings that a human being is capable of feeling. So, you don't have to worry about your stuttering because, if she likes you, she will find your stuttering enchanting just because it's a trait that you have. But if she doesn't have feelings for you, then she will feel neutrally about you and your stuttering. So, you don't have to worry about that either. Just be yourself and totally own it, and eventually someone will like you. But they probably won't show any signs unless you chat with them first. A lot of girls are nervous to talk to guys that they find attractive.

 

[SFRL]

@Jordan wang what women want is a lot of emotional stimulation. 

Leo says it in his video, so does RSD Tyler.

So does my girlfriend she is like "oh wow you just went trough the full range of emotions didn't you?"

Women are emotional creatures. They want to experience them all with you good and bad. 

Edited June 12, 2017 by SFRL

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, SFRL said:

@Jordan wang what women want is a lot of emotional stimulation. 

Leo says it in his video, so does RSD Tyler.

So does my girlfriend she is like "oh wow you just went trough the full range ofemotions didn't you?"

Women areemotional creatures. They want to experience them all with you good and bad. 

I remember Leo saying something about this is his video and it's almost right but a little off. So, I'm going to correct you instead of him. It's rare that a human being wants to experience bad emotions. And if they do, it's because there is a desire for positive emotion buried underneath that impulse. It's just that women are more likely to endure the bad emotions if she feels strong enough positive emotions for a man. Nobody has to throw any bad emotions in there for good measure if they aren't necessary. I hate to butt in, but if there was a post where a woman was giving advice to a younger woman who was new to dating and said, "Men are physical creatures and they crave orgasms and to be kicked in the balls."  I think there would be men, that would butt in and say, "maybe skip the kick in the balls part..."

[Jordan wang]

@electroBeam I'm just asking the people on this forum to get advice. I want to see other people's opinions on my situation. 

Isn't personal development about having a sense of control over your life?

If you don't know where you are going, if you don't have crystal clear targets to shoot towards; if you don't have a compelling vision for yourself in the future, you will never get there.

That's just what I am doing right now, creating a vision and a plan, and follow through.

Sorry if I annoyed you with my questions, I know I've asked something similar before, Just a little different this time...

[SFRL]

5 hours ago, Emerald said:

I remember Leo saying something about this is his video and it's almost right but a little off. So, I'm going to correct you instead of him. It's rare that a human being wants to experience bad emotions. And if they do, it's because there is a desire for positive emotion buried underneath that impulse. It's just that women are more likely to endure the bad emotions if she feels strong enough positive emotions for a man. Nobody has to throw any bad emotions in there for good measure if they aren't necessary. I hate to butt in, but if there was a post where a woman was giving advice to a younger woman who was new to dating and said, "Men are physical creatures and they crave orgasms and to be kicked in the balls."  I think there would be men, that would butt in and say, "maybe skip the kick in the balls part..."

Yeah that's not the same thing.

And rule number one is: If you want to attract a women, never listen to a woman what she says she wants in a man. 

[Emerald]

34 minutes ago, SFRL said:

Yeah that's not the same thing.

And rule number one is: If you want to attract a women, never listen to a woman what she says she wants in a man. 

Rule number one is smart if you're looking for women with a moderate to high degree of unawareness relative to the often counter-intuitive nature of their own emotional and sexual needs. And this is common because society doesn't encourage this type of awareness and has historically met it with huge resistance. So, you will have a larger pool of women to pick from because this unawareness is common... but...

But a woman who fits this description will often cling to social ideas about what's proper and should be empowering for a woman to feel and do relative to sex and is easily blind-sighted to the primal nature of her own instincts which she may unconsciously fear will strip her of power and autonomy. So, many women prefer to ignore this crazy rabbit hole and just tune out from it because it's easier to make up a nicer story. And this is why rule number one is rule number one in the first place. Many women will logically think that they want one thing because of social conditionings, discomforts, and fears, but their emotions are telling them a different story. But because most people don't listen to their emotions very well and just treat them as nuisances, she is far more likely to tell you what her mind has decided that she wants than what she actually wants.

But this tuning out will give her very little ability to control and utilize these instincts for her own true desires to be met and it will cause a disintegration within herself. So, she's easy to pick up with the tricks that can be learned from textbooks because this causes a deep unconscious need to which these buttons can be pushed very easily. But she will often come out of the situation very bitter, unfulfilled, and hurt because it doesn't resolve the issue of unawareness. In extreme cases of repression, she may even come to think that her partner took advantage of her despite being a willing participant, due to social taboos surrounding female sexuality and an unconscious desire to explain away her wrong-doing.

But rule number one is incredibly stupid if you're looking for a woman with a high degree of self-awareness and openness. It would seem that the person who posted is looking for a girlfriend and not a one night stand. So, I assume that he wants a psychologically healthy partner who doesn't have a lot of the above problems. So, I think it would be wise to listen to a woman's honest emotional reflections of how attractions worked for her when she was his age as opposed to only learning game and trying to find just anyone. 

But you said that what I'm talking about relative to women wanting to experience good and bad emotions, is not the same thing as what you're talking about. Could you elaborate, so that I might understand better? 

 

[SFRL]

4 hours ago, Emerald said:

Rule number one is smart if you're looking for women with a moderate to high degree of unawareness relative to the often counter-intuitive nature of their own emotional and sexual needs. And this is common because society doesn't encourage this type of awareness and has historically met it with huge resistance. So, you will have a larger pool of women to pick from because this unawareness is common... but...

But a woman who fits this description will often cling to social ideas about what's proper and should be empowering for a woman to feel and do relative to sex and is easily blind-sighted to the primal nature of her own instincts which she may unconsciously fear will strip her of power and autonomy. So, many women prefer to ignore this crazy rabbit hole and just tune out from it because it's easier to make up a nicer story. And this is why rule number one is rule number one in the first place. Many women will logically think that they want one thing because of social conditionings, discomforts, and fears, but their emotions are telling them a different story. But because most people don't listen to their emotions very well and just treat them as nuisances, she is far more likely to tell you what her mind has decided that she wants than what she actually wants.

But this tuning out will give her very little ability to control and utilize these instincts for her own true desires to be met and it will cause a disintegration within herself. So, she's easy to pick up with the tricks that can be learned from textbooks because this causes a deep unconscious need to which these buttons can be pushed very easily. But she will often come out of the situation very bitter, unfulfilled, and hurt because it doesn't resolve the issue of unawareness. In extreme cases of repression, she may even come to think that her partner took advantage of her despite being a willing participant, due to social taboos surrounding female sexuality and an unconscious desire to explain away her wrong-doing.

But rule number one is incredibly stupid if you're looking for a woman with a high degree of self-awareness and openness. It would seem that the person who posted is looking for a girlfriend and not a one night stand.  So, I assume that he wants a psychologically healthy partner who doesn't have a lot of the above problems. So, I think it would be wise to listen to a woman's honest emotional reflections of how attractions worked for her when she was his age as opposed to only learning game and trying to find just anyone. 

But you said that what I'm talking about relative to women wanting to experience good and bad emotions, is not the same thing as what you're talking about. Could you elaborate, so that I might understand better? 

 

Rule number one is not a rule for everyone, its a rule for guys. Because you are not a guy whatever you got to say about rule number one doesn't count. 

Just like you mentioning what it feels like as a guy to be kicked in the balls. You dont have balls you have no idea what you are talking about. 

That's like a guy mentioning what child labor feels like. No woman will take that serious. 

You got to stay in your lane when it comes to those things. Men and women, we are not the same.

@Jordan wang remember:

Rule number 1: Never listen to a woman when she says what she wants in a man. 

Rule number 2: A spanking a day keeps the bratiness away. 

Edited June 12, 2017 by SFRL

[Emerald]

5 hours ago, SFRL said:

Rule number one is not a rule for everyone, its a rule for guys. Because you are not a guy whatever you got to say about rule number one doesn't count. 

Just like you mentioning what it feels like as a guy to be kicked in the balls. You dont have balls you have no idea what you are talking about. 

That's like a guy mentioning what child labor feels like. No woman will take that serious. 

You got to stay in your lane when it comes to those things. Men and women, we are not the same.

You still didn't answer my question. You just jumped around into very illogical forms of reasoning that have very little in common. It was like you went "Kevin Bacon... Bacon Bits... Megabytes... Megaman." Therefore Kevin Bacon is Megaman!

Edited June 12, 2017 by Emerald

[Veggies]

30 minutes ago, Emerald said:

You still didn't answer my question. You just jumped around into very illogical forms of reasoning that have very little in common. It was like you went "Kevin Bacon... Bacon Bits... Megabytes... Megaman." Therefore Kevin Bacon is Megaman!

Bit and Byte are two separate things though.

 

 

Has Topic Creator tried those dating apps?

[Emerald]

Just now, Veggies said:

Bit and Byte are two separate things though.

Precisely my point.