Seriously Considering Suicide.

[street19]

I don't want to be here. I don't want to deal with any of this. I'm tired of existing.

 

I don't want to feel any more pain. Gunshot to the head seems like a easy fix.

 

Sucks to feel this way. But I don't see any other choice. I don't want to go though the stuggle of rebuilding my shitty life. I'm just done.

I want to not be "me". I want to simply have peace... And I don't want to wait 10 years or whatever meditating to try to get there. Fuck

Edited June 9, 2017 by street19

[Prabhaker]

20 minutes ago, street19 said:

I don't want to wait 10 years or whatever meditating to try to get there

If you want quick results, Osho Dynamic Meditation is a revolutionary meditation, a jet-speed method for inner transformation. Morning is the best time to meditate.

It can be done alone, but can be even more powerful if it is done with others. It is best to have an empty stomach and wear loose, comfortable clothing.

Download Dynamic Handbook e-book – Dynamic Handbook

 

[Guest Annetta]

You deserve a peaceful and happy life, what's wrong?  Why do you want to kill yourself?

http://www.spsamerica.org/considering-suicide

[TJ Reeves]

2 hours ago, street19 said:

I don't want to be here. I don't want to deal with any of this. I'm tired of existing.

It gets tiring sometimes. I understand. But it gets better. No matter what you think in the low, it does get better.

2 hours ago, street19 said:

Gunshot to the head seems like a easy fix.

Don't be a selfish asshat. That "easy" fix totally fucks over everyone you know. 

You might think that your existence is a drag to them, but you don't consider how much worse it makes things for everyone around you. Even people who you may not think care, actually do care and will be negatively affected by your taking the "easy" way out.

2 hours ago, street19 said:

Sucks to feel this way. But I don't see any other choice.

Your perspective is unbelievably limited right now

Your ego is clouding what you think of as reality and your number of options. 

I know because I was once like this and I eventually gained enough perspective to see myself out of it.  I wish my previous version would understand that.

Listen, you absolutely positively always have other choices. 

You are always able to respond to whatever comes to you in life. That's what it means to take responsibility. 

Even if someone mugged you and held a gun to your head and said "you have no choice other than to sit there while I shoot you" you still have a responsibility and a choice for what to do next.

Take fucking 100% responsibility for your life and improve it. No one is holding you down other than an imagined version of yourself. 

Williams James had a life story far more pathetic than yours -- whatever yours is -- and as a result, he got himself severely depressed. When he was about to kill himself, he decided to take 100% responsibility for everything in his life for the next year, and if that didn't work, then he would kill himself. What happened with his experiment? He became the best psychologist of the past 200 years.

2 hours ago, street19 said:

I want to simply have peace

Don't we all.

You imagine there is peace waiting for you there in death, but you act like there is no possibility for peace here now.

The peace? It's there for you right now, but it's not what you think of it.

Look, man. Look! 

If you're so desperate for killing yourself why don't you become desperate for something like finding help? Put the depressive energy to good use. 

2 hours ago, street19 said:

And I don't want to wait 10 years or whatever meditating to try to get there. 

It doesn't necessarily take 10 years to feel better. Nor one year. Nor, technically, even 3 months.

I've been in a position similar to yours plenty of times and plenty of times it's only taken one or two key moments to feel better.

(Note: and if you're reading that and thinking "oh well if you snapped out, it must have not been that bad for you so you don't understand" - then fuck you - it's pretty bad when you have an entire bottle full of oxycontin held to your mouth and notes to loved ones written out. According to some multiverse theories, there's probably another universe where I'm dead. And more important, let's not get into a "who's more depressive" pissing contest where everyone loses.)

A permanent solution like suicide is well, permanent and you don't even know whether it will work to solve your problems. 99% of suicide jumpers who have survived high falls say they regretted it. As one writes: “I instantly realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfixable was totally fixable—except for having just jumped.”

Also, I want you to know that in the future, this worst moment of life will be your best moment. I'm not kidding - if you make it through this it will be one of the life-defining moments for you. When you are an old man, you will look back and smile at this time. 

I'm not going to bullshit you and say it will all be rainbows and field of flowers - you will have to go through more stuff - but still this is an amazing chance for you to pull yourself to the next level.

Overall:

You have three options here -- you can kill yourself physically, you can sit there miserably doing nothing, or you can kill your "self" by taking responsibility and getting psychological help.

The last option is the best one by far. 

How about you decide to do absolutely positively everything in your power to reach enlightenment and then, if you are enlightened and you still hate life, then you can kill yourself with whatever means you'd like? That way you know for sure that you gave it your all and you can die with a smile and no regret. 

Edited June 9, 2017 by TJ Reeves

[Toby]

1 hour ago, street19 said:

I want to simply have peace... And I don't want to wait 10 years or whatever meditating to try to get there. Fuck

You don't have to meditate or work or do anything to be in peace. Peace is here. You are peace. Even if you feel bad or feel good, if you are healthy or lying on your deathbed. Peace is here.

[Shin]

I wanted to kill myself too, just one year ago.

Now I'm on track with my life purpose and daily shed tears of happiness.
The only two things I did was to start a meditation practice and facing my number 1 fear.

There is no reason why you can't too, I'm not a special snowflake, I'm quite dumb actually !

[egoeimai]

3 hours ago, street19 said:

I don't want to be here. I don't want to deal with any of this. I'm tired of existing.

 

I don't want to feel any more pain. Gunshot to the head seems like a easy fix.

 

Sucks to feel this way. But I don't see any other choice. I don't want to go though the stuggle of rebuilding my shitty life. I'm just done.

I want to not be "me". I want to simply have peace... And I don't want to wait 10 years or whatever meditating to try to get there. Fuck

What is your biggest problem? Others or you ? 

[khalifa]

 

[Annie]

You say you seriously consider suicide. Simply by the fact you're posting this here tells me you're actually screaming for help NOT to do any self-harm. So you're on the right track.   If you manage to get out of this hole you will come out as a stronger person. You need to identify the true core of your problem(s) and find a solution. Nobody said life's always fun and easy but it's a learning process and learning sometimes brings us to the brink of collapse, wanting to give up. I guess we've all been down that road at some point in our lives but the show must - and will - go on.

[harisankartj]

@street19 You don't want to live.

AND IT IS OKAY.

Allow the feeling of resistance to life.Allow wanting to kill yourself.Allow the feelings you are feeling., WITHOUT JUDGEMENT.

You will never "find peace" cus you are peace itself.Let go of the mind,let it run wild BUT,WATCH IT WITHOUT JUDGEMENT .Let them come Let them go.

Life gets better dude.And i mean it.

 

[pluto]

I was in the same situation earlier and in the past with relationships many many times, the only things that stops me from letting go is the pain of others family/friends that love and care about me that won't understand why i had to go. If they were awake believe me it would be easy but when you vibe higher and see the bigger picture you realize it would of been pointless but now you don't see how cause the vibe is lower, you can only connect to that which you are at that moment.

We just gotta stay strong for now, i know it hurts, i'm used to the pain, i'll take some from you just to see you smile again.

I always believe in the Light, no matter how dark I've fallen.

May you find Peace

 

 

[CuteCornDog]

Please call 911, and ask them to take you to a mental hospital.

You can do that you know.

Edited June 17, 2017 by CuteCornDog
I have Language Processing Disorder!

[Magic Potion]

On 6/9/2017 at 2:33 PM, street19 said:

I don't want to be here. I don't want to deal with any of this. I'm tired of existing.

 

I don't want to feel any more pain. Gunshot to the head seems like a easy fix.

 

Sucks to feel this way. But I don't see any other choice. I don't want to go though the stuggle of rebuilding my shitty life. I'm just done.

I want to not be "me". I want to simply have peace... And I don't want to wait 10 years or whatever meditating to try to get there. Fuck

@street19

I hear you. Life can be unreasonably shit sometimes..

When you’re dealing with intense pain everyday, it feels like you’re living in hell. And while the world around you is going on as normal and people don’t understand why you can’t play the game - even blaming you for not being responsible/in control of your emotions, it just compounds the problem.. The truth is that you’re not able to because you’re debilitated by this pain. 

Please understand that this is a mental illness - It’s not you - you are a great person and you still have the goodness of life at your core, it's just that you got sick and now need time to recover.

Take time.

Tend to yourself in whatever way that may be.

Even if it’s not “positive” or “productive” by other’s standards, even if it’s just lying around and waiting for things to settle. You don’t have to meditate if you don’t want to and you don’t have to rebuild your life right now. All you have to do is take your time and do whatever is right for you. Whatever will help to make you feel stable and strong and hopeful again. 

Think back:

What made you happy as a kid?
Where have you found refuge/solace before?
What makes you come alive?

Find the things that make you feel happy to be alive in this world and focus on them. Do the things that you know you like and if they don’t work, do something out of the ordinary - explore.

Listen to your favorite music in a dark room. This really helps to process emotions at an subconscious level. When I really connect with the music, I find it incredibly healing. Pay attention to every little sound and let it take you on a journey. I also find this helps with mindfulness. 

Exercise/movement is great at circulating pain so that it doesn’t get stuck in your heart or mind (but I know this is the last thing you feel like doing when you feel this way). - In general, shaking the body shakes up the mind and emotions. It gives you strength, resilience and momentum; gets everything flowing, gets your heart and brain pumping and working again in proper order.

Keep reaching out online and especially in person to anyone who has helped you in the past. Relationships make us happy. Especially intimate, loving ones and ones where we feel understood and close to the other. In my experience, there is nothing more powerful than connecting with another person.

Find a teacher/guru that you admire and learn from them. Use them as a role-model, imitate their actions, get into their mindset and emulate them.

Try to study depression/suicide as an objective phenomenon. It’s an affliction that many people struggle through silently, or in their own ways and understanding it as such can help you change your perspective on it and even transcend it. 

Help others who feel this way. You probably understand something about depression/suicide that is unique and that someone else in the world needs to hear from your perspective. You have a piece of the puzzle and you have probably figured out ways of coping with it that would help others and that only you can share.

Depression is so subtle and insidious because the whole time you really believe that the pessimistic, defeatist thoughts/feelings are the Truth. But they’re really just illusions - part of this crippling pathology that slowly sucks the life out of you. It traps you in fear, hopelessness and low-self esteem and it’s because it’s in the mind that it’s so tricky and easy to fall into. It’s because you believe it’s your self when actually it’s just malevolent ideas and memories accumulated over time and identified with. When you have no means of detaching from them and identifying yourself in being and awareness again, you don't have the stability to navigate yourself back to love and happiness and unconditional positive regard again. The depressing thoughts become your only reference point and that’s when they take over and why you start to believe they're true. This turns into angst and hatred and disregard for yourself and the world and can spiral out of control into suicide. 

These thoughts happen specifically when stress and pain become too heavy for the body; and so you want to throw the body away - but this is too drastic and permanent a solution to a problem that is temporary and can be cured with some changes in lifestyle. Whoever the “me” that you think you are now will grow and change and not be the same “me” in time.

The answer is in finding ways to increase pleasantness, to relax deeply (however this may be), to foster well-being and increase contentment by doing good things for your future self. When you’re in a slump, practice acceptance and understand that it'll pass and when you’re motivated, build on your strengths/passions/talents.

I know it might be hard to see from here but as @TJ Reeves said, when you overcome this hurdle, you'll look back on it as one of your greatest sources of strength.

[street19]

Thank you all for your amazing comments and advice. I'm doing ok today & I've learned a lot over the past few days.

I've realized that I'm being a bit selfish, as I am not the only one with these feelings about life. None of us asked to be here. None of us really know what's going on. So I've decided to change some things.

 

I'm fortunate enough to be quite well off for my age (22) (which makes me feel even worse about complaining about my problems), so I'd decided that I'm going to dedicate 1 out of every 3 months to volunteer work around the world. I've found a few organizations that coordinate construction projects, public works, teaching children, aggriculture and sustainability. I figure, if everyone else is suffering, the only thing that makes sense for me and my life, is to help these people as much as I can.

 

Wish me luck! Thanks again.

[harisankartj]

@street19 Wish u all the best for your ventures man! 

[sgn]

@Morrtiz What the hell. Maybe you should avoid this section of the forum if you see it like that?

[Magic Potion]

@street19 Sounds like a great plan! By helping those less fortunate than you, you will be doing something with real meaning and purpose. If you feel guilty about being privileged/born into fortunate circumstances then increasing the quality of life of those born into less fortunate circumstances will restore the balance and appease your conscience.

You're doing the right thing man! Congratulations and best of luck  

[Guest Annetta]

I'm glad to hear you're doing better! <3  *big hug*

[Truth Seekah]

 

[Bournebee]

@street19 good luck in whatever you end up doing. NEVER GIVE UP, There's is always a solution to every problem. Even if you can't think of a solution straight away, walk towards the wall and a door will appear